


Shoot The Moon

by clefable4tw



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Parabatai, Reunions, Sexual Content, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 67,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25478302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clefable4tw/pseuds/clefable4tw
Summary: "Luke's heart rate picked up. This was an event not beyond his imagination. He had wondered what he would do if they should ever meet again." Valentine tracks Luke down to New York. Eventual Valentine/Luke.
Relationships: Luke Garroway/Valentine Morgenstern
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based primarily on the original trilogy The Mortal Instruments, though there are some references to the 2013 film and the Shadowhunters TV series. It starts in the summer of 2007 which is when The City of Bones began, though slightly earlier in the summer than the novel. 
> 
> I made changes to the histories of characters, which will be described as the story goes along, but there were some events I omitted, which I wanted to note ahead of time, mainly about Valentine and Jocelyn. In this story, he never experimented on Downworlders, nor did he experiment on Jace and Clary when they were in the womb. Jocelyn discovered his notes about his experiments on Jonathan after she presumed Luke dead.
> 
> Most of the chapters I would rate as Teen, but there are a few that are Mature. I will put a note at the beginning of those chapters.

Luke Garroway was walking home with a bag of groceries, a walk he had completed many times during his life in New York. He was not thinking of anything in particular: record keeping for the book shop, what he would cook tonight. His was a neutral state, a pleasant place to be.

He was close to home, his building within sight when felt a shift from neutral to tense. This was a large city. With so many people around, there could be any number of reasons for this.

At first glance, Luke did not appear to be much of a threat. Tall with an average build; curly brown hair that appeared messy no matter what he did with it; rectangular glasses covering light blue eyes; a curious combo of steady and haggard. He often wore work boots, jeans, and a button down shirt. He preferred flannel, but when it was warm he wore woven cotton, as it was tonight. Nothing belying that he was raised as a warrior, a warrior of the supernatural at that, so along with Mundane trouble, he considered possible Shadow World threats.

Looking for a possible source of this tension, he saw a man standing in front of his shop. This alone wasn’t odd, though the shop was closed, but Luke’s skin started tingling and his hair stood on end, because as he walked closer he realized this man was intensely familiar; the way he stood, shoulders pulled back, head held high, elegantly dressed, the intense magnetism that drew the notice of passerby even in New York, where as a rule no one spared each other even a glance.

Luke’s heart rate picked up. This was an event not beyond his imagination. He had wondered what he would do if they should ever meet again. The man looked his way. Their gazes met. Platinum blond hair, brown eyes so dark they were essentially black, tall and powerfully built. Yes, this was the man Luke suspected: Valentine Morgenstern.

“Hello, Lucian.” Luke held Valentine’s gaze while taking note of the situation. The street was populated. The sun was starting to set but there was still daylight enough to see clearly, even at half past eight.

Valentine did not have a weapon drawn, nor was there a weapon Luke could see on his person and he was not in a body position indicating he was close to offensive maneuvers. Luke had already noted passerby seeing him; he was not using an invisibility rune.

Valentine obviously knew he lived here, and if he knew that Luke assumed Valentine also knew where Jocelyn and Clary lived.

“I can hear you thinking Lucian.” said Valentine, with a slight upturn of his lips. “I do not intend you any harm, nor do I intend to harm Jocelyn or Clarissa. Yes, I have seen them.”

A shiver went through Luke. Valentine’s directness surprised him.

“I do not seek the Mortal Cup either.” continued Valentine. So steady, so calm, like no time at all had passed since they last spoke. No indication that the last time they had seen each other, they had sincerely tried to kill each other.

“I do wish to speak with you. That is why I have come here this evening. Will you allow it?” said Valentine.

“About what?” asked Luke. “What, if you do not intend to kill me or want information about Jocelyn, could you possibly want to talk about?”

“Your suspicion of me is not unwarranted. It has been fifteen years since we last met, but I assume you did not think me dead. If I wanted to kill you, frankly Lucian you would be dead. If I wanted information from Jocelyn, I would speak to her. I came to speak with you.”

The way Valentine spoke these words, there was no hostility or arrogance, and Luke did not feel like he was being baited, but that just made this even more bizarre. Luke did not like that the feeling of bizarre was overtaking the feeling of danger.

“But you have no reason to trust my word, just that.” Valentine continued. “I swear by the Angel I mean you, Jocelyn, and Clarissa no harm.” Valentine paused for a moment. “I have not answered your question. ‘What do I want to talk to you about?’ I delayed because I know you will find this an unsatisfactory response. You often did in the past, but this is the truth; I had the impulse to see you.”

Luke was unwillingly brought back to the time when he and Valentine were inseparable. He had often heard Valentine say this or some form of that statement. “I want to see where this goes.” Or “-where this path leads,” when asked why he was doing what he was doing. Life felt like a grand adventure when he was with Valentine. Valentine’s choices so often played out to good fortune, even with simple things; he would want to go to the bakery and fresh bread had just come out of the oven; he would say ‘Let us go up to the hills’ and the sunset would be utterly beautiful that evening. Luke didn’t know then, and still didn’t know how he did it. He asked Valentine many times, but he would usually laugh and give some version of the same, “I followed my intuition.”

Valentine continued on. “These past years have changed me. I am not pleased with what I have done. I have spoken much, and that is appropriate, since I sought you out. I still wish to speak with you, but I will depart now, as a symbol of my good faith. When may I call on you again?”

Luke surprised himself, “Tomorrow night, here, nine o’clock.” Valentine smiled, “As you wish.” Then he walked past Luke and off onto the still bustling sidewalk.

Luke more out of habit than anything else, walked inside his home, set down his bag of groceries. He took stock of the situation. He did not trust Valentine, but he didn’t think it would have accomplished anything to say he didn’t want to meet again. Valentine had found him, he assumed he was under some surveillance and could be found again. At least now he knew when to expect him.

Valentine had always operated on an honor code, and if he said he meant him no harm, and would see him again at an agreed time, Luke believed he would keep that word.

He needed to call Jocelyn. This would not be a pleasant conversation, but it did no good to delay. He took out his phone. Jocelyn picked up. They were close but not in the habit of calling each other this late in the day. When she answered she had a hint of worry in her voice.

“Hey Luke, what’s going on?”

“Jocelyn, are you at home?”

“Yes, Clary and Simon are here too. We just finished up dinner. They are going to work on a summer project, so they say. Why, did you want to come over?”

“What!? Luke’s coming over? I told you not to eat so much, Simon! Now Luke won’t have anything.” Luke overheard Clary say.

“I couldn’t help myself. Mrs. Fray, your cooking is that good. Sorry, Luke! Didn’t know you were coming!” Simon piped in.

“Oh my God. That is disgusting. I don’t do this with your mom.”

“Obviously, because my mom, bless her heart, is not as fantastic a cook as the one and only Mrs. Fray.”

“Ugh! Mom, we’re going in my room to work. And yes, we really are working on a school project!”

“Yep, you’ve got yourself two regular Einstein’s here. Did you know Einstein was Jewish?

“Yes!”

“Alright dear, and thank you Simon, that is very kind of you.” said Jocelyn, then after a short pause, she spoke again. “Sorry about that, Luke. They’ve gone now. What is it?”

Luke sighed and gripped the bridge of his nose, pushing up his glasses to do so. “There is no easy way to say this. I just saw Valentine. I am unharmed. He said he knows of you and Clary and means you no harm. He swore it on the Angel. Says he’s changed. Honestly I’m in shock.”

There was silence on the other end. He knew Jocelyn was doing her own assessment of the situation.

“Does he know Clary is his child?”

“I’m not positive, but I would assume he does. The math adds up.” Luke paused, then “Clary does stay with me sometimes, but only when you’re away. I don’t know how long he’s known we’re here, but Valentine’s clever, he would have checked things out.” Valentine would have noticed he and Jocelyn didn’t live together, could check Clary’s birthdate.

“Do you think I should take Clary and flee? Use the portal at Dorothea’s?”

“Truly, I don’t know. There are so many unknowns. I will honor whatever decision you make with regards to you and Clary. He wants to speak with me again. Tomorrow night. I’m going to stay for that. If you’re leaving, it would be best if you don’t tell me anymore. I don’t want to be used against you.”

At this Luke’s heart clenched. To not see Jocelyn or Clary, or Simon, but he did not know the right answer, and he knew there was no stopping Jocelyn when she made a choice.

“What about you?” asked Jocelyn.

“He already knows where I live, it would be easy to use a tracking spell to find me, and I don’t have the funds to hire a warlock for aid. I suppose I could try to hide by some water, but I suspect I may be under some surveillance. As for a preemptive strike, I don’t know anything about Valentine’s current status: followers, location, weapons. It seems suicidal.

“I could go to the wolf pack but I doubt they would help me unless I killed the leader and took over. That is a brutal business, It could be worth it if Valentine is truly up to something. I just don’t know.”

“There’s the Institute, and you do have a meeting set up. Ambush?”

“They assume Valentine is dead and you as well. You would break your cover by going there. I could go by myself and leave you out of it, but I don’t know if they would believe me, even though I fought Valentine. I’ve been in exile all these years, if I were to show up now… Add my being a Downworlder; my opinion won’t be in high regard, and this story sounds incredulous and I’m the one who saw him.

“Also, I don’t think Valentine would fall for an ambush, but.. this is all so convoluted as an attack against us. He said to me if he had wanted to harm me he would have done so. Is it possible? The simplest answer is usually correct; Occam’s Razor? Could he be telling the truth?

“I don’t know either, but I know that love never truly dies, and it is only natural to want to trust someone you love, but love and trust are two different things.”

“Have you decided?”

“…Yes. I’m going to take Clary and go. I’m so sorry, Luke.”

“What are you going to tell her?”

“I’ll tell her a half truth. That I lied to her about her father. He is a violent man. I had to get us away from him. That I thought he was dead, but now he’s found us and it would be best if we get out of town. I’ll tell her that’s why you called now, to warn me. And I’ll say the police have been told.”

“But the portal?”

“We’ll use regular transportation.”

“How about I come over? I’ll back you about about your story. Maybe she’ll go with you more easily.”

“Thank you. Hurry over.”

“I will. Remember, don’t tell me where you’re going. Don’t tell Clary until I’m out of earshot, in case she says it aloud. Or to Simon.”

“Understood.”


	2. Chapter 2

Luke arrived with a box of doughnuts. Doughnuts would not solve this problem, but they did make it easier to bear, and it was the only thing he could think of on such short notice to defuse the situation. He was happy to see Jocelyn’s face relax when she saw them.

“Let’s step out into the hall for a moment.” said Jocelyn, as she stopped Luke from entering the apartment, stepped out into the hall herself, and closed the door. Jocelyn was wearing a pair of denim shorts she had painted on, with a peasant top blouse.

When he had first arrived in New York, he learned some of Jocelyn’s artist friends had nicknamed her Jolene. When Luke had asked Jocelyn about it later, she’d been flustered and told him that it was in reference to a song with the same name. Luke listened to it later, and found it fitting. “Her beauty is beyond compare, with flaming locks of auburn hair, with ivory skin, and eyes of emerald green.” Many people had called Jocelyn a beauty, but he knew she never really saw herself that way. She was more devoted to expressing her beauty through her art, which had made it out into the hallway, as well as some other finishing touches of hers. She had painted the hallway with a series of jewel tones. She had let Clary sponge paint the door itself. An ornate coat hanger lined the wall beside the door. It all made Luke heartsick for Jocelyn’s departure, and she hadn’t even left yet.

“I’ve made my plans, and I’ve packed bags for myself and Clary. She will just need to put some clothes in hers. I also wanted to tell you ahead of time, I’m going to tell Clary about her brother. That her father… hurt him, disappeared with him when he was small.” At this Jocelyn’s face started to crumble. Luke put his hand on her shoulder. He would have put both hands on her shoulders, but he still held the box of doughnuts.

“Let’s go tell her then. I’ll say he was my friend too. That his behavior started to get erratic. Let her know there is a real danger with him.” said Luke.

Jocelyn regained her composure, and Luke pulled his hand away. Jocelyn continued “Simon is still here but I think it would be good if he hears this too, that way he won’t think Clary disappeared, and maybe he can convince her to follow my lead, if we fail.”

Luke smiled at that and said “Clary will have to convince herself. She has a strong will.”

“Really, it’s like dealing with myself.” laughed Jocelyn, as she turned to open the apartment door.

The inside was lavishly decorated; here Clary and Jocelyn’s artwork lined the walls. They had beautiful furnishings and area rugs, all strewn about with the minutiae of their daily lives; hair ties, magazines, handwritten notes left lying around.

The four of them sat at the table, the box of doughnuts open. Clary and Simon were happy for the interruption to their school work. Luke thought that wouldn’t last long after he and Jocelyn spoke.

“Unfortunately kids, Luke isn’t here just to bring you doughnuts.” said Jocelyn, a lightness in her voice.

“Really? Aww, now my feelings are hurt.” said Simon, with an exaggerated pout.

“We’re not kids, Mom.” said Clary, slightly irritated.

Jocelyn sighed. “You’re right. I apologize.”

“So, why did you come by Luke?” asked Clary.

Luke exchanged a look with Jocelyn.

“Luke had an unexpected meeting today with someone from our past.” said Jocelyn.

“Oh? You never talk about your past. How past are we talking?” asked Clary.

“Before you were born.” said Jocelyn.

“You two have been friends that long? I hope we’re like that Clary!” said Simon.

“Of course we will be Simon, but what’s so unfortunate about this?” asked Clary.

Jocelyn clasped her hands together and looked her daughter in the eye. “This is going to come as a great shock, but please let me explain myself. Know that Luke has wanted me to tell you this for years. He has not because I asked him not to.”

“Okay… Mom, you’re starting to scare me here.” The mood went from fun to heavy. Simon looked on high alert but for once didn’t have a quip to add.

“I lied to you about your father. He is not the man in that photograph, and in fact he is very much alive.”

“What? I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. You lied and told me my father died?! What? How?” said Clary, her tone started calm but grew increasingly distressed as she continued.

Luke reached over and took Clary’s hand in his own. “I know this is hard, but for now to listen to your mother.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, momentarily soothed. “Keep going, Mom.”

“Your father’s name is Valentine. I met him when I was young, in my teens. He was handsome and charming and we married as soon as I came of age. I was very happy for a time, but he had a dark side. He became manipulative, deceitful, unpredictable. I knew I needed to get away from him, and I needed to take you away from him permanently. So I did.”

There was a pause at the table. Jocelyn gathered her thoughts. “I told you he was dead because I was told and I hoped that he was dead.”

“Huh? But wait, who’s the J.C. on the box, who’s hair is that? I know that crying was real.”

“This is the most painful part. As I said, Valentine is so charming. I didn’t realize the danger until it was too late. J.C. stands for Jonathan Christopher. He is my first born, your brother.”

Clary blanched, and paused for a moment. “Oh, God. What happened to him, Mom?”

“Your father found out I was going to leave, and take Jonathan with me. He took Jonathan and made it look like he killed himself and the baby.”

“What do you mean, ‘made it look?’”

“Valentine burned our house down. In the ashes were what seemed like human remains. It was ruled that he and the baby were deceased.

“Oh, Mom.”

“I don’t know how he’s done it, but he is alive. Luke… saw him today.”

“Hey, if he’s alive, could the baby be alive too? My brother.”

“Yes… I suppose he could.”

At this, Jocelyn started to cry. Clary got up and put her arms around her. Simon made eye contact with Luke, pointed at himself and then at the door, making a walking motion with his fingers. Luke shook his head no, then mouthed “Stay.”

“Well, we need to find out! And we need to get this guy behind bars. He sounds nuts.” said Clary.

Luke stayed quiet, letting Jocelyn lead. He would try to fill in some details that went along with however much Jocelyn wanted to tell Clary for now.

“Luke already called the police, and they are searching for him now.” Jocelyn said. “They suggested that if we could get out of town, we should. Valentine is a dangerous man.”

“Can’t the police protect us? Give us bodyguards or something?” asked Clary.

“Maybe if Valentine had threatened us, if we had proof he was still alive. He’s listed as dead. This is the best thing we can do for now. The police can’t give out bodyguards to everyone who needs them.”

“This is serious, the man’s a murderer! Well, maybe he’s a murderer; an arsonist, at least.” Clary paused, frustrated. “This is weird, isn’t it. But still!”

“I know my dear, but things aren’t always fair.” said Jocelyn.

“Where was I in all this? Why didn’t Valentine kill me too?” said Clary, with a hard edge to her voice.

“You hadn’t been born yet. I was pregnant with you, but I wasn’t showing. Valentine didn’t know.”

“So what, this guy ruined your life, maybe killed my brother, or took off with him, and now we’re going to run? Have our lives ruined again?”

“Don’t go too far ahead. Just for now, we’re going to leave for a bit. To be safe. We’ll leave it to the police.” said Jocelyn.

“Wait - Luke, you talked to him today? Why’d he come to you? Did he threaten you? Does he think that you and Mom are together?”

“No, Clary, he wasn’t mad about that.” said Luke. “I don’t know why he came to me and not your mom but I knew Valentine too. I met him at school. I’m the one who introduced him to your mom.”

“After the fire, I needed to get away from it all. That’s why Luke wasn’t around during your earliest years. We got in touch later, and you know the rest.” said Jocelyn.”

“But, Luke, what did he say? ‘Hey, how are things going?’”

“Along those lines. I wish I had more answers for you, but please, listen to you mother. Leave town for awhile. We’ll try to get this sorted out.”

“Well, it’s summer break, so it’s not so bad. I will miss my art classes though. I paid for them myself.”

“I will reimburse you. So you’ll go?” asked Jocelyn.

“I don’t like it, but yes.”

“When will you be back?” Simon spoke for the first time.

“I’m not sure, but we’ll be in touch. Either directly with you or through Luke.” said Jocelyn.

“Well, I better get packing. Come with me, Simon.” said Clary.

“I’ve got you a bag started dear, grab it from my room.”

Clary nodded as she and Simon got up and left the table. “Are you all ready, Jocelyn?” asked Luke.

“Yes. We’ll leave once Clary is done. You, and I’m sure Simon, can walk us to the street. I’ll call for a cab.”

“Are you going to keep your cell phone?”

“No. I’m going take Clary’s as well. Leave them here. I’ll mail you when I can.”

“Okay.” said Luke, resigned to the fact that this was happening.

“Luke, do be careful with Valentine.” Jocelyn looked at him with concern.

“I’ll be alright, Jocelyn. You focus on yourself and Clary now.”


	3. Chapter 3

The four of them were waiting by the curb. It was dark out now, the street lights shined down on them. It was a pleasant evening to be outside. Clary had not been happy about leaving her cell phone behind, but had agreed.

“Mrs. Fray?” asked Simon, a serious tone in his normally light voice.

“Yes, Simon?”

“I just want to say I think you’re so brave. You went through a terrible thing, and raised a daughter who, if I may say so, is not too shabby-“

“Hey!” interjected Clary.

“-And,” Simon continued “You didn’t let it drag you down. You painted, and now you’re totally famous!” Jocelyn had a devoted following of patrons who bought her works.

“Aww, Simon.” Jocelyn went over and pulled him into a hug.

“It’s true!”

“Luke, you’ll be careful right?” Clary asked, a hesitancy in her voice.

“I will, Clary.” said Luke, wanting to reassure her.

“Luke…” Clary trailed off.

“Yes?”

“I still have a lot of questions.”

Luke had to smile at that. “I’m sure you do.”

“But… even though I just found out the truth about my dad, he’s not really my dad, you know?”

“I do.”

“Umm, and it’s not just because he’s nuts that he’s not my dad. It was the same even when I thought that other man was my dad. The military man.”

“This must be confusing for you.”

“Well, I get why Mom lied, but yeah, it’s still confusing. But I’m really happy you came back to Mom and I. That you stayed, and you took care of me, even though you and Mom aren’t together. So yeah, you’re more my dad than this guy.” Clary shuffled her feet, looking down at the ground.

“Oh my God! That’s so touching, we should have brought some tissues! Mrs. Fray, do you have any tissues?” exclaimed Simon.

“I do. That is very sweet, dear.” said Jocelyn, a smile on her face, the first real smile she had given since Luke arrived tonight.

“It’s been very important to me to be here with you, watching you grow. You too, Simon.” said Luke, putting as much sincerity into his voice as he could.

Luke cared for Clary deeply, but he thought of himself as her guardian. Jocelyn had called him Clary’s uncle at first, but he didn’t care for it, and Clary found it confusing. “Is he your brother, Mommy? Is he Daddy’s?” He preferred she call him Luke, and that’s what she did.

He and Jocelyn had such a disagreement about what Clary was to be told about their past and her heritage. Then adding Luke’s own awkwardness with Jocelyn; His rejected marriage proposal to her; Jocelyn not wanting Luke to come with her when she left Idris. Even when he had found them again, Jocelyn wasn’t sure she wanted him to stay. Even after she had agreed he could, he wondered would she later change her mind. Or, what if Jocelyn met someone and wanted to get married, would that change things?

He still remembered when he first saw Clary, butting in front of her mother the first time Luke had come to their apartment, when Jocelyn and he were speaking at the door. “She looks a lot like me, doesn’t she?” Jocelyn had said with a laugh, but at that moment Luke was too awestruck at the sight of her to find it amusing. Yes, she undeniably looked like her mother, but what he felt even more when he saw her was something else, something uniquely Clary, and in an indescribable way he felt as though Clary saw him as well. She’d just stared at him for the longest time and Luke stared right back at her. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her, she’s not normally like this. Honey, say hello.”

“Who are you?” she asked instead. He told her his name was Luke. He’d been using the name Luke Garroway for awhile at that point. He and Jocelyn sat and chatted. Clary sat nearby drawing with her crayons. She shocked Jocelyn and himself when she brought her drawing over and showed it to him first. He knew then that he wanted to stay for as long as Jocelyn would allow. He’d been here for a decade in spite of all the strikes against him.

“I think we need to have a group hug now.” said Clary, wrapping one arm around Luke- who wrapped his arm around her shoulders- and holding the other out to Simon- who came barreling over, putting an arm around Clary- and her mother -who hurried over with a laugh, hugging Simon with one arm and Luke with the other.

“Oh, I think that’s our taxi now.” said Jocelyn, pulling away from the hug. “I hate goodbyes. We’ll be in touch. Take care of yourselves!”

“Bye, Simon, try not to come up with too awful of a band name while I’m away.” said Clary, with a feigned acidic tone.

“Try not to get any shorter while you’re away.” said Simon, mimicking her.

Clary raised her eyebrows. “That’s a low blow.”

“Literally. Low, short, get it?” replied Simon, satisfied.

“I’m stopping talking to you now.” said Clary, abruptly switching focus. “Bye, Luke!”

“Bye, Clary. Everything will be okay.”

“Yep, just some minor technical difficulties. The show must go on! Bye!”

Clary and Jocelyn got into the cab, rolled their windows down and waved some more. Luke and Simon watched the cab pull back into the road, and drive away.

“Come along, Simon. I’ll give you a ride home.”

“Thanks, that was emotionally exhausting. I am emotionally exhausted right now.”

It wasn’t a long ride to Simon’s home. They were both silent at first. Simon watched the traffic and buildings as they passed by. Luke too, was taking a moment to process all that had just happened.

“This is like something out of a movie.” said Simon.

“Real life is often stranger than fiction.”

Simon went quiet again. Luke looked over to him. Simon’s brow was furrowed, he appeared deep in thought.

“Are you alright? I know that was a lot to take in.” said Luke.

“Yeah, it’s just, you’ll think this is stupid.” Simon said, bashfully.

“Try me.” So much of his focus had been on Jocelyn and Clary, but he worried now for Simon.

“Well, when I first met Clary, and I found out her dad had died, I felt like I wasn’t so alone. No one else I knew had lost a parent. Sure, people had divorced parents, but no one’s parent had died. Clary was okay, so I could be okay without my dad too.”

“And now Clary’s father isn’t dead.” said Luke, seeing where Simon was going with this.

“Yeah. It makes me sad. I know the situations are totally different, but it makes me wish my dad could just pop out and be like ‘Oh, hey, there was a misunderstanding. I’m back!’ Is this making any sense?”

“Yes, but I believe you and Clary’s friendship is strong enough to survive not having that in common, and more importantly, it’s okay to miss your father, Simon.”

“Aww shucks, and I was already emotionally exhausted.” said Simon, wiping at his eyes.

Luke parked in front of Simon’s house.

“Here we are.” said Luke.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“Of course. I’ll be in touch when I hear something. Tell me your number quick.”

Simon recited his number to Luke, who entered it in his phone.

“Got it. I’ll text you now so you’ve got mine too.”

“Great.”

“Rest now. It’s been a trying evening.”

“I will. Popcorn and TV marathon coming up.” said Simon with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Simon opened up the passenger door, then paused, looking serious. “Um, are you going to be okay? Like, are you worried Valentine is going to show up again?”

“I’m not too worried about that. I’ll be okay.”

“Okay.” said Simon, with a tinge of hesitancy. “Well, talk to you soon.”

“Bye, Simon. Say hello to your mother for me.”

“Will do, goodnight!”

“Goodnight.”

Luke waited as Simon walked up to his front door. As he was getting his key chain, the door opened, and Mrs. Lewis appeared. She gave Simon a hug, and waved hello to Luke. Luke waved back, then drove home.

After all the commotion, it was jarring to be in the silence of his house. He’d been fairly calm while he was talking with Jocelyn, Clary and Simon, even with Valentine at the beginning of the evening, but now he felt wired, and while he meant what he said, that he would follow Jocelyn’s wishes, he also felt the weight of all the lies he had told tonight. He had also repeatedly said things would be okay. That wasn’t so much a lie as it was a hope for an outcome that had not yet been determined.

Luke entered the kitchen, made himself a sandwich, and sat down. He was too energized to sleep, or even read, but he didn’t want to go out tonight, not with Valentine nearby, probably monitoring his every move. He’d been putting off doing some cleaning around the house and shop, but now he went at it: wiping, scrubbing and vacuuming. He let his mind go blank as he did so. When he was finished, he felt tired enough to sleep.

He wondered briefly if he was safe to sleep. Would Valentine try anything? Did Valentine know where Jocelyn and Clary were going? Was he a fool to think Valentine would keep his word? He figured Simon would be left out of things, Valentine wasn’t one to stoop to such measures as taking hostages, especially a mundane. He again concluded it didn’t fit with Valentine’s personality to kill him in his sleep, and they already had a meeting set up tomorrow. He wanted a full night’s rest before that.

With that uneasy reasoning, Luke turned out the lights and laid down.


	4. Chapter 4

Luke woke the next morning. He had slept soundly, so soundly that as he woke up, he couldn’t remember what it was he had to do that day, though he remembered there was something. Then it came back.

He had given Valentine a time that was far enough away as to tell Jocelyn about his appearance and prepare himself for seeing him again, but not too far away as to make Valentine frustrated. Valentine was not patient man.

Luke got up and made himself breakfast. As he sat waiting for the coffee to brew, he thought of last evening. His and Jocelyn’s actions had been done in haste. He still did not know which was the best course of action, so it wasn’t that he disagreed with Jocelyn about the particular decisions of last night. It was not the same as the last time they had parted ways, when he had truly disagreed, but he had a cold feeling in his chest nonetheless. Would he ever see Jocelyn and Clary again?

It was different that time, in that Clary had not yet been born. He had grieved not being with her, but he had never met her face to face. This time he said goodbye to a nearly adult woman.

As a young man, he had thought often of himself and Jocelyn raising children of their own. Then he had offered to marry Jocelyn and raise Clary as his own. Though neither of those scenarios played out, he hadn’t been as far off the mark as he thought. He had raised a child with Jocelyn, only not as her spouse or as the father of that child.

He’d been honored the first time Jocelyn had asked if he would watch Clary while she went away on business, knowing how fiercely protective she was of her. He worried Clary would be agitated without Jocelyn. Why was she being left with Luke, who showed up out of the blue?

The first few times Luke stayed with Clary at their apartment, sleeping on the couch. When that went well, and Jocelyn needed to travel more, Luke converted a room at his house into a bedroom for Clary and she started spending the whole time Jocelyn was away at his place.

She liked exploring the stacks of the book shop. He had an almost endless supply of books to read to her at night. He’d been cooking for himself long enough that making her food didn’t intimidate him, and Clary could entertain herself with her paper and colored pencils at the kitchen table when he really needed to take care of something.

It was difficult to not think of Clary now; he could see the door to her bedroom from where he was sitting. He could only hope that she would be back soon, that Valentine was telling the truth. In the past he thought he would be angry if he saw Valentine, and certainly Valentine resurfacing had caused a major disruption, but for better or for worse, he was one of the most important people in his life, and what he more felt was a sense of anticipation, and that this meeting was inevitable.

It was time to open the shop. His shop wasn’t large, but he did a good business. The room was packed with bookshelves upon bookshelves, and held the strong scent of paper. The front was lined with windows, but further back was dimly light, just enough that people could see the books. The floors were wood, and so were the shelves. He had gray carpet runners lining the aisles. The walls, the ones that could be seen were a light gray as well. There was a peaceful quality to the place.

Work went as usual: greeting customers, talking with regulars, giving book suggestions when asked. He had already tidied up the shelves of books last night. Often he just sat at the front desk, meditating.

When closing time came around, he found he was too tense to eat. He was glad he had not put off this meeting any longer. He turned the shop sign to closed and locked up the cash box. Then, when the time came he went outside to wait for Valentine.

He didn’t know if Valentine would want to come inside, but Luke had decided he would suggest it. He’d been thinking of what he wanted to ask and those questions weren’t something he wanted to talk about in a cafe or restaurant, and he was still afraid of a fight breaking out and hurting Mundanes. He concealed a weapon, the Morgenstern blade that Valentine had given to him that terrible day.

Valentine arrived promptly at nine o’clock. Again impeccably dressed, again with a magnetism that gave passerby pause.

“Lucian.” Valentine had been a skilled orator when they were in Idris. His voice was commanding with a rich undertone. If people had not paid him attention from his bearing and manner, they almost certainly did after they heard the sound of his voice.

“Valentine.”

“I saw that Jocelyn and Clarissa left the city.”

Luke tensed. He assumed Valentine would know this, but it was still jarring.

“Yes, I told her I spoke with you.”

“I assumed you would. I am not displeased.”

“There are many things I want to ask you, but I don’t want to ask them here. Would you be willing to come inside?”

Valentine’s eyes widened slightly. “You are truly willing to invite me in? You believe I do not intend to harm you?”

“You haven’t yet and the questions I want to ask you, I don’t want to ask in public.”

Valentine seemed satisfied with that. He gave a slight smile. “Let us go inside then.”

Luke unlocked the shop door and led the way, through the store and to the door that led to his living quarters. Valentine followed a few paces behind. When they got to the kitchen, Luke gestured at the table for Valentine to take a seat, and then sat down across from him.

Valentine looked out of place sitting in his kitchen, and not just because of their falling out. He had grown up in a grand manor home, and it suited him, while Luke’s kitchen was fine but ordinary. White laminate countertops, wood cupboards, a small apartment size refrigerator. The table they were now sitting at was a small round one he purchased at an estate sale. He used to sell antiques as well, but he decided to use the retail space solely for books a few years ago. He still had a mishmash of items around the house from those sales; artwork, decorative items. All the furniture he had either picked up off the street and restored or purchased secondhand. He kept things clean enough, partly motivated by Clary’s frequent visits, and he was able to keep up with household repairs, but the house was by no means glamorous, not the way the Valentine’s family home had been.

He and Amatis had lived in a small, modestly furnished cottage in one of the smaller villages surrounding Idris. They struggled after his father’s death, and even more so when his mother left. They had enough for food, and what they needed for their education was provided to them, but they didn’t have much else. In their earliest winters alone, he and Amatis had slept in a huddle by the fireplace to stay warm. He knew that others weren’t doing this, and told no one.

Jocelyn and he became friends after his mother’s departure. She came over one day when Amatis was struggling to mend one of Luke’s shirts. After that, the Fairchild’s started sending them care packages regularly. Luke shook his head; seeing Valentine was bringing up all sorts of memories.

“Is Jonathan alive?” Luke asked, after Valentine sat down. This was Luke’s highest priority question, and he led quickly with it.

“Yes, he is. I have cared for him.”

“Why did you run with him?”

“That decision was made in a fit of madness. My plans had failed, my wife betrayed me. I considered our marriage over. I knew Jocelyn was terrified of Jonathan, and I did not know what the Clave would do with him if they discovered he had demon blood. I would rather kidnap him than allow him to be harmed. By the time I regained my composure, Jocelyn was gone.”

Luke was surprised Valentine had answered him so easily.

“And Clary, you know she is your daughter?” said Luke, continuing with his most pressing questions.

“Yes, though I was not aware she existed until recently.” Valentine looked somewhat frustrated at this.

“How long have you known?”

“For a year or so. Jocelyn’s efforts were not for naught. She hid from me for most of this time.”

These answers, though revealing were terse. Luke wasn’t sure if Valentine would answer further questions about his children. He decided to ask about something Valentine had revealed on his own.

“You said you were not pleased with what have you done. What did you mean?”” asked Luke.

Valentine sat back in his chair. “Do you remember how much we enjoyed the story of Robin Hood?” replied Valentine.

Luke nodded. He did remember, but he chose to stay silent and let Valentine continue.

“It seemed so simple. The rich, the powerful are corrupt, so let us steal from them. Let us create our own band of Merry Men. I have since thought how the early days of the Circle resembled that, especially when Jocelyn – my own Maid Marian – and I moved into her family’s estate. All of us together, far from the city. Robin Hood was so convinced he was correct he overlooked all consequences, and he did die in the end, because of his actions. At the time, that seemed noble, just.

“I was much like that. I believed the Clave was unjustly keeping the riches – the Cup – from the masses. That I could steal it and give it back. I too ignored all consequences – the casualties of the Uprising, the fallout for those who allied with me, the Mundanes who would not survive drinking from the Cup. I believed it was necessary though, to fight off the demons and their spawn.

“I said the world would be safer if they were all destroyed, that the potential of them causing harm – though to me at the time it was more than that, I believed they would inevitably cause harm - was justification enough for killing them. The reality was more complex. Grief over my father and fallen comrades who had been killed by Downworlders. Also, my own jealousy of them: their speed, strength, improved senses, immortality.

“They were all part demon one way or another, and we Nephilim were charged with hunting demons, or so I interpreted it, to rationalize my hatred. The demon blood would always taint Downworlders. Unless, of course, the one who had the demon blood was my child. How easily I changed my beliefs. He would be able to master the demon blood and use it to his advantage, do only good.

“I will tell you that was not true. Jonathan is challenging. He does not have any standard sense of right or wrong, and he absolutely has a lust for violence. When I saw he could not truly temper himself, I taught him to channel it in the most appropriate way I could think of; killing demons.”

Valentine paused for a moment, seemingly to gather his thoughts. “Did I prove my point, you may be wondering? The demon blood did change him, but he is my son and I love him dearly. I have concluded that though danger exists, each individual still has a right to make his or her own choices. To judge that one will do harm before one has actually done so and then punish for that – is a choice that is not mine to make. I can see the divine in my son, with the demon blood. The human and the angelic that I chose not to see in Downworlders before, I see it now.”

Luke was suspicious. This was so different from the last times he had spoken with Valentine. This is what he had hoped Valentine would someday believe, back before Luke had been changed, when he and Jocelyn had tried to temper his hatred.

“You truly mean that? Mean all of this?” asked Luke.

“I do.”

Valentine was calm as he was saying all this. Luke didn’t have the feeling he was trying to convince him of anything. Luke had seen Valentine’s powers of persuasion many times in Idris. He would often take positions in debates that he himself didn’t believe, to test his abilities, and he was still able to get the last word in. Only afterward would he confide to Luke he didn’t believe any of it. Luke eventually learned to tell the difference between his rhetoric versus his true beliefs. Valentine would appear somewhat amused when he was faking it, he was serious when he was not. To the best of his abilities, he believed Valentine was sincere.

There was another question Luke had wanted to ask Valentine, one he had wondered about for many years. “Did you turn me on purpose? Jocelyn suspected you had, to get me out of the way, after she had confided her fears about the baby to me.”

Valentine looked briefly puzzled. “Did I pay the werewolves to turn you? I did not.”

There were precedents for that; Shadowhunters hiring werewolves and vampires to turn someone they had a grudge against. That was not what he had meant, but now that he was asking Valentine, this theory seemed less plausible. If Valentine had wanted him out of the way, he would be out of the way. Still, he asked. “No, did you hear about the werewolf pack location, and hope I would be turned or killed during the raid?”

Valentine paused. Luke had the feeling he was studying him, though he didn’t know what he could be looking for.

“You have thought that all these years? No, I was not hoping that would happen, though I can see why Jocelyn suspected me. My actions were becoming more and more tyrannical. Yes, I was disturbed by Jocelyn’s doubts in me, that she confided in you first. I knew you were both trying to pacify me. That disturbed me as well, but I believed you would both eventually side with me.

“I actually hoped we could bridge the gap that night, going on the raid together. You would see the threat the Downworlders posed, see the pack that had killed my father, and we would see eye to eye, but as I said, I was disturbed. This next piece is truly contemptible.

“My vendetta against Downworlders, taking the Cup, even the demon blood administered to Jonathan and Jocelyn – I truly believed I was right at the time I did those things. It was only later I would come to see the error of my ways.

“That night you were bit, Lucian, I knew right then I had made an error. I took us into battle knowing there was distance between us. I was careless, and I did not look out for you as Nephilim should, much less as parabatai should. I was more focused on my other plans; I thought this mission could be a quick fix to my problems with you, even a quick fix to my grief about my father. At the very least a satisfying strike against werewolves.

“As I said, I knew I was at fault, but I did not want to face it. You becoming something I hated, in part because of my negligence. I had broken my vow to you. Even with the experiment during Jocelyn’s pregnancy, I didn’t see that at the time as a failure of my marriage vows. I thought I was being a good father, and in turn a good husband, by making our child strong.

“I wanted the problem to disappear. By giving you my family blade and telling you to dispose of yourself– though I told you it was to protect your own honor – I would get rid of any reminder of my wrongdoing and continue on with my mission. I would not have to question my belief that all Downworlders should be destroyed. In fact, it only added to my rightousness; now Downworlders had taken my parabatai.”

Luke had been listening with a growing sense of unease. He did believe Valentine, what he was saying now, but now he had to change his history to accommodate these new truths. Though he had not enjoyed believing Valentine had betrayed him, by turning him that night, he had been able to find some purpose from it. It had given him the motivation to work against and eventually fight Valentine at the Accords that night in Idris.

To find out that Luke’s being turned was the problem, and that was a problem only because it got in the way of Valentine’s beliefs about himself and the world, that was a shock. That that was enough to give Luke the blade, the same blade that Luke had at this moment pressing up against his back. That betrayal hurt so much more.

Luke had the quick thought he would have preferred not to know. He then thought about Jocelyn’s choice to lie to Clary, or as she said to spare her the truth. He had always been against it, but now he felt he may have reached the limit of how much truth he wanted, and he could empathize more, why Jocelyn did what she did. Did knowing this help him?

Luke was interrupted from that line of thought by a full body shudder. His focus grew very narrow. It had been a long time since he had last involuntarily started to change, but it was happening now. His eyesight sharpened, his fingers were lengthening. He tried and failed to return to his human body. He spared a glance at Valentine, who was alert but not aggressive.

“It would be best if you go now.” said Luke, slightly garbled because his teeth had started morphing, as he rose from the table, and nodded towards his back door.

“Understood.” said Valentine succinctly, as he swiftly rose and walked away from the table and out the door.

After Luke heard the door latch, he took off the Morgenstern blade and left it on the kitchen table. He then went to the door Valentine had just left from, locked it, quickly made his way to the basement door and descended the stairs. He continued to the room he used for his transformations, hitting the timer switch that would lock the door for a preset time and then locked himself in. He had manacles in here and he was able to to get one around his right ankle before he felt another full body jolt, and then he lost awareness.


	5. Chapter 5

Luke came to lying down on the floor of his padded cell, wearing the clothes he’d been wearing last night, one ankle chained, surrounded by downy feathers. He looked up and saw that the wolf had chewed through the padded wall coverings that it could reach with the one manacle on. He wore the manacles as a back up should the cell door fail. When he was the wolf for short periods he had control and presence of mind but during the involuntary full moon transformations the wolf fought more. Sometimes he lost patches of time. Once it realized it was in this cage with the manacles, it would settle down. It made his transformations less tiresome.

Last night had been different. The wolf had struggled violently, he could feel it in his body. He had no memory of being in the cell after he got that first manacle on. This was disturbing; he had completely blacked out. His right ankle was dully aching and starting to prickle into a fiercer pain.

He glanced up at the wall clock he had installed here. It was morning. He would need to open the shop soon. He on occasion asked Jocelyn to run the shop when a transformation had been too much for him. She always called or stopped by the mornings after full moons. He would have asked her to do that today, if she were here.

He sat up and took off the manacle. He knew that between rest and the wolf’s healing abilities his ankle would be fine but it still hurt for now.

Valentine. Where was he now? What did he think of that? How obvious it must have been, the impact of his confession. Though that was why Valentine was here, wasn’t he? To make amends?

Luke stood now, favoring his left leg. The timer had gone off and the door was unlocked. He walked out and back up to the first floor, washed up, changed his clothes. He skipped breakfast – he didn’t have an appetite – and iced his ankle instead. Then he unlocked the front door and flipped the sign to open. He did not feel well, but he felt well enough to sit at the front and man a cash register.

Around midday, Simon walked in. “Hey!”

“Good afternoon, Simon.”

“Uh, Luke? You don’t look so good.”

Luke hadn’t realized he was noticeably unwell. He looked haggard even to himself so much of the time that he didn’t always notice when he looked even more so. “I twisted my ankle last night, but I’ll be okay.”

“How’d you do that?” asked Simon, his voice full of concern. “That’s not like you… Wait, you weren’t, you know?” Simon gestured bringing a drink to his lips.

Luke knew Simon was more sensitive than most about drinking because of his mother’s troubles, but he started laughing at the absurdity between that and what had actually happened last night.

“No, Simon. I was not drinking last night.”

Simon looked relieved and started laughing too.

“That’s good. I really needed that laugh. I’ve been worried since Clary and Mrs. Fray left.”

He worried for Jocelyn and Clary about the impact of Valentine’s return, but not that Valentine was going to physically harm them. He’d never really thought Valentine would harm Clary, knowing that she was his daughter. Maybe abduct her, but Luke didn’t think he would do that now. Even with Jocelyn’s betrayal, he didn’t think Valentine would harm her. Only if he had wanted the Cup, but he didn’t appear to be interested in that. He hadn’t asked Luke where it was, not that Luke knew.

He’d previously thought he was the one Valentine was most likely to attack, but his restraint even whilst Luke was uncontrollably turning into a werewolf across the table from him seemed to be the final evidence that Valentine did not mean physical harm.

“I’m sure they are fine. I’ve heard no more from Valentine, or the police. Though Clary is probably dangerously bored without you.” More lies.

“I am more entertaining than anyone I know.” said Simon happily. “I’m here on business too. My mom wants me to pick up some of her ‘stories’. I’ve got a list here. God, why do I pick these up for her? It’s so embarrassing.”

“She gives you pocket money. Here, give me the list, I’ll get them for you.”

“Thanks,” said Simon as he handed the list to Luke. “I’m going to check out the fantasy section. Meet you back at the front!”

Luke nodded in return, then headed to the romance section. Simon may be embarrassed, but Luke did his best business in the romance genre. He found the titles Mrs. Lewis wanted then went back to the front desk. After a few minutes, Simon came back with a novel and Luke rang him out, putting the books in a paper bag.

“Thanks, Luke. I’m going over to Eric’s place for band practice. I’ll be in touch!”

“Bye, Simon. See you soon.”

The shop felt more empty than it was after Simon left, but Simon had that way about him. Luke did worry though; how long could this go on? He would have to talk to Valentine about his plans, the next time he saw him.

He had wondered if Valentine would come back, and decided that he would. Last night had ended abruptly; it felt unfinished. It was difficult though, not knowing when Valentine would stop in. He had no way of contacting Valentine himself. Luke thought he might come back at nine o’clock that evening, repeating last night’s meeting time, but Valentine did not appear.

Luke had a quiet time of it, resting his ankle, but it was difficult to focus on anything except the current situation. Would Jocelyn ever feel it safe to return, and how could Jocelyn convince Clary of that without telling her the truth about her father? What would Simon be told? Simon would not let go of Clary without a fight, and vice versa.

Another question nagged at him. Should he feel any responsibility to turn Valentine over to the Clave? Would that solve Jocelyn’s problems? He had not felt the need to hunt Valentine down after the Uprising, to have him brought to justice. Luke thought now of what crimes the Clave would charge Valentine with. Leading an attempted coup. Breaking the Accords by attacking and killing Downworlders. Sabotaging a peace treaty? Attempted theft of the Mortal Cup. Jocelyn herself was guilting of stealing the Cup, and Luke -though he didn’t know where the Cup was- knew that she had done this.

Luke did agree with Valentine that the Clave’s rulings often felt arbitrary. He knew that bribes, friends in high places, and family status could get one out of trouble despite what the Clave drilled into all young Shadowhunters; the Law is hard, but it is the Law.

Luke was glad Valentine had not been able to accomplish his goals, but he didn’t believe he was the only one responsible for what had happened. He had not forced anyone to follow him; all who had did so willingly. He himself had almost left, not liking the direction the Circle was taking, and would have if Jocelyn had not asked him to stay on, to try to moderate. He had to take responsibility for that choice.

Valentine had not planned on forcing anyone to drink from the Mortal Cup either, only those who wanted to. To Luke, his most heinous crime was the killing of innocent Downworlders, a crime many Nephilim were guilty of.

He did not think he could apprehend Valentine, but even if he could, he found time and time again he did not want to, and he did not want to involve himself with the Clave. Even if it would assuage Jocelyn’s fears about Valentine’s whereabouts, it seemed impossible for her or Luke to avoid being known by the Clave and for Clary not be dragged in as well. If Clary were to be involved with the Shadow World, he wanted it to be her choice. If Valentine was truly not harming anyone, Luke was content to leave it at that.

And maybe, though it was hard for him to truly hold on to this thought, it was painful for him to fight Valentine. Just as Valentine had not been able to kill him when he had first turned into a werewolf – even though Valentine at the time truly believed him to be a monster – because of who they were to each other, even now Luke had a hard time fighting Valentine. He had done it at the Uprising knowing that he was preventing a massacre by fighting but he had been out of his mind with rage and grief, believing Valentine had thought he was in the way and gotten rid of him. Hearing from and believing Valentine, that he hadn’t done that, along with Valentine’s admission of guilt changed things.

Luke stilled his mind, knowing this would get him no further tonight. He had a light dinner, read. Then, still tired from the night before, he went to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke awoke the next morning to memories of when he and Valentine became parabatai. He had honestly been shocked when Valentine had asked him. It was not a common ceremony or expected rite of passage. Luke had not grown up wanting to have a parabatai like some of his classmates had, and by his early teens he started to have so much trouble with his studies that he thought he might not be a Shadowhunter, much less someone’s parabatai. He passed by the skin of his teeth for a few years before they met.

He considered Valentine’s offer to tutor him and his rapid improvement thereafter a miracle. He was so grateful. Valentine had been interested in tutoring someone. He wanted to hone his own skills, later saying one learns even more teaching, so he asked one of their professors if someone needed help. The professor gave Valentine Luke’s name, and Valentine approached him on his own.

Luke enjoyed their time together but he could see that many others felt the same. Valentine had a loyal following. He had gone out of his way to befriend others who were struggling in their own ways, and Luke could recognize the awe on their faces when they talked with Valentine because Luke himself felt that way with him.

When he improved to the point where he knew he would be able to pass he thought he wouldn’t see Valentine as much, but Valentine still asked him to spar, study. They ate meals and Luke met some of the others Valentine befriended.

More and more classmates were being drawn in hearing Valentine’s debates and his visions for the Clave. It seemed certain Valentine would make his way to a high office and many were inspired, wanting to be there with him.

And even still he and Valentine spent time together, even still just the two of them. They were studying in Luke’s dormitory after dinner when Valentine asked.

They waited a few weeks before telling anyone. Luke was terribly happy, the happiest he could remember being really. It was a novel experience for him, to be the object of such envy after they did announce their intention to be parabatai. Valentine had a way of making everyone in his circle feel equally important. It came as a shock to them all, for Luke to be so irrevocably singled out.

He could still remember the look on Amatis’ face when he told her; surprised, happy, proud even. Valentine never told him as much, but he could tell by the look his parents’ faces that they were not equally thrilled; more of a reluctant acceptance. It wasn’t so much they disapproved of him personally, but disliked his status. He and Amatis were not from a powerful family to begin with, then add on the pity of being orphaned; father killed in combat and mother gone to join the Iron Sisters, leaving a young daughter to look after her even younger son.

The morning of the ceremony Luke had a terrible feeling, an ominous feeling. A dream he couldn’t quite recall when he woke, but he felt it had to do with the ceremony. Amatis had found him crying in his bedroom. She asked if he had doubts. It was strange; he felt certain he wanted to go through with the ceremony, yet he couldn’t shake the dread or the grief. He knew he was alarming his sister, but he couldn’t explain and it took him a good hour after she found him to regain his composure.

Amatis put on her Shadowhunter gear, as he himself wore, and they walked arm in arm, just the two of them, into Idris. They normally did not walk arm in arm, but they often had when they were younger. Amatis held on to him this way when she took him out shopping with her. It was a long walk into Idris from their cottage, but Amatis was rattled, seeing him so upset, and looped her arm in his as they left the house. He did not mind, he appreciated the comfort it brought.

They met Valentine and his parents in the plaza outside the Council building where the ceremony took place. There would be a larger gathering later at the Morgenstern manor for family and friends. Valentine had no siblings, but a large extended family.

Luke worried Valentine would see something on his face or in his posture to indicate the rough morning, but he made no sign of it. They made their vows to each other in front of their families and the Council. Then they went just the two of them back to a private chamber with one of the Silent Brothers.

He started to feel nervous again, at the enormity of what they were doing, and at the presence of the Silent Brother. His appearance was disquieting but he found himself more upset thinking about his mother, that she was living a similarly dedicated life. Did she think of him and Amatis? Did anyone tell her about them?

The Brother took them through the rune ceremony, explaining its effects, what it meant, asking if they were sure. They both said yes, then they each drew the rune onto the other and it was done.

The Brother left the room. He told them to rest, that the period initially after drawing the runes could be exhausting, but it would not last long. There was a bench in the room, and they sat down together. Neither of them spoke. When they felt better, they stood up, and went to meet their families outside.

They made their way out into the hall and to a flight of stairs; both were deserted. There was a stained glass window in the stairwell, and Luke paused on the stairs to look at it, a flash of sunlight caused it to shine. Valentine stopped on the landing a few steps ahead of him, looking back to see why he had stopped.

Their eyes met, and Luke was struck with a desire to reach out and hug Valentine around the shoulders. They were not hands on with each other, not like Valentine was with some other members of the Circle, as they had taken to calling themselves. Robert might throw an arm around Valentine if they were joking around, or Valentine would give Michael a pat on the back as a greeting or farewell. This gesture would be more intimate than those but Luke went ahead with it anyway, taking the few steps down to the landing and reaching forward. He and Valentine were about the same height, so he didn’t have to reach too high. Valentine wrapped his arms around Luke’s back, and they held each other for a moment in the stairwell.

When they heard a door open nearby they split apart. It was not so much that Luke was embarrassed to be hugging Valentine, but the moment felt too private to be witnessed, and he assumed Valentine felt the same.

“Let us go, parabatai.” said Valentine.

Hearing road noise brought Luke back to the present. It was strange to think of these happier times with Valentine. For the longest time when he thought of him, he could only remember the morning after his first werewolf transformation; the coldness in his eyes. Or the rage when they had fought. He was not able to delude himself into believing he hated Valentine, but that wasn’t the same as being able to feel love. For Amatis, it was easy. He could recall many happy memories, even with their estrangement. In regards to Valentine, he had thought if he hadn’t managed to get those feelings back, maybe he never would.

But here they were again, these memories, the love and happiness. All because Valentine had said it was not a deliberate, at least not the way Luke had thought, because certainly what had happened after, the fight at the Uprising, giving Luke the blade, was.

He got up out of bed, changed his clothes and went outside to get some air, feel the sun on his skin. That always soothed him. He was surprised to see a raven perched on the fence that divided his and his neighbor’s property. The raven looked at him intently, then flew over, landed on the ground in front of Luke, holding out its leg, to which a small piece of parchment was bound. Luke knelt down and retrieved the message. It was from Valentine. He recognized his handwriting. It was not a long message, only “May I call on you tonight at nine o’clock?”

Luke went inside to get a pen, wrote “Yes,” then went back outside, knelt down to the raven, and reattached the message to its leg. When he was done, he stood back up, and the raven spread its wings and took flight.

He watched the bird fly away, noting its direction, though that wouldn’t be much help determining Valentine’s location. Luke sighed. He had the feeling of being pulled into a current, but he was not sure where it was leading. Much as he had that morning so many years ago that he had just been reminiscing about, the morning of his and Valentine’s parabatai ceremony, he felt certain he needed to see Valentine again, but he was uneasy about the outcome.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains Mature content.

Luke went about his usual day. He had breakfast, washed up, opened the shop. He felt much better physically. The wolf’s healing ability combined with his resting had taken care of his ankle, as he had thought.

He closed up at eight o’clock. The previous evening and that morning had been pleasant, but the weather grew intense as the day wore on, hot and humid, and there wasn’t any relief going into the night hours. Luke had a small dinner, the heat zapped his appetite. He went outside to wait for Valentine, who was prompt and impeccably dressed as usual.

“Good evening, Lucian.”

“Come in, let’s get out of the heat.”

“Agreed.”

Luke took Valentine around the house to the back entrance, straight into his kitchen, where they again sat down. Luke didn’t have air conditioning in the store or his living quarters, but he had fans. Luke brought out a pitcher of ice water from the fridge set down two glasses, pouring himself and Valentine drinks. He took a sip, then set about getting more questions answered.

“Valentine, are you wanting to talk with Jocelyn and Clary?”

“I do not honestly expect Jocelyn or Clarissa would want to speak with me.”

“What about Jonathan? Does he know you’ve found his mother?”

“Yes, he does, but he has not expressed interest in seeing her. Despite his difficulties, he is loyal to me. He believes I was in the right, so to speak, to give him the demon blood, and Jocelyn was ungrateful to me. I have tried to explain to him why she was upset with me. He humors me, but he does not truly have empathy for his mother’s pain. He would like to meet Clarissa, but I asked him not to seek her out. I could see Jocelyn wanted to get away and shield Clarissa. Jonathan appearing would burst that illusion. To follow her wishes seemed the kindest thing I could do at this point. I caused great harm to her and our son.”

“Yet, you sought me out?”

“I cannot contend this makes sense. I felt the kindest thing I could do for Jocelyn was to leave her alone, yet I felt I needed to see you. I could not see you without Jocelyn eventually knowing. A Catch-22.”

“Do you feel you found what you were looking for, coming to see me?”

“No, there is more I wish to say to you. I did not see it then, but I can see now; I broke my vows to you. Yes, you becoming a child of the moon technically broke our agreement, but I descended more truly into darkness than you ever did. I will not ask your forgiveness, but I am sorry, Lucian. I am sorry I was consumed by hatred for Downworlders and the Clave, that I broke my marriage vows to Jocelyn, that I convinced Stephen to leave Amatis. And please believe me, I am sorry I gave you that blade and told you to end your life, and I am glad you did not.”

Luke felt muscles he hadn’t even realized were tense relax. This was more than he had ever hoped for, and he found he was ready to talk as well.

“I almost did.” Luke said quietly, bringing his elbows on the table.

“What changed your mind?” Valentine asked, genuinely curious.

“I was too afraid to kill myself, but I wanted to die. When I went to the wolf pack and challenged the leader, the one who turned me, I was hoping to be killed. I think the fight broke through my despair and made me realize I wanted to live.”

“Battle does have a way of doing that. I also want to thank you. I am not under the impression you did this for me, but I can see you supported Jocelyn and cared for my child in my absence.”

Jocelyn had been his friend long before he met Valentine. Luke could have said he sought them out and stayed because of that bond, or that he did it for himself. Both of those were true, but not the entire truth.

“I think I did it partly for you. ‘Your people are my people.’” Luke replied, quoting the vow parabatai made to each other.

“Truly, after everything?” Valentine sounded skeptical. “There is something I have been curious about. Were you not in love with Jocelyn? Why are you two not together? Unless I am mistaken and you are?”

This would have been a much more sensitive subject for Luke years before, but he had come to some peace about it. What was more strange was talking about this with Valentine. It was bold of him to ask, but he had always been bold. 

“I did ask Jocelyn to marry me after the Uprising. I told her I would raise Clary as my own, that I had been in love with her since I was sixteen. She turned me down, told me she loved me but not in that way. I asked her if I could go with her anyway. She told me no, that she needed to go on her own.”

“You weren’t with Jocelyn this whole time?” Valentine asked with surprise.

“No. For the last ten years I’ve been here. I found Jocelyn again, by luck. I saw her art in a gallery.”

“Are you still in love with her?”

Luke sighed. “Not romantically. You?”

“Our marriage shattered. I respect her, she is the mother of my children, but that love is not as it once was. To be frank, I am surprised Jocelyn left you after the Uprising. I do not understand why, but you have a tragic fate of people leaving you through no fault of your own.”

“You don’t think I chose the wrong path? The wrong people? Before you tutored me, you know I wasn’t doing well in my studies. I was about to fail out of the Academy. I was thinking of leaving Idris, to not bring further shame on Amatis, and living as a Mundane. I ended up doing that anyway, but I decided to stay, after your help. I made a choice.

“And Jocelyn… there was a reason she married you and not me in the first place. I knew she might reject me when I asked. That was not as painful as -“

Luke stopped himself. He had been quite open with Valentine, much more than he imagined he would be, but with this hesitated. Valentine stayed silent for a moment, waiting to see if Luke would continue on his own. When he did not, he asked quietly, “As painful as what, Lucian?”

It had been painful to grow up without his father. He had few memories of him. He had more memories of his mother. He had not understood why she was leaving. He understood his father had died, and that was why he was not with him. His mother’s choice to join the Iron Sisters – though she had tried to explain it was a calling, a service – had been more ambiguous, a wound that never healed.

At least he had Amatis. They got along well. Amatis refusing to see him after he was bit was shattering. But that also was not what he had stopped himself from saying. Jocelyn rejecting him – twice really, first the marriage and then coming with her – was miserable, but he had at least somewhat prepared himself for those possibilities. Her asking him not to follow was actually more shocking than her turning down his marriage proposal.

What he had stopped himself from saying, but now came out with it, was this: “After I was bitten, and I didn’t know whether or not I would be turned – though I knew the odds were not in my favor – I knew I was still Nephilim because I could feel our parabatai bond. When it broke, it was…”

Even though Luke was changing into a werewolf for the first time, he remembered distinctly the parabatai rune ending, even amongst every other of his runes ending. It burned out, scorching every piece of him in the process.

“Excruciating.” answered Valentine, his voice solemn.

Luke looked at Valentine. For so long they had been apart, and in the ending of their union, he had felt so alone, but here was Valentine saying he felt it too. He had not been as alone he thought. He flashed back to their hug in the stairwell, when their parabatai bond was new, and he once again felt the urge to embrace him. Instead, Luke looked down at the table and said “I’m glad you came, Valentine.”

Luke realized only after he spoke and felt the shift in the air that this was different subject matter than what they had been speaking of. Up until now they had been discussing other people: Jocelyn, Clary, Jonathan. When they talked about themselves it was their history, and changes in opinion about said history. What Luke just said was about them now, in the present. No other time or people to buffer or divide.

“As am I.” Luke heard Valentine say, as he was still looking down at the table. He was surprised at the onrush of emotion Valentine saying that brought on. The distance he had been keeping from him felt breached, and before he was aware of what he was doing, he stood up from the table, too agitated to remain seated. Valentine stood as well, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair, placing it over his shoulder. Even Valentine made concessions to this heat.

“I’ll take my leave now.” said Valentine. “We have settled things, about as well as we can. Please let Jocelyn know I mean no harm, but if she would like to see Jonathan, that can be arranged. I will send another bird if you find there is anything else you need to ask me. I plan on leaving the area soon.” Luke felt Valentine looking at him. “Is something wrong?”

Valentine must have seen something on his face, in his posture because Luke was tense, arguing with himself. He agreed with Valentine. These talks, they had come to a resolution with each other, but Luke strongly felt he did not want to see Valentine go, yet they could never go back to how they were. He looked up at Valentine, who was gazing at him intently. That same agitated energy that had caused him to stand up took over again. Luke stepped forward and embraced his former parabatai clumsily around the shoulders, just as he wanted to do moments before. He felt Valentine go rigid for an instant, then relax, wrapping his arms securely around Luke’s back, Luke relaxing as he did so.

“Was it the talk of the bond breaking? The Silent Brother told us it would hurt, but I had no concept of what that meant in reality.” said Valentine, who took a deep breath, before admitting, “It was agony.”

Luke tightened his hold around Valentine’s shoulders, took a deep breath himself, then pulled away slightly. He kept one hand on Valentine’s shoulder, letting his other arm fall to his side. Valentine brought his arms back to his sides as well. They stood there listening to the drone of the fan for a few moments. Luke was not looking at Valentine though he knew Valentine was looking at him, searching for something. He was deep in thought. He did what he had wanted to do, so why did he still feel so frustrated?

“What is it, Lucian?” asked Valentine, who was looking at him with open curiosity. He knew he didn’t want Valentine to leave. The embrace had not been enough, but Luke had a feeling of trepidation, something telling him not to continue this line of thought. He felt Valentine’s shoulder under his hand, and it seemed like his body was one step ahead of his mind, because Luke only put the reasoning together of why he should not continue after he had stepped in again, moved his hand from Valentine’s shoulder to his cheek, leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

He could feel how chapped his lips were feeling Valentine’s pressed against his, but what he noticed most was that feeling of agitation subsiding, like a vice around his chest loosening.

Valentine let him do it, but did not respond. That brought Luke back to himself and he pulled away, taking a couple of steps backward, red in the face, shocked over what he had just done. He had not felt for Valentine like this in the past, though, he reminded himself, his feelings for Jocelyn had been platonic for years before turning romantic. Maybe it was a pattern of his. His mind still reeling, he dared a glance at Valentine. He had held his position, and did not look mad; he seemed to be pondering something.

“The Silent Brother also warned us about this.” said Valentine slowly, eventually.

Luke placed Valentine’s comment with their previous conversation. They had been warned. The Silent Brother told them Eros was forbidden between parabatai at their rune ceremony, though all Nephilim grew up hearing stories about this. The bond would drastically increase in power, into uncontrollable power that would consume and eventually kill the parabatai, leaving only destruction in its wake.

Did Valentine think this had something to do with them once having been parabatai? Luke considered that now, or some sort of side effect of having the bond broken? Luke couldn’t say for sure, so he said the first thing he knew for fact. “We aren’t parabatai anymore.” He was surprised how much sadness there was in that statement.

Valentine was silent for a short time, then spoke. “No, we are not. So, this is perfectly alright.” He then stepped forward, wrapping one arm around Luke so that his hand held the small of his back, and with the other hand reached up and threaded his fingers through Luke’s hair, then pulled him forward and kissed him, taking care not to bump his glasses.

Luke tensed. He felt he was trying to play catch up to a situation that he knew he started, but was astonished he had. But, even amidst his confusion, he couldn’t deny how good this felt. Valentine’s holds on him were firm, and he was putting moderate pressure into the kiss. Luke relaxed once again. The contact was deeply soothing. He wrapped one arm around Valentine’s upper back, gripped Valentine’s hip with his other and kissed him back.

Touching Valentine like this, even with how close they had been in the past, was not at all familiar; they way Valentine moved his lips against his; the way his fingers moved across his shirt back and through his hair. Valentine’s scent, the one thing that should have been the same, was different, or rather Luke’s reaction to it was. Valentine wore cologne this evening, but he could still smell Valentine’s own scent underneath, and he found it intensely attractive.

Their kissing was not chaste, but it wasn’t terribly passionate either, just the motion of their lips against each others. Their pace was slow; they were gauging each other. It reminded Luke of when they sparred. Valentine broke away, resting his forehead against Luke’s, then spoke quietly, calmly, “Where do you want to go from here, Lucian?”

Luke took a moment to contemplate, still holding onto Valentine’s hip and side. He felt this could be their only chance for whatever this was that was unfolding, and he longed to continue. Valentine had been bold enough to come here after all these years, following an impulse, and Luke realized he too had been following impulses: the hug, the initial kiss. Valentine’s spontaneity was contagious, apparently. He had been okay so far, and Valentine seemed receptive. This next stop felt like not just going with the current, but falling over the edge. He took it.

He pulled away from Valentine completely and saw Valentine looking at him with questioning eyes. Luke had on a white button down shirt, and he started to undo the buttons, starting from the top and working his way down. Once he finished, he slipped the shirt off his shoulders and placed it over the back of the closest table chair. He had an undershirt on as well and he proceeded to pull that off and place it on top of his button down shirt, leaving him bare chested. He felt oddly chilled, despite the heat. He looked back at Valentine.

Valentine had been quiet during this. He hadn’t made a move towards Luke or to divest himself of his clothing; he was only looking at Luke inscrutably. Luke second guessed himself, maybe this impulse hadn’t been good. Valentine had always been better at this than he was.

Luke continued looking at Valentine, waiting for a reaction. When he didn’t get one, Luke took hold of his undershirt with the intention of putting it back on, but Valentine reached out as he did this and held his arm, and spoke. “If we are to continue, I would prefer to be in your bedroom.”

Luke said what he wanted to say; “Follow me.” He started walking, Valentine following close behind. There was a door in the living room that led to a narrow hallway with three rooms and a bathroom. He used the largest room as an office and storage area. When he made Clary a bedroom, he had given her the room he’d been using, the second largest, and moved into the smallest. Though that was comparative, because all these bedrooms were small. Clary’s larger room was only big enough to hold a twin bed, dresser, nightstand, bookshelf and school desk. He walked to the end of the hall and turned to enter his bedroom.

It contained a double bed pressed up against the wall along with a dresser, a nightstand and an area rug. The walls were the same gray he had painted the shop with. He had used the leftovers. The room felt even smaller with the two of them occupying it.

He turned on a fan on top of the dresser, then went to the nightstand and turned the light on and placed his glasses down upon it. Then, he looked to Valentine, who was crouched down in the process of taking off his shoes.

Valentine normally had cold coloring, his skin was pale white, with no red tone to it, and his hair was a harsh blond, but the light in here softened him, giving him a warmth he didn’t naturally have.

Luke took off his shoes as well. Once he finished he went over to Valentine who had finished and was watching him, and kissed him again, holding Valentine’s face with both hands.

They kissed much as they had in the kitchen, the same pace, the same method, the main difference now was that when Valentine touched him he was touching bare skin. He found it even more soothing than before. He would have been content to kiss like this well into the night, but Valentine shifted his hands from Luke’s back to his sides, then bringing them both forward to the front Luke’s jeans, and started pulling his spare belt out of the belt loops, eventually unbuckling it and letting it fall to the floor.

Having Valentine undo his belt was undeniably intimate, and it became even more so as Valentine then reached for and undid the button of his jeans and pulled down the zipper. His jeans fell to the tops of his thighs, revealing his navy boxer briefs, and Luke started to feel uncomfortable that he was more than half nude while Valentine was fully dressed. Valentine must have known, because pulled away from Luke and started undoing the buttons on his own gray button down shirt.

Luke watched as he did so. His pace was moderate, in no rush but not so slow as to be teasing. Valentine let his shirt drop to the floor, and removed his undershirt as well.

Luke took his attention away from Valentine to remove his jeans and socks. He quickly folded the jeans and placed them, the rest of his clothing and Valentine’s, on top of the dresser. After many experiences of tripping on his clothes in this cramped room, he was in the automatic habit of doing this, though he recognized Valentine might think it an odd thing to do under the circumstances.

Valentine was now undoing his belt. When he had removed that, he took his trousers and socks off, then following Luke’s example put them all on top of the dresser.

Valentine then turned to face Luke, wearing only a pair of black briefs. Luke stepped forward to meet him, and kissed him again. Valentine kissed him in return, but he turned them and started walking forward, pushing at Luke’s legs with his own, and holding him steady as he walked backward. When Luke felt the back of his legs touch the side of his bed, he pulled away from the kiss, held on to Valentine’s forearm, and sat down on the edge of the bed, intending to pull Valentine forward to sit next to him, but Valentine surprised him by crouching down, grabbing both of his legs under the knee with the crook of his arm, and swinging him up and around. Luke landed on his stomach, and he felt the bed depress further as Valentine got on top of him.

This maneuver jarred him, their earlier pace had been so slow; this had been done startling fast. He had made his bed that morning, and he was now lying on top of his summer quilt. He was in the motion of propping himself up on his elbows when he felt Valentine’s lips on his back, on his spine, between his shoulder blades. He responded with a quick inhalation of breath.

Valentine lingered with that kiss, then moved lower down. Luke sunk down into the bed, surprised at how powerfully he felt this, as though his spine was a chime that Valentine struck – there was even an aching where Valentine kissed him – that reverberated out to the rest of his body. Luke was startled enough to cry out when Valentine pressing his teeth in. Valentine shifted in response, moving so that his arms were pressed up along Luke’s sides, then slipping his hands underneath his chest, placing his palms flat against the base of his ribs.

It was incredibly intimate, tooth to bone, but if felt like there was something more than that; he was so deeply moved by this. A thought floated in, that Valentine had his back. This was a drastically different interpretation of that statement, but it had been so shattering that night when they had staked out the werewolf pack, to think Valentine had been watching out for him, to so brutally find out he wasn’t.

Here in the present, Valentine had his back and had him covered as well. He could feel Valentine’s body heat above him, the pressure he was applying to Luke’s sides. He stopped himself from crying out again the next time Valentine pressed his teeth in, though the feeling of sensitivity did not diminish. Valentine stopped when he got to the waistband of Luke’s underwear, and shifted, so his hands were once again flat against the bed.

Luke turned to look at him, Valentine leaned down, and their lips met. As they kissed, Valentine lowered himself until he made contact with Luke’s backside, pressed down, then slowly, powerfully rolled his hips forward. Luke froze. He hadn’t known what they would do once they got to the bedroom; if they would only continue to kiss or if they would go further. He had considered sexual contact, but not intercourse.

He wanted to get a good look at Valentine’s face, to gauge if that was what he was suggesting. Valentine pulled away though he did not abandon his position, and Luke turned to look at him. He was surprised to see Valentine looking slightly flushed. Even when Valentine exerted himself he rarely looked red in the face. Hodge had asked once, astonished after they had sparred, “Why do I look like I’ve been trekking through the desert, while you look like you’ve just taken a leisurely stroll?” he a hearty red, Valentine his usual pale, amusement evident. “You fought well, Hodge,” said Maryse, reassuring him. “Yes, really it is Valentine’s fault. Do you always have to be so perfect?” added Stephen, laughing.

Luke found Valentine’s eyes, returning to the present moment. Valentine’s eyes, always dark, looked even darker, and Luke was astonished to see fire there. It was a look similar to when Valentine was debating something he was passionate about, but it was so much more than that. He had never seen Valentine look like this.

He dropped his gaze back to the bed in front of him before speaking. “Valentine, are you-“

“I want to.” Valentine interrupted, his voice smooth. Luke felt his stomach drop away. Luke kept his gaze on the bed. The thought of doing this with Valentine terrified him, but there was another part of himself, the frustration that had made itself known tonight; Valentine leaving then was not enough time, the embrace was not enough. It had lingered after one, two, five, ten kisses, after they had taken their clothes off. With this offer, the frustration subsided. It would be enough.

He looked back at Valentine, who was silently waiting for his answer. He could feel his face heat up, yet mouthed to him, “Okay.” Valentine nodded, putting his weight back on his knees. He reached over to the drawer of Luke’s nightstand, looking through briefly, then closed it.

“What can we use as lubricant?” Valentine asked, slightly frustrated. Luke covered up his embarrassment by quickly turning over onto his back, and sitting up. Valentine moved backward to allow him to do so.

“I have some balm in the bathroom, that should be fine.” he said quietly, as he got up. He walked fast, noticing how nervous he was. He left the bedroom, entered the bathroom, found what he was looking for. When he got back to the bedroom, Valentine was standing by the bed, looking around the room. He gave Luke a long, appraising look, then asked “How long has it been since you last shared your bed?” Luke was taken aback by his intensity.

He hesitated, though he decided to answer, not because he thought Valentine had a right to know, but – now he realized this had been compelling him all night – he was tired of telling lies and half truths. He’d done this ever since leaving Idris. It was a relief to tell the truth, even for one night. First, he walked to the bedside table and placed the balm down.

“Years.”

Valentine’s expression did not change, but he asked another question, with the same intensity. “How many?”

Luke counted back. “Eight.”

“Why?”

This was a somewhat difficult question to answer. His romantic relationships had been few and far between. “My status is difficult. If I’m with a mundane woman I have to lie about my whole past, and we could never live together. I could not hide my changes. Downworlder women don’t trust me – even werewolf women – because I was once Nephilim. I’ve cut myself off from the Shadow World at Jocelyn’s request for the last ten years, but I doubt Shadowhunter women would trust me. You know the reaction turned Shadowhunters receive in Idris.

“Once I got more involved with Jocelyn and Clary, I stopped looking for that as much. I was content with them, but it did complicate things romantically. The last woman I was with assumed I was in love with Jocelyn. It would have been easier if I could say Clary was my child. She could understand my involvement. She wanted to be more serious, and I couldn’t explain myself. It wasn’t fair to her, and for me it started to feel hollow.”

Valentine paused for a moment, apparently satisfied. “Only with women?” Valentine asked, losing some of his previous intensity.

“Yes.” said Luke, simply, then he quickly stepped forward, placing one hand on the back of Valentine’s head, and the other on Valentine’s cheek and kissed him. He did not want to think about who Valentine had been with, or how he would inevitably compare. To his surprise, Valentine kissed him back only briefly before pulling away. Luke gave him a questioning look.

“Tell me what you were thinking just then.” said Valentine softly.

“It’s not important.” replied Luke.

“Tell me.” repeated Valentine, this time with more insistence.

“That you have been with men before.”

“You are correct. You know I have always liked an adventure, but what else were you thinking? I know there was something else.” Valentine said, studying Luke as he did so.

He didn’t think there was a way to say this without spoiling the mood, but there was also that frustration of continually keeping his silence. He settled for saying,“I assume you have no lack of offers.”

Valentine frowned slightly, then stepped forward, leaned in and kissed him, softly at first, then with increasing vigor. Valentine would pull away from each kiss only enough to speak a sentence, then engage in another.

“You dismiss yourself so easily – That you are magnanimous enough to invite me into your home, into your bed, with our said history – Seeing you so beautifully flushed, the brightness of your eyes against the white of the bedsheets – You amaze me, Lucian.”

Luke had never been as eloquent as Valentine, but he tried to convey his feelings back through the kissing and his holds on Valentine how much this meant to him; Valentine saying these things; touching him like this, that he was here at all. He conveyed more by placing both his hands on Valentine’s waist while still maintaining the kissing, sliding them down until he felt the waistband of Valentine’s underwear. He gripped the fabric and started tugging it down, past Valentine’s hip bones, then lower, as much as he could while still standing.

Valentine pulled away with a smirk on his face. He divested himself completely, while Luke did the same. When they were both done they took a moment to look at each other. This was not the first time they had been disrobed together, but Luke hadn’t ever looked at Valentine nude with this lens. He felt self conscious knowing Valentine was reevaluating him as well.

Luke turned, flipping the quilt and top sheet down to the foot of the bed, his heart rate picking up, then he sat down, positioning himself with his back to the headboard. He reached out his arm to Valentine, who sat down on the edge of the bed, kissed Luke briefly, then pulled away and reached for the balm. Valentine looked back to him “As you were?”

Luke maneuvered himself so that he was once again lying on his stomach, grabbing a pillow to rest his head on. Valentine opened the tin and applied some to himself. Luke willed himself to ease his muscles during the preparation. Valentine eventually withdrew his fingers and the bed dipped down as Valentine straddled him, aligning their hips, his hands placed just below Luke’s shoulders.

“Lucian.” Valentine was remarkably calm given their present circumstances, but Luke detected a slight hesitation now.

“Go ahead.” He wasn’t able to match Valentine’s calm, but he was sure about this, though he still struggled with the sensation. He knew Valentine was waiting for him to adjust.

“I’m okay. Keep going.” Luke said quietly.

“Relax your legs, you are still pushing up with them.”

He was again reminded of their sparring sessions, when Valentine would coach him where to step, how to move. He started to speak, “I…” in a strained whisper, only to trail off, unsure what to do. His first instinct was to tense, and he was having trouble overriding it. He then felt Valentine kiss the back of his neck, and the unexpectedly tender act put him at ease. Valentine noticed and started to move. The feeling was all-consuming, though he never increased his pace. This was not exactly pleasurable but it did fulfill the longing Luke felt all evening, the longing to be close. That, the sheer intensity of this, and being able to so intimately feel Valentine’s arousal spurred his own. Valentine finished, and he followed.

Valentine waited only a few moments before withdrawing, then laid down next to him, breathing heavily, as he himself was. He continued laying on his stomach, his face pressed into the crook of his elbow.

“Let me see you.” said Valentine softly, after he had caught his breath.

Now that the adrenaline was fading, he felt shaky. He eventually pushed himself up, sitting on his knees.

Valentine sat as well. He then reached over and touched Luke’s cheek. This touch and the look on Valentine’s face were the most gentle he had been all night, and Luke, with sudden horror, felt his eyes flood and his body start to move in a silent sob. He was dumbfounded, but consumed with sorrow over his past: Valentine, Jocelyn and Clary, Amatis, his parents, being turned, leaving Idris, all things he thought he had dealt with. He bit his lip to try to calm himself, then looked to Valentine. To his surprise, Valentine’s eyes had also welled up. “It was intense for me as well.” he said.

At this, Luke’s voice returned, but it was wretched. He knew it was coming from him, but he didn’t recognize it, and the force of it made him hunch over. Valentine was still holding his cheek, and he reached up and covered his hand with his own. He tried again to calm himself but was unable, so he gave in, riding out the sobs.

It left him exhausted; the spasms of his diaphragm, the strain on his throat. When the worst of it passed he laid down on his side, letting go of Valentine’s hand in the process. This was not a cry that left him feeling lighter, but a sucker punch. Valentine reached down to the foot of the bed, pulled the covers up over him, and then got up and left the room.

Luke heard the water running in the bathroom, and then Valentine returned with a bowl of water and a wash cloth, which he placed on the nightstand. “Wash up with these. I am going to go wash up myself. Call if you need me.”

Valentine took his clothes, and Luke could once again hear water running in the bathroom. “Call if you need me.” triggered another round of tears, which he again rode out.

When he felt able, he rose, pulling the covers away from himself and wiping himself off as best he could sitting, then standing up to do the rest. Afterwards, he pulled on his jeans, a t-shirt, and sat back down on the bed.

When Valentine returned, he was fully dressed, and brought two glasses of water, handing one to Luke, then joined him sitting on the bed. They sat in silence, sipping on the water, until Valentine spoke. “Lucian, please do not misunderstand, but I feel it would be best for me to leave now. I feel I would be intruding upon you to stay any longer.”

Luke didn’t have much reaction to this, but at the moment he felt so drained it was hard to feel anything. “I’ll walk you out.”

He detected a slight hesitation on Valentine’s part at this offer, a look of concern, but it passed quickly. He had not looked at himself yet, but if Valentine thought, even for a split second that he did not appear well enough to walk the dozen steps to the door he was not looking forward to seeing himself. Valentine looked perfectly presentable, much as he did when he first arrived this evening.

Luke stood and held out his hand for Valentine to give him his now empty water glass. Valentine did so as he too stood up, and they walked back to the kitchen, to the side door. Valentine was seemingly at a loss for words, unusual for him.

“It’s fine. I’m going to sleep right after this.” Luke paused for a moment, before adding, “I will see you again?” It had just occurred to him that this could be their final meeting.

“I can be here tomorrow evening at nine.”

“I’ll be here.” Luke said, with more fatigue in his voice than he intended, but he was relieved.

Valentine smiled. “Goodnight, then. Rest well.”

“Goodnight, Valentine.”

Luke locked up after he left. He turned off the lights as he went back to his room. He dumped out the water from the wash bowl in the bathroom and took a look at himself in the mirror. He did look pale, and his eyes were red with dark underneath them. He finished up in the bathroom, then went to his room, took off his jeans, and laid down. He fell asleep quickly.


	8. Chapter 8

Luke was sitting his backyard the following morning. Today was his day off. He had hoped he would feel better after he slept, but he still felt drained, and when he looked in the mirror that morning he looked more haggard than usual.

It had already been an eventful morning. When he woke up, the werewolf’s nose was making itself known; Valentine’s scent permeated his room. This was confusing not only because he was not used to anyone’s scent in his bedroom, but he normally had to do a partial change to use the wolf’s scenting ability, and he had not done so. Almost as soon as he noticed this, he lost the wolf’s intensity of scent and returned to his own.

He was still disquieted by that when he went outside, then the raven appeared with a message from Valentine. He wrote he would not be coming to see Luke that evening, and he did not know when he would again. He was leaving the city. “By the time you receive this, I will have already left.” He continued that something urgent had come up with Jonathan. In conclusion, he wrote he would contact Luke when the situation resolved. The raven had not waited for a response; only allowing him to retrieve the note before flying away.

Luke felt numb. Thinking of what happened in the bright light of day. What would he tell Jocelyn? And Valentine leaving suddenly. Probably only hours after he had left Luke’s. Simon too, would be wanting some update, and he had nothing to offer him. To top it off, the full moon was coming in a few days. Luke took a breath. For now, there was nothing he could do.

He went out, walked around, and that did help. He would have gone upstate to his farmhouse, but he thought that would scare Simon. He had already replied to a text Simon sent today, asking for news. He told them he had not heard anything, but again, not to worry.

In the early evening, he was surprised to hear his doorbell ring. He didn’t get many visitors. When he opened the door, he saw a man he had never spoken with, but who’s reputation preceded him: Magnus Bane. Jocelyn had told him of Magnus’s cat eyes, and he had seen Magnus at the signing of the Accords, when he had gone as the representative for the Brocelind Forest pack.

“Hello, hello. Forgive me, I did not have time to properly attire myself today, but I do have news for you. Oh, allow me to introduce myself. I am Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn. And I know you are Luke Garroway. May I come in?”

Magnus was wearing a vibrant floral pattern dressing gown of turquoise, golds, and deep violet over a sleeveless black tank top, white jeans rolled up at the ankles, sandals and assorted rings and bracelets.

Everything in this outfit looked more expensive and put together than any of Luke’s sartorial choices, but Magnus’s style and parties were legendary. If Magnus said he was not satisfied with his appearance, Luke would not argue with him.

“Yes, come in.” Luke opened the door fully, Magnus stepped inside, and he once again led a guest to his kitchen table.

“Thank you. So let’s get down to business, shall we?” Magnus said with a flourish of his hand. “Jocelyn contacted me and told me, to my great surprise, I might add, that you saw Valentine Morgenstern. Is this true?” The interest on Magnus’ face was obvious.

“Yes, it’s true. I’ve seen him three times.” This felt like a dream.

“Really? Well, Jocelyn and Clarissa are safe. She asked me to let you know, to find out how you were, what did Valentine say, that sort of thing.” Magnus said, in the melodic way he’d been speaking this whole meeting.

“Forgive me, but why are you helping Jocelyn like this? Is she paying you? Are you going to want something from me? I doubt I would be able to pay your asking price.”

“A fair question. No, I will not be asking of you any tender or services for my time here. This benefits both of us, and I must say, after seeing Jocelyn and Clarissa over the years, I have grown fond of her and her little biscuit. I am also grateful to her for her warning about her husband and that awful Accords signing. Many of those dear to me were saved. So, what did Valentine want?“

“He didn’t want anything in particular. He wanted to talk.”

“This world is full of surprises! What else did he say? Jocelyn was most concerned about Jonathan’s fate. Is he alive?”

“Valentine says he is. I didn’t see Jonathan myself.”

“Oh dear, that changes things doesn’t it.” Magnus’ expression falling. “And Clarissa, he knows?”

“He knows.”

“Is Valentine still here?”

“He’s left the area, as far as I know.”

“So that’s it then?” Magnus asked, incredulously. “He wasn’t here to try to win Jocelyn back, steal the Cup, murder all Downworlders?”

“He said he wasn’t.”

“So what did you two talk about? Your past?”

“He apologized to me. Said he hadn’t done right by Jocelyn.”

“Will wonders never cease! So you kissed and made up?”

“No, we made up, then we kissed.“

At this, Magnus looked truly surprised, not the feigned surprise he had been showing up until this point, and Luke felt a tendril of dread in his gut. He knew he would never have said that under normal conditions, and now he realized these weren’t normal conditions. He felt he was in a lull he couldn’t get out of. The directness of Magnus’ questions, his answers without resistance. Even now he felt like he couldn’t stop himself from speaking.

“You’ve spelled me?” Luke asked, disbelief in his voice. “Did Jocelyn ask you to do this? She doesn’t trust me, even after all this time? What more could I have done? But she was right, wasn’t she. I didn’t have to have sex with him.”

Magnus’ eyes went wide. The tendril of dread in Luke’s gut blossomed. He looked down at the table, covering his face with one hand. He had not been ready to say that aloud. Magnus would tell Jocelyn. He wouldn’t have a chance to explain himself. Not that he could. It had felt right at the time, but seeing the shock on Magnus’ face, along with his imagination, he could see how this could look from the outside. It did not reflect well on him. Either he was foolish or pathetic.

“Nothing to say, Magnus Bane?” Luke broke the silence, speaking slowly. Not because he wanted to drag this out, but because of his own shock this was happening. “I’m sure this must be very entertaining for you.”

Magnus took on a serious expression. “Yes, I’ve used a spell on you. It’s not an absolute truth spell, but when you are asked a question it compels you to answer. Even your own questions you will answer, as you just witnessed. My hope was you would never know I had used it.

“I am the High Warlock of Brooklyn. I look after those under my protection, and I need to know if Valentine Morgenstern is a threat. This was my idea, not Jocelyn’s. She does not know I’ve used this spell.

“This was always going to be an intrusion upon you, but I was not expecting to intrude this much. I will keep my questions specific now. Do you believe Valentine Morgenstern is in any was plotting harm to Downworlders?

“No.”

“Do you believe he will attempt another overthrow of the Clave?”

“No.”

"Do believe it is safe for Jocelyn and Clarissa to return?”

“Yes.”

Magnus paused, taking this in. “Alright.” he said calmly, “Here’s what I’m going to do. I will report this back to Jocelyn, and let her decide what she wants to do. I will spell Clarissa’s friend Simon to believe Valentine was caught by the police. Anyone he told will believe the same. They will believe Jonathan is missing for now. I will have him contact you saying he heard about it, so you will know it’s done. If Jocelyn stays away, I will spell him further that they are on a vacation.

“I will not say anything to Jocelyn about that most personal business between you and Valentine, and I will not tell anyone else. For whatever it is worth, I do not see this as ‘entertainment’ and I apologize for intruding upon your privacy in a way beyond what I had already planned on doing. Magnus stood and Luke stood as well. They walked to the side door. “The spell on you will wear off within a half hour. Now I bid you farewell.”

Luke opened the door for Magnus, who stepped out with a swish of his robe. Luke respected where Magnus was coming from. He too had been a group leader, however unintentionally he rose to that position, but he could not think of anything to say to Magnus after that.

Luke sat back down. That was disastrous, but at least he knew Jocelyn and Clary were safe, and it was a relief to know he wouldn’t have to keep stalling Simon.

* * *

Magnus was true to his word. Luke got a call from Simon that evening, and it was a joy to hear his relief that Valentine had been caught, and how he wanted to get a cake for the Fray’s when they got back.

He also got a message from Jocelyn, left in his mailbox saying she was going to stay away for a little while longer, but planned on coming back within a couple weeks time. “I am anxious to hear more about Jonathan.”

The pregnancy and Jonathan’s early months had been hellish for Jocelyn. He didn’t know how she would respond to what he said, but he would tell her what he knew. He would have said more to Magnus to pass on to her, if things hadn’t taken the turn they had.

He sighed. Magnus had kept his word about Simon, and Luke hoped Magnus would keep his silence about him and Valentine as well, because the thought of Jocelyn knowing filled him with fear. Had he potentially thrown away his friendship with Jocelyn for one night?

He hadn’t thought of it that way at the time. It felt like his and Valentine’s time together before Valentine and Jocelyn were involved with each other. When Luke’s actions with one of them weren’t so linked to his actions with the other. He only briefly let himself think if Clary were to find out. It was so much more complicated than he ever intended. Not wanting to think about it anymore, he read. Then, he headed for sleep, and hopefully a short respite from all this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sensitive, but not explicit, subject matter.

The next few days passed relatively normally. Simon stopped in to rehash Valentine’s dramatic capture, with Luke following along as best he could, but tonight was the first of the full moon. He went to his cell earlier than normal to wait. He did not want to be caught off guard again.

The first hours of the change went smoothly, but after that he couldn’t keep the wolf calm. It struggled, and to Luke’s astonishment, he felt himself begin to black out. When he woke he was human again, but weakened.

The next day was worse. He maintained consciousness for ten minutes before the wolf’s fury emerged,and he again passed out, once again waking up human. He was late opening the shop by hours. Some of his regulars joked with him, saying they were glad for him, he must have had a good time last night. He smiled and laughed along with them.

The third night was terrible. He lost himself the moment the change started to when he rose off the floor the next day, again hours after he should have opened the shop. He felt too ill to sit at the front desk. He put up a sign saying closed for the day, and laid down for most of the afternoon.

Then to his horror, he felt himself start to change again that evening. The full moon’s always lasted three days. Never four. He used every ounce of will power he had to return to his cell, where he once again was forced to black.

He kept the shop closed the next day. He needed to think. He had heard of this happening, werewolves not being able to control their changes. It was rare, but not unheard of, at least amongst werewolves. When wolves were in a pack, there was an unspoken rule that if this happened, that member would be taken out for the sake of the pack. No one wanted to risk a rogue wolf bringing Shadowhunters around.

He was himself now, but he could feel something had shifted. The werewolf’s heightened senses kept popping in and out without warning and without transformation. He didn’t change that fifth night, but he knew this was dangerous. No werewolf he had spoken with knew of a sure way to reverse this; it was rare and most packs didn’t want to risk it. As for lone wolves, no one knew their fate.

As Luke saw it, he had a choice. He didn’t like it, but he knew his answer. He did not want to permanently transform, only to hurt someone and eventually be killed by a Shadowhunter.

He felt clear, quiet, after deciding. He wrote two letters. One to Jocelyn and one to Clary, and he went to their apartment. Miss Dorothea, their downstairs neighbor, came out and spoke with him. She knew Jocelyn had left. Luke assured her she would be back soon. Normally, Dorothea was asking him to fix this or that around the brownstone, but today she refrained. She seemed to be studying him closely. “Are you alright? You look pale.” He said that he was fine, and left after leaving the letters.

He texted Simon, saying he was going out of town for a few days to the farmhouse. Then he got his truck, packed a few possessions into a duffel bag and drove out of the city, heading north. He spent time in New Hampshire before he followed the whim of Jocelyn possibly being in New York, with the Lightwoods and Hodge, and that’s where he headed now.

He drove through the night, pulling over at a rest stop for a few hours sleep. He walked into a rural bar the next afternoon and gave away his truck to a woman who looked like she could use it. He took out his possessions, shook hands with one very happy woman, then started walking into the woods.

He thought he would know when he wanted to stop walking, and he did. He was remote now. He laid down the bundle he’d been carrying. There was water and a little food, some herbs, and the Morgenstern blade. He had brought his crossbow, he’d been walking with it across his back. Even though he left many aspects of Shadowhunter culture behind, he liked his crossbow, and he felt more comfortable with it on him now.

He sat down, took a few deep breaths. He didn’t want to drag this out any more than he already had. He took the last of the herbs, which he had been taking this whole trip here, washed them down with some water. He had been quite calm, or numb before this, but now feelings were breaking through. Suddenly, he was so angry that it had come to this. He thought he could get away from this fate, but here he was out in the woods with the Morgenstern blade because he was a monster.

He picked up the blade, closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, he saw Magnus Bane covered in glitter wearing what appeared to be a dress shirt and dinner jacket with only underwear on underneath.

“I fully acknowledge I am the last person you want to see right now, but I’m glad I found you. Please put that knife down. We can talk about this.” Magnus said firmly.

Luke resolved himself. Now or never. “I’m doing this because I can’t control my transformations anymore, and I would strongly suggest you back away from me, because the wolf is fighting me now.” Luke said as steadily as he could, then swung the knife, making a deep cut on his inner thigh.

Things got strange after that. He heard Magnus’ furious “Damn it.” He felt his leg bleeding out, the wolf rising – it wanted to live. He fought back, he felt he still could. Whatever balance they had with each other the wolf hadn’t taken over yet. From the few stories he’d heard, the transformations would happen more and more unexpectedly until the person wouldn’t change back to human. He wanted to act while he still had time.

He heard Magnus speak again, but couldn’t make it out. He sounded far away. He prayed Magnus did not save him, because he knew he would not have the courage to do this a second time. Luke wasn’t sure what had won, the knife or the wolf, when he mercifully passed out.


	10. Chapter 10

Magnus Bane had a party planned for tonight. He had not been expecting to see Luke Garroway the afternoon a few days prior until Jocelyn Fray contacted him, and he certainly had not been expecting to hear of Luke Garroway’s romantic endeavors with the one Valentine Morgenstern. And while Magnus was not above enjoying some gossip now and then, he knew enough of about the personal histories of these three to know this was a tangled web indeed. He was sympathetic.

That parabatai rune. The Nephilim glorified it, but Magnus was wary of it; it seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. Pick someone before you both turn twenty to whom you want to bind yourself using old magic, in exchange for great power. But don’t you dare fall in love with them, or have sex with them. Which one was it even, that was the problem?

The time limit, the youth, the prestige. A dangerous brew. Add to that when you tell people not to do something, they are going to think about it, even if they wouldn’t have had you not said anything.

He didn’t think Luke would have found this comforting, but he’d heard many instances of parabatai becoming lovers. Those tragic tales they told young Shadowhunters as bedside stories were the most dramatic, but Magnus knew of others. He’d also heard stories of parabatai who after their bond broke became lovers. Luke and Valentine were not even the first former parabatai he’d heard of who had fallen into bed together after one was turned into a Child of the Moon.

Everyone seemed to agree this Valentine Morgenstern was quite something. Jocelyn had confided to him during Clarissa’s sessions about him, their courtship, how she was so enamored of him, then how it went so wrong. Magnus hadn’t had a chance to evaluate for himself if he agreed. He had not seen Valentine at the Uprising battle, but he found his plan very unattractive. He had to admit though, his curiosity was piqued.

But, he had settled his most important need, and apparently Valentine did not mean to stir up trouble. Astounding. He actually found the fact that Luke had agreed to have sex with him further proof of Valentine’s changed ways. That must have been some apology.

Magnus would keep an eye out, but he continued about his business, in this case planning for his upcoming party. When it was finally the day of he threw himself full force into preparations. The party opened exceptionally well; there was only one scuffle between the vampires and werewolves, something about their bikes. Magnus tuned it out when he realized it was over nothing serious, at least not serious to him.

He was sitting enjoying himself and his hard work when Dorothea grabbed his shoulder saying she needed to talk. It was urgent. Sometimes when people claimed their business was ‘urgent’ it was something like they had partly transfigured themselves and couldn’t figure out how to change themselves back. Troublesome and humbling, but not what Magnus classified of as urgent. He had never had that trouble with Dorothea, and he wondered what could be the problem.

“I’ll cut to the chase. There’s something not right with Luke Garroway – Jocelyn’s whatever they are to each other. I saw him come in our building yesterday and I had a bad feeling about him. I pulled cards. I got that he was struggling bad with something.

“I took the liberty of going into Jocelyn’s apartment to see what he’d done in there. He left two notes. I opened them. The one to Clarissa is weird, probably because she doesn’t know about our world, but the one to Jocelyn is clearly a suicide note.

“I went over to his book store. There’s no one there. His truck is gone. Can’t ask Jocelyn. I’ve got the letter here, read it for yourself.”

Magnus took the note. He agreed with Dorothea.

“Well, Dorothea, this does spoil my party.”

“Well, get on it, Mr. High Warlock. If this man dies, Jocelyn and I will have no one to do our house repairs.”

* * *

Magnus was able to track Luke Garroway, and had now just watched him inflict upon himself a mortal injury. He tried to approach, but the wolf was taking over more and more of Luke’s body. He didn’t know what herb Luke took, but he guessed it was something to counteract the wolf’s healing ability. The strain of the transformation might kill him at this point, but he would surely die if he bled out. Magnus threw some stunning powder he had brought with him. It acted quickly, but it would not last long. He was able to close the wound with a salve he brought.

As he was monitoring the process of that, the werewolf transformation completed itself. When Magnus thought the salve had done all it could, he bound the wound and picked up the now inert werewolf, carrying him over his shoulder. Luke’s pulse was weak but present. The wolf felt chill to the touch. Magnus created a portal and stepped through, bringing him back to New York to a warehouse he owned.

He was an authority in New York, and he had some holding cells. They did not have bars or doors. Most of the beings he would need to detain could easily break through those. He only used silver, iron, or holy water as a last resort. Besides, if he was going to acquire that much silver, he thought it an absolute waste to use it on cell bars. He used magic to secure them instead, and that’s what would be done for Luke.

Dorothea was here waiting. She had set up warding around the cell this time. She did have a silver chain, because they weren’t sure what to expect when Magnus found Luke. Fortunately – or unfortunately, since he was grievously injured – they would not need to use it.

Luke – Luke as a werewolf – was still stunned, but Magnus thought he was unconscious as well. Magnus laid him down on a cot and left the cell. He and Dorothea stood silently outside looking in.

“You did well today, Dorothea.” said Magnus, fatigue in his voice. He was not unaffected by what he had just witnessed.

“Thank you for doing this, Magnus.” said Dorothea earnestly. He rarely heard Dorothea earnest.

“Don’t thank me yet. I do believe we are in for a bumpy ride.” Magnus quipped.

“At least there is a ride.” Dorothea quipped right back.


	11. Chapter 11

Three days passed and Luke not once reverted to his human body. He came in and out of consciousness, mostly staying out. Magnus and Dorothea both knew this was not a good omen.

Magnus checked the wound. It was a nasty one, but it was healing. He had recovered Luke’s personal affects, the few that he had with him. He found what appeared to be a container of some type of medicine. He’d been suspecting Luke had taken something, after he was so slow to recover from this wound. There were a few herbs that weakened werewolves, and when he checked it out he found he was correct. The fact that the wolf emerged at all, much less a complete takeover – Magnus could see why Luke had been so concerned.

As much as he liked to be optimistic, it felt wrong for Luke to be here in such dire straits without anyone who truly cared for him. He had no way to get in contact with Jocelyn. The system she and he set up only worked if she sent him a message first, and she had not sent one. He and Dorothea were doing what they could but he had first spoken with Luke a little over a week ago, and as Dorothea said, she knew him mainly as her free handyman.

Jocelyn had told him Luke had a sister who lived in Idris. He understood that they were estranged even before Jocelyn forbade Luke from having contact with the Shadow World, but this situation was out of his hands. He had lived a long time and seen extraordinary magic users, but even so, he found time after time love to be a greater power, and he hoped the love the siblings had for each other could pull Luke through.

Ragnor Fell owed him a favor, and he sent him a message asking him to convey a message to Amatis Herondale. Ragnor sent a response two days later saying that Amatis agreed to come. They set a time a few hours from then for her to take care of her business and pack. Then, right on time – Ragnor was always prompt, that was not one of Magnus’ strong suits – Magnus was greeting Amatis herself. There was a definite family resemblance; their coloring, the light blue eyes.

“Welcome to New York. Thank you for coming.” Magnus said solemnly.

“Where is he?” said Amatis fiercely. This was woman on a mission. That was fine by Magnus.

“Right this way.”

They walked in silence. There was no one else in the cells and Dorothea had gone home. When they reached the area in front of his cell, he could see that Luke was unconscious. Magnus heart twinged when he heard Amatis’ mournful voice and saw her sink to her knees.

“Oh, darling. What has happened to you?”

Magnus hadn’t been sure what to expect when Amatis saw Luke. A werewolf was a truly fearsome beast. Many were on edge in their presence. Even in his current state, Luke was no exception. He transformed into a slim but long legged werewolf with dark grey fur and golden eyes.

Magnus stayed quiet for a few moments, giving her a moment to gather herself. He mused how once again, for having just met the man, he was privy and witness to such deeply personal moments of his, until Amatis spoke again. “I have some questions I need answered. Ragnor Fell didn’t tell me much. Only that Lucian was having trouble with his transformations, that he had been gravely injured, and that he was stuck as a werewolf. Will you tell me what you know?”

Magnus had been contemplating how much to tell her. He knew Jocelyn didn’t want her location known to Shadowhunters. He wouldn’t have called Amatis if Jocelyn were here, but that’s how the dice had fallen.

“I can tell you some. It came to my attention that Luke – Lucian, rather – was having trouble with his werewolf transformations. They were starting to happen without his control. It also came to my attention he planned to kill himself. I was able to save his life, but the wound is self inflicted. It has now been five days since he was in his human body.”

“I’ve heard the transformations can be difficult to control, but I’ve never heard of a werewolf getting stuck.”

Magnus had heard of this, but he was centuries old. It was not a fact werewolves wanted known, especially to Shadowhunters. They mostly dealt with it themselves the rare times it did occur, or they were killed in combat.

“I don’t know why this is happening, but I know of no spell to reverse this.”

“Alright. Thank you. If you don’t mind, I’d like to be sit here alone with him.”

“I must ask one thing first. You shunned your brother when he was turned. Do you have any intention of killing him now?”

Amatis answered calmly, though sadness was just below the surface. “No. I couldn’t do it then, and I won’t now. This is not how I would have liked to see Lucian again, but this is my chance. I’ll sit here with him until he turns back, as long as it takes.

His risk in contacting Amatis seemed in actuality to be no risk at all, and he smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. Please, make yourself comfortable.”


	12. Chapter 12

Amatis did sit with Luke, for hours at a time. Magnus enjoyed her company, after they had warmed up to each other.

“So, it’s been fifteen years since you last saw your brother?” asked Magnus conversationally.

“Yes, before I had these gray hairs. Maybe that’s the problem; he doesn’t recognize me. Or maybe it’s the fact that I abandoned him in his hour of need.”

“If I may be so bold – What changed for you? You wouldn’t see him then, but here you are now. You are even dining with a warlock.”

“It wasn’t one big thing per se: more a series of things. Take warlocks: Why was it that we Nephilim looked down on them while at the same time taking advantage of their magic? Hearing stories from friends who’d been at foreign postings and their dealings with Downworlders. From what they told me, Downworlders didn’t seem any more or less evil than people, though the biggest reason had to be James Charles.

“I was married – Can you believe it? - to a man named Stephen. Valentine advised Stephen to leave me after Lucian had sullied our family name. Stephen married another woman, a younger woman. Boy, was I furious, but on the outside, I acted like I understood.

“Stephen died in the Uprising, and his new wife was widowed eight months into her pregnancy. She became terribly depressed, even threatening to kill herself. I don’t know where I got the nerve but I went over there and asked to speak to her, and let me tell you, I let her have it. I don’t even know what I was expecting to accomplish, but to my surprise she thanked me. She told me she needed to hear that.

“We became friends, good friends. James Charles is her son, and my godson. He goes by Jace now. Jace would ask me about his dad and I would tell him stories, but things kept nagging at me. The Circle was and still is a shame filled topic to Shadowhunters, almost taboo, yet the idea of Downworlders' inferiority hasn’t changed. What could I tell Jace? ‘Valentine and the Circle took it too far, but we all still agree with him.’? What kind of message was that? And to continue that hate, the hate that in the end took Jace’s father from him? Why?

“And then, of course I thought of Lucian. I never really stopped thinking of Lucian. Things Jace did reminded me of things Lucian did when he was little, but by the time I got my head screwed on straight, he was gone.

“But, now we’re together, and I’ll keep talking to him.” Amatis concluded, her voice full of determination. It was hard to imagine, after hearing and observing Amatis that she did what she said she had done – turning Luke away after he had been bitten, but it gave Magnus hope, to know she had been able to change.

* * *

He was sitting with Amatis again the next day having tea. It was hard to say if Luke had any awareness or not. The wolf was still badly injured, making slow progress. Amatis had asked him earlier how he knew Luke. That was difficult to answer given the awkward circumstances he had met Luke while also hiding Jocelyn’s whereabouts. Magnus said only that he had heard of Luke’s condition through someone, who while not close to Luke, wished to remain anonymous. He also told Amatis that Luke did not want his whereabouts known, so she was staying with him, and not at the New York Institute.

“I understand you don’t know Lucian well, but isn’t there anyone we can call? Anyone who knows him here who could come to talk to him?”

Magnus had been thinking this as well. He felt time was of the essence. There was one person on his mind: the young man, Simon. He’d been thinking of Simon because he realized he had another problem. He had spelled Simon as to why Clary and Jocelyn were gone, but once he realized Luke was out of commission, he spelled Simon about him as well, saying Luke was staying at his farmhouse for awhile, but this couldn’t go on forever. He would need to either spell the boy again or tell him the truth. Was this matter urgent enough that it was worth illuminating the Shadow World to a Mundane?

He and Amatis were torn. What decided it for Magnus was something Jocelyn had said to him about how they – she and Luke – were taking Clary and Simon camping. Jocelyn said she knew Clary thought of Luke as a father figure, but hadn’t realized Simon might feel the same way until just then.

Given the choice between being able to help someone you care for - even if it might not work - versus not trying at all, Magnus knew he would want the chance. Amatis agreed.

He told her this was a boy who often frequented Luke’s bookshop. That was another issue to deal with: Luke’s business had been closed this whole time, but Jocelyn had told him they had spent summers away in the past, so he wasn’t as concerned about that.

First things first. Magnus would make first contact with Simon, telling him to hide Jocelyn and Clary’s identity before bringing him back to the warehouse to see Luke and meet Amatis. Magnus chuckled to himself. Simon was in for the ride of his life, and he didn’t even know it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a spoiler for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in this chapter.

“Whoa, hold up, Magnus. Slow down. Your legs are a lot longer than mine!” called Simon, slightly out of breath.

Magnus approached Simon at a cafe. They talked about music, then Magnus went into the whole spiel. All the stories are true, showed him some small magic. Fire in the hand, always a stunner. Explained why Jocelyn had run away, that Clarissa didn’t know any of this.

“So, this is my Harry Potter moment. I’m Harry, you’re my Hagrid, and Luke is Professor Lupin. Got it. Whoa! I wish I could share this with Clary!” said Simon, a broad grin on his face.

“But, Luke’s going to be okay, right?” Simon asked, after he explained Luke’s situation, leaving out the suicide attempt.

“I hope so.”

“Now this doesn’t seem nearly as fun. Oh crap. Okay, lead the way. If you need someone to talk, no one can talk more than me when I’m nervous, and I’m gonna be nervous, because I’m gonna be talking to a frickin’ werewolf. It’s Luke, but it’s a frickin’ werewolf.”

Magnus brought Simon into warehouse. They stopped at a closed door. “Here we are, Simon. Luke is in the room behind this door. Try to connect with him. Give it your best shot.”

“I’m not great at sports, so sports metaphors don’t really do it for me.”

“Break a leg?”

“Ha, ha.”

Magnus opened the door and walked to the front of Luke’s cell, with Simon trailing a few steps behind. The lights were dim, but not enough to hide the fact that a werewolf was resting behind the warding.

“Oh, Jesus, that is terrifying. Okay, deep breaths. Don’t make a joke about a Jew saying ‘Oh Jesus,’ I know you were thinking it, Magnus.”

Simon turned his attention to Luke. “Hey, Luke, it’s me, Simon! Your friendly, normal, neighborhood Simon. So, you’re stuck as a werewolf? That’s a bummer… Geez, great start, me.” Simon scratched his head nervously.

“So, what’s that like?” he continued. “Can you hear me? Could you do something, like bark two times? Oh, wait, is that demeaning?” he asked, embarrassed. “How about stomp your foot, your paw, your paw-foot.” Simon groaned. “I’m dying out here, Magnus!”

“What would you talk to him about, if he weren’t in wolf form? Just let him hear the sound of your voice. Let him know you’re here.” Magnus responded, reassuringly.

Simon took a breath. “Okay, I can do that.”

* * *

The kid wasn’t lying. He could talk up a storm, and sometimes it did seem like Luke was present. Amatis had been saying she thought so, though she hadn’t been able to get a clear signal. The wolf seemed focused on her, once it started spending more time conscious, and the wolf seemed focused on Simon as well.

“Thank you, Simon. Head on home for tonight. It’s late.” said Magnus.

“Now that I’m here, I don’t want to leave. I felt like I was this close-” said Simon, his palms a hairsbreadth apart, “-to getting a sign. Is that just wishful thinking?”

“Come on back tomorrow, if you’d like.” replied Magnus, feeling proud of Simon, even though they had just met.

“You bet I will.” said Simon, with spirit.

* * *

Simon did come back the next day. He and Amatis were comparing notes. Magnus introduced them earlier today.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get a sign. I just rambled on about my band, about that time I had terrible razor burn on my face and Luke had to teach me how to shave, what I ate yesterday. Whatever I could think of.” said Simon, his expression disappointed.

“Don’t blame yourself, Simon. You’re doing admirably.” said Amatis.

“Thanks.” said Simon with a nod of his head, then he stood. “I’m going to head out. Text me if anything changes.”

Magnus sat down with Amatis after seeing Simon out.

“You too, Amatis. Don’t blame yourself.”

“That’s kind of you, but that’s my baby brother in there. I feel like I’m failing him again.”

Magnus reached over and held Amatis’ forearm briefly, wanting to offer some comfort.

“You’re here. That’s the best thing you can do for him.”

“I’ve got a better idea. I want to go in the cell.” Amatis was looking at him steadily, wanting to see his reaction.

Magnus had been using magic to put fresh water and clean up the cell so far. He understood why Amatis wanted to try it; Luke did seem to be more and more responsive to her presence.

“Let me monitor you, and I’ll take down the warding.” Magnus offered.

“Deal. Let’s go.” Amatis said swiftly.

They walked over to the cell. The herb Luke took was losing its potency, and the wolf was healing faster. The wolf still rested often, but it was hard to say if that was Luke himself or the wolf’s instinct to keep still. It was a risk to go in with the wolf more mobile but they could have a better sense of who was in control.

“Lucian, I’m coming in there.” said Amatis.

Magnus was amused at her bossy tone with her younger brother, in spite of the fact she was talking to a supernaturally large wolf. Even though Luke was not able to respond, Magnus felt he had a good sense of how these two had interacted with each other. Amatis had shared that she’d been Luke’s caretaker from a young age. “We grew up like little savages. Maybe that’s inappropriate to say with Lucian in his current condition, but it’s true. Two kids alone in a little cabin in the woods. Sorry, darling, I did what I could, but sometimes I just felt like partying!”

Magnus brought his attention to the present moment. The wolf was making eye contact with Amatis, laying down. Amatis looked right back at him.

“Do it, Magnus.”

With a wave of his arm, Magnus took down the warding, and Amatis crept closer.

“Lucian. It’s me, Amatis. Your big sister, Amatis. I’m not leaving this cell until you give me a sign. I know you’re in there, otherwise this wolf would be coming at me now.”

Magnus agreed. He’d been more prepared for an attack scenario, but the wolf continued lying down in the center of the cell, maintaining eye contact with Amatis but making no other move.

Amatis took another step forward. When the wolf did nothing, she took another. She continued until she was within arms-reach, then the wolf stood up slowly, walked to the far wall of the cell, laid down again and looked back at Amatis.

Magnus and Amatis exchanged a quick glance.

“It’s up to you, Amatis. I’ve got you covered.”

Amatis nodded. She followed the wolf over to the wall. When she got close again, the wolf let out a whine. Magnus and Amatis both startled, the wolf had never done that. Emboldened, Amatis reached her hand forward, and the wolf whined again.

“Lucian, please, can you give me a sign you understand me? A bark?”

The wolf stared at Amatis for a few seconds, then let out a bark.

“Two barks for yes. One bark for no. Do you know I’m your sister, Amatis?”

The wolf barked twice.

“Do remember Magnus saving you?”

Two barks.

“Are you aware all the time?”

One bark.

“Now, we’re getting somewhere.” said Amatis with a grin.


	14. Chapter 14

Amatis continued asking Luke questions, but she and Magnus could both tell when he left, so to speak. It was more than just the lack of response to questions. There was a shift in the wolf’s body language, a shift in the air.

Simon was very excited the next day, and he too was able to get some questions in before Luke lost control, or whatever was happening; it was hard to say. Still, Magnus was hopeful, and even more so at the thought of Jocelyn’s return. She and Clarissa had been gone over three weeks now. In their last contact, this was when she planned on returning. Instead, what he got wind of were reports of demons in town.

* * *

“Finally!” Clary said to her mother as they landed back in New York City.

“Thank you for trusting me on this trip. I know it’s been hard, but I must say I have had a wonderful time with you.” said Jocelyn, looking at her daughter with love in her eyes.

“Yeah, me too. I feel like I know you so much better Mom.” said Clary happily.

“I’m glad. But you’re right, it’s nice to be back. Let’s go home.” said Jocelyn with a smile.

* * *

“Father, I’ve changed my mind. I would like to meet Mother.” said Jonathan Morgenstern, airily. The two of them were temporarily lodging in an abandoned house, out in the countryside.

“May I ask what changed?” replied Valentine, looking up from the book he was reading.

“What is the saying? ‘Blood calls to blood?’ I want to see Mother for myself, and Clarissa.”

“I will send a message asking for a meeting.” Valentine answered succinctly.

“Are they really so weak they cannot handle seeing me without such forewarning? I am glad you never handled me with such kid gloves Father. Your former parabatai was alright, was he not?” Jonathan asked, vexation evident in his tone.

“We have been over this Jonathan.” replied Valentine calmly.

“I know, but I confess I do not understand. I propose a negotiation. I will let you set up the meeting as you see fit, if you will allow me to follow you to New York. You know I always keep my word to you.” said Jonathan, looking his father in the eye.

“I accept. Pack your things, and let me examine your wound before we leave.”

Jonathan nodded, headed to his bedroom to pack, then turned back around. “One more point, Father.”

“And that would be?” Valentine asked, one of his eyebrows raising.

“I disapprove of Mother naming my sister Clarissa. I wanted you to know that in advance of the meeting.” Jonathan said slowly, sardonically.

Valentine smiled. “We are in agreement, then.”

“Good. I prefer us to be on the same page.” declared Jonathan, a smirk on his face.

* * *

Jocelyn and Clary stepped out of their taxi in front of their brownstone.

“The smell of home! And I’m so close to my phone! I’m going to call Simon right when we get in there.” said Clary, excitedly.

It was late. The streets quiet, overhead lights illuminating the road and sidewalks. Jocelyn stood outside for a moment, taking in the sight of home, when she saw a sudden movement. There was also a smell in the air, one she had not smelled in a long time, a sulphur like scent – demon. She’d been carrying her stele with her this whole time, along with her favorite dagger, and she drew it now.

“Whoa! Mom, what -!?”

Before Clary could finish, Jocelyn swung at a demon who leapt forward to attack Clary. It was small, somewhat human in appearance, but hunched over, walking on all fours, with mottled blue skin. She quickly drew out her stele and activated runes for strength and night vision.

“Get inside, Clary. I’ll explain later.” Jocelyn said, her voice a deadly calm.

“Look, Mom!” exclaimed Clary.

More figures, demons, had come forward, surrounding Clary and Jocelyn, blocking Clary’s path to the door.

“Stay close to me.” said Jocelyn, assessing their numbers, what type of demons they appeared to be.

“Just when I thought I knew you, just when I thought things were going back to normal.” said Clary, weak with distress.

One figure moved forward, but was stopped by a knife thrown from behind.

“It’s been a long time, Jocelyn.” said a crisp female voice. “To think we’ve been so close together and didn’t even know it.”

Jocelyn watched as two figures, a woman and a man she recognized, stepped into the light. Their presence caused the remaining demons to flee.

“Maryse, Robert. What are we dealing with?” said Jocelyn, all business for now.

“Low level demons of some sort.” said Robert, copying Jocelyn’s tone. “We’ve been tracking them since we found a kill they made this morning.

“Though with that retreat, I now suspect they are under the command of a more powerful demon.” said Maryse.

“They seemed drawn to you and your daughter specifically. Have you noticed any other demonic activity?” asked Robert.

“No, we have been out of town for weeks. We just got back, but first, Clary you need to get inside the house. It is warded from demons.”

Jocelyn stopped speaking because they all felt a strong rumble, and a deep reverberation. She first thought earthquake, but the ground wasn’t shaking.

“There goes the warding.” Maryse said dryly.

“We’re definitely dealing with a clever one.” added Robert.

Jocelyn was momentarily amused at Maryse and Robert’s ability to continue each others thoughts. How was it that they had been apart for so long, yet they were immediately recognizable?

“Could Clary go to the Institute?” asked Jocelyn.

“Yes, but it’s far from here. I don’t know if whoever this is would let you get there easily.” said Maryse.

“I vote we follow the demons while we have the trail. Do you have a seraph blade, Jocelyn?” asked Robert.

“I do.” Jocelyn turned to her daughter, who had been quietly watching this exchange. “Maryse and Robert, this is my daughter Clarissa. Clary, these are friends of mine. Maryse and Robert Lightwood. Demons are real. I’ve hid so much from you, and I swear to God I will tell you everything after this, but I need you to follow us now.”

“Okay, but I want a weapon too. Can I have that dagger?” asked Clary, sensing this was not the time and place to argue.

Jocelyn kissed the hilt of it, saying a quick prayer that it serve Clary well, and handed it to her. She took her seraph blade out, she and Clary stashed their luggage inside, then she turned to Maryse and Robert. “Let’s go.”

* * *

The foursome followed the trail to an empty construction site a few blocks away. The smell of sulphur was strong here.

Robert had a bow and arrow, along with a seraph blade. Maryse had her throwing daggers. The demons they saw earlier were here, moving in the shadows. Robert notched an arrow, and Maryse took a dagger in each hand. Jocelyn named her seraph blade and they got to work, Jocelyn always staying close to Clary.

After they killed all the lower level demons there was a crackle of electricity in the air, and a different, quicker, more human like body, standing on two legs with two arms but the same mottled blue skin, moved into the scene, engaging Maryse in combat. Four more similar figures emerged, three running in unison toward Robert, causing him to switch to his seraph blade. One came toward Jocelyn and she prepared herself to protect Clary, but before the figure reached them a cold male voice rang out. All the demons retreated at the sound of it.

“I thought I had taken care of you all, but apparently I was sloppy.”

The group looked to where the voice came from, and saw a young man, with icy blond hair, holding a knife to the throat of one of the demons.

Another voice emerged, though it was strange, distorted. It came from one of the other demons. Jocelyn couldn’t tell which one. Nothing distinguished one of the demons as the leader.

“You did take care of that group, as you so casually put it. We are here for revenge. You killed our family.”

“Is that so? How quaint.” replied the young man.

“We tracked your scent. We can smell you and your family. We will kill your family just as you did ours.”

Jocelyn’s breath caught. The demons had come after her and Clary. Family. Could this young man possibly be him?

The young man slit the throat of the demon he’d been holding, letting it fall to the ground, then stabbing it in the chest.

“Well, I have just killed another member of your family. What are you going to do about it?” said the young man, mockingly.

This enraged the remaining demons, and they started to fight with increased strength. The ensuing battle was fierce but brief, with the Shadowhunters emerging victorious.

“Jonathan, is that you?” asked Jocelyn, hear voice quavering.

All turned to face them. “Yes, Mother.” Jonathan looked at his sister, “Hello, Clarissa, and you two are Maryse and Robert Lightwood, but I’m afraid we’ll have to save our conversing for later. Something about this battle wasn’t quite right. It was too easy.”

“Agreed.” said Robert.

“Yes, why the odd staggering of attacks? They would have been better off all attacking at once.” added Maryse.

“And they led us to this place.” said Jonathan.

“I think we’re about to find out.” said Clary, her trepidation evident.

An intricate symbol glowed on the ground, and the places where the demon bodies fell started to glow as well. As the glow became stronger, a mass of electric blue energy formed above the center of the symbol. Out of that mass emerged two figures. They were large, standing at 9 feet tall (2.7 meters). There was something in the way they stood that sent a shiver down Jocelyn’s spine. These demons were powerful.

“Sometimes, sacrifices must be made to achieve one’s goals.” This voice sounded similar to the earlier demon’s voice, but it was slightly less distorted.

“You all will die here tonight.” said a distinct second voice.

One demon seemingly flew to where Robert was standing, and the other attacked Jocelyn and Clary. Maryse moved to assist Jocelyn. Robert was parrying the demon’s attacks but he was losing ground. Jonathan made his way to Robert and together they fought.

These demons were skilled fighters, and all the Shadowhunters were growing weary. Robert made what would have been a fatal miscalculation attempting to dodge a blow if another combatant had not entered the fight, beheading the demon from behind.

“Father, you’ve upstaged my entrance.” said Jonathan, announcing Valentine’s presence to everyone.

“Let’s call a truce, Valentine. Until we kill these.” said Robert, slightly out of breath.

“Agreed.” said Valentine, looking at the body of the demon he had just beheaded. It had not killed the demon. They watched as the body grew a new head.

“We have to kill both of these at the same time. That will end their regeneration spell. Notice the other is faltering, and the symbol is glowing brighter.” said Valentine.

“I’ve heard of spells like these. Do you hear that Maryse, Jocelyn? We need to kill these simultaneously.” Robert called out.

“Affirmative!” Maryse called back, after dodging an attack. She and Jocelyn fought well together. They often sparred together in Idris. They kept the demon away from Clary, but Jocelyn was tiring, and she saw Maryse slowing down. As Jocelyn cut one of the demons arms off, a chain wrapped around its legs. The demon tried to get free, but the chain burned its skin. With a great tug, the demon lost its balance and crashed to the ground.

“Is this not the most absurd reunion any of us have ever seen?” said another voice Jocelyn had not heard in years, but she instantly recognized. She turned to see Amatis holding strong to her end of chain. “You three!” she called out to the men, “Get yours restrained!”

Maryse beheaded their demon to gain time, but the demon fighting the men got away, getting a good swipe at Jonathan. Jonathan stepped out of range, but the beheaded demon’s arm was shifting, lengthening.

“Jonathan, behind you!” Jocelyn cried out.

An arrow pierced the arm of the demon that had been creeping towards Jonathan from above. Jocelyn looked up, and saw a man overhead, with a crossbow. It was Luke. He must have leapt from one of the open upper floors of the construction site. He morphed in midair into a wolf, landing heavily on the ground amongst the Shadowhunters, next to the demon’s arm, which it grabbed hold of in its mouth, then swung its head side to side until the arm ripped off the demon’s body.

Valentine and Robert made use of this distraction to immobilize their demon. Robert and Maryse made eye contact, then simultaneously stabbed their respective demons in the throat.

They watched as the demons stopped moving, and the symbols glow faded. Their bodies burned, returning to the dimension they came from.

“Well, I guess you all took care of that.” came the lilting voice of Magnus Bane, walking towards them. “How about we all go back to my place to sort this out? I have drinks.”


	15. Chapter 15

Magnus looked around his loft. He’d thrown many a wild party, with quite the assortment of guests, but he would definitely remember this group.

They left the scene quickly. All agreed to come back with him; Jocelyn’s cover was blown, Clarissa knew of Shadow World, the Lightwoods knew Valentine and Jocelyn were alive, and everyone knew Luke was stuck as a werewolf.

Magnus spoke with the Lightwoods privately about what they were going to tell the Clave, while a very strange family reunion commenced for the Morgenstern-Fray’s. Amatis brought Luke back to his holding cell, then came to say hello to everyone, but she didn’t stay long. She wanted to get back to her brother.

The Lightwoods were concerned for their children if this ever got out, but they also didn’t know if the Clave would believe them if they said they ran into Valentine and Jocelyn unexpectedly; they did not want to be falsely accused of plotting with Valentine.

Amatis was concerned knowing about Valentine as well, but all agreed Valentine and Jonathan had helped tonight, and no one wanted to call attention to Luke’s predicament.

Valentine formally apologized to the Lightwoods, and they agreed to not say anything about Valentine’s involvement in exchange for Valentine saving Robert’s life.

The Lightwoods left. Clarissa and Jonathan eventually split from their parents to talk just the two of them, leaving Jocelyn and Valentine to speak. There was unmistakeable distance between them, but from what Magnus observed they seemed to come to some sort of resolution.

“It’s late all, and the danger is over for tonight. Go home, sleep. Come back tomorrow if you’d like.” said Magnus, when it seemed like things were wrapping up. They left, Valentine and Jonathan leaving first. Magnus noted Clarissa looking at Jonathan as he left, and Jonathan turned to look back at her as well.

* * *

Jocelyn had much to think about. Everything she planned for Clary’s life had fallen apart, and her family was reunited. At first glance, her son looked strongly like his father, but the more she looked at him she could see her family’s features on his face. With Clary, it was difficult to link any of her features to her father.

With Jonathan, before and after his birth she felt the taint of the demon blood, and it terrified her. In that way, Valentine had been the one better equipped to parent Jonathan, and certainly he was strongly allied with his father, but she still had trouble forgiving Valentine for giving Jonathan the demon blood in the first place.

Clary seemed absolutely fascinated by her brother. Not so much by her father. “Really, Mom, you should have known he was trouble. If not by his looks and vibe, his name should have been a dead giveaway,” she said to her on the way home. She had to laugh at that.

Over breakfast the next morning, Jocelyn answered all of Clary’s questions with the truth, as best as she could recall, after she herself outlined the story.

“You would kill me if I got married at 18. You know that, right?”

“What?! Luke asked you to marry him?!”

“I could do this too, fight demons? There’s a school for that?”

And finally, “Why Mom, why did you hide all this from me? You took my memories. This is what you really meant, right? When you said Luke always wanted you to tell me the truth.”

“Clary, please know that my actions may have been misguided. I can see now there are dangers in both the Mundane and the Shadow Worlds. At this point, I can’t say what I believe would have been right. This is not meant to excuse my choice, but know that I was traumatized by what happened, and the best I could do at the time was runaway.”

“You’ve heard the saying ‘The grass is always greener on the other side?’ I wanted to be spared from Shadowhunter affairs after what happened to me; my son and I were experimented on; my dear friend was turned into a werewolf; my husband held a knife to my throat, then kidnapped our child.

“I wanted to keep you safe, at any cost. After all the Shadow World took from me, I thought I would have been better off never knowing about it, so that’s what I gave to you. Here you are now, telling me you would rather have known.

“I will say this though - if this is the life you chose, I will do anything I can to prepare you.”

Clary paused, reflecting, taking all this in, then, “Mom?”

“Yes?” Jocelyn asked, at this point having no idea what her daughter would say.

“Can we go see Luke now?”

* * *

“He changed back yesterday, but he’s still stuck?” asked Jocelyn.

“It appears so. I haven’t been able to get an answer out of him since last night. I’m glad he got back here without my having to chain him. What a series of events.” said Amatis, a rueful smile on her face.

“Amatis, how did you and Luke end up there last night?” Just like with the Lightwoods, it was so familiar to be sitting here, talking with Amatis.

“Magnus had been following leads on the demons. I said I would patrol. Lucian is a bit of a mystery, but those demons were able to disable warding. Maybe he could smell or sense something and he found his way to us.”

“I couldn’t get a response from him.” Clary said, dejected, as she approached them, joining them at the table.

“Simon is here, everyone!” Magnus’ voice rang out.

“Clary!” came Simon’s ebullient voice, as he ran over to the table, giving Clary a big hug.

“This is crazy, isn’t it?! I’m so glad you’re back! Hi Mrs. Fray, I brought a cake for you all. Hey, Amatis. Hey, Luke!” Simon shouted over his shoulder in the direction of the door to the cells. “I’ll see you in a minute!”

“It is wonderful to see you, Simon. You’ve had quite a time yourself. Thank you for coming here to see Luke while we were away.” Jocelyn couldn’t quite hide her regret that she had not been here for her friend.

“Of course! And, honestly it’s been a blast hanging out with Magnus and Amatis. Who knew Luke had a sister? Well, you did, obviously… Anyway, sorry I had to lie to you about how I know Luke, Amatis.” said Simon, speaking rapidly due to his excitement.

“I had a feeling something was being kept from me, and once I saw Jocelyn I thought, ‘That’s it!’ But, whoa! Valentine and Jonathan, that was a shocker. Are you alright, Jocelyn, Clary?” Jocelyn appreciated how quickly Amatis took to Clary and Simon.

“Well, Valentine’s not as nuts as I was first led to believe, but I’m still really mad at him. I’m mad that I didn’t get to grow up with my brother.” said Clary, looking sulky.

“It’s strange to see him, but in some ways it feels like facing a nightmare and bringing it back down to earth. It’s good to be reminded that Valentine is just a man.” said Jocelyn, looking pensive.

“I want to know what he said to Luke. Luke was fine when we left, then Valentine talks to him, and this happens? It doesn’t seem like a coincidence to me.” said Clary passionately, then continued after a short pause. “Simon, let’s go talk to him again. You got an answer from him before right?”

“Sure did! You can call me, ‘The Werewolf Whisperer!’” said Simon, with a dramatic hand motion. “Hey, Amatis, why are you laughing at that! I thought it was cool, it even has alliteration!” Clary had a look that was struggling between amusement and annoyance, and Jocelyn, while she too made jokes about Luke’s condition to make it easier to deal with, found she was too stressed to appreciate Simon’s humor about it. “Oh, one more thing, did Luke really jump in the air, turn human, shoot a crossbow, then land as a werewolf? Magnus told me.”

“He did.” answered Amatis.

“That is the most badass thing I’ve ever heard. I wish I could have seen it. Mrs. Fray, I’ll be honest, when I heard you all were Shadowhunters, I thought with you ‘Yeah, I can see that.’ With Luke, I really thought he was a mild mannered guy who ran a bookshop. Not a crossbow wielding werewolf.”

“The crossbow was his specialty.” replied Jocelyn, still in a fog.

* * *

After Clary and Simon left the room, Amatis turned to Jocelyn and said “There’s something I want to talk to you about privately, Jocelyn. Would you step outside with Magnus and I?” her tone serious.

“Of course.” said Jocelyn, but she felt afraid. What more could be added to this mess? She stood up and walked to the door with Amatis, Magnus joining them after Amatis called him over. She found out shortly; Magnus revealed Luke’s suicide attempt.

“I’m aware this is childish, and probably just shock talking, but I want to blame Valentine for this.” said Jocelyn.

Amatis put one arm around her shoulders. “Like mother, like daughter, eh?” Amatis said, squeezing Jocelyn’s shoulders as she did so. “It’s alright, it’s a lot to take in. I didn’t do much better.”

“We wanted to tell you first. Do you want to tell Clary and Simon about this? We’ve been keeping it from Simon. Dorothea is the only other person who knows.” said Magnus.

“Yes, I’ll tell them myself. I just spent all of this morning telling her the truth. I won’t stop now. Do you still have the letters?” said Jocelyn, resigned.

“I do. Dorothea and I apologize for having read them, but as Dorothea so aptly put it, ‘If this works, no one will care.’” said Magnus.

“I agree. I will be personally thanking Dorothea. Thank you, Magnus. Is there anything else you know that could help us? Do you agree with Clary and myself? Did this happen because Luke was stressed from Valentine’s appearance?”

“I cannot say for sure, but even if it is a factor, it is not the cause. If this happened to all werewolves when they got stressed out, well, there wouldn’t be many werewolves left.” said Magnus.

“That’s true, and Luke is as steady as they come.” said Jocelyn, calming down slightly. “I do have a question though. Where is the Morgenstern blade?”

“I have it. Do you want it?” asked Magnus, with some hesitation.

“No, it’s not mine, though I would like to melt it down at this point.”

“Jocelyn, are you going to see Valentine and Jonathan again?” asked Amatis.

“Yes, he sent me a message earlier. They are coming here later today. I know Clary desperately wants to see Jonathan. She said she wanted to show him something. It’s funny. Our kids want to see each other, but Clary is not interested in seeing Valentine, and Jonathan isn’t interested in seeing me. Even myself, I thought I would have more to say to Valentine, but after last night I can’t think of anything more I want to ask him about.”

“You said so yourself, Jocelyn, you’re probably just in shock, but if you don’t mind, may I speak with Valentine? It may not apply to his stuck werewolf state, and Magnus, you already told me Luke said Valentine apologized, but I too want to know what they talked about.” said Amatis.

“Be my guest.”

“Let’s change the subject then. Jocelyn, will you tell me about yourself? You have a beautiful daughter.”

Jocelyn smiled. “Thank you. I’d love too. You too, you’ll have to tell me what has happened with you.”

“I’ll leave you ladies, now. You know I have important matters to attend to.” said Magnus, excusing himself.

“Sure, Magnus. See you later.” replied Amatis.

Magnus walked away feeling troubled. All this airing of truths, and he was the one hiding now. He had not told Jocelyn or Amatis about spelling Luke, because he didn’t want to lie when he was inevitably asked how Luke found out he was spelled.

He meant what he said, but he did agree trying to clear any stresses Luke had could help him change back. Unfortunately, it was difficult to know what those would be. Would it help to know more of what happened between Luke and Valentine, as everyone else was keying into?

He had promised Luke he would not tell anyone what he had unwillingly revealed to Magnus, and he would keep that promise. They would just have to do the best they could with what they knew.

* * *

Before Simon left, Jocelyn and Amatis sat down with them and told them that Luke had attempted to take his life. Jocelyn gave Clary the letter Luke wrote to her.

“How did he do it?” asked Clary, with laser focus.

Jocelyn sighed. “With a knife. The one I told you about, the one Valentine gave him after he first turned into a werewolf.” said Jocelyn, working to remain calm.

“But how? What did he do?” Clary asked again.

Jocelyn had a hard time getting it out, not so much because she didn’t want to tell Clary – even though she still had her instinct to keep Clary from harm – but that it was hard even for her to think about. “He cut his femoral artery.” Jocelyn managed to say clearly.

“I feel sick.” said Simon, looking green in the face.

“Stupid Valentine!” exclaimed Clary. “If he hadn’t said that, Luke wouldn’t have…” Clary trailed off, then changed directions. “Oh God, I feel sick too.”

Jocelyn reached out for both of their hands.

“But, Magnus saved him.” said Clary in a soft voice, reassuring herself, “He’s right over there.”

Amatis poured them some water while they processed the news. When Simon regained his usual complexion, he said his goodbyes to Jocelyn and Amatis. Clary walked with him to the door.

“You text me alright, Clary? If you need me, I’m here.” said Simon sincerely.

“Thanks, Simon. I’m so glad you’re here.” said Clary, equally sincere.

“Me too. Me too. We’re going to get through this.” Simon said soothingly, giving Clary one more hug before walking out the door.

* * *

“I apologize about Stephen, Amatis.”

Amatis and Valentine were sitting down at the table. Jocelyn excused herself to sit with Luke, and Clary and Jonathan had gone to the roof to talk by themselves.

“You really are full of apologies. It’s good to hear you say that, but honestly at this point I consider that divine punishment. I left Lucian, Stephen left me.”

“That is certainly taking the high road.” observed Valentine smoothly.

“Just stop with that sophistication and charm of yours. Makes me think we’re back at the cottage or at Stephen’s and my house, talking like we used to.”

Amatis had seen Valentine often after he and Lucian announced they were going to become parabatai. “Lucian’s family is my family.” he had said, a handsome smile on his face. She could see how important it was to Lucian that she like Valentine, the way he had looked at her expectantly after he had introduced her to Valentine, so rare for Lucian, that she had gone out of her way to get to know him better, and they did become friends. It was easy to fall back into their old way of being with each other, despite everything.

“I apologize.” replied Valentine drolly.

“You can’t even help yourself, can you?” It was disgusting how easily this man won people over. People often told her that she was outgoing, open, easy to talk to but she did not possess Valentine’s allure, his glamour.

“It is good to see you again, Amatis.”

“Amazingly, it’s good to see you too. God, we really screwed up, didn’t we?”

“We did.” said Valentine simply.

“Is this how you talked, with Lucian? It was hard to believe, when Magnus told me Lucian said you apologized, but now I’ve got the proof right in front of me. I came into this thinking I could get you to tell me what you said to him, but now that I’m thinking about it, that was unlikely. You two were always so private with each other.”

Valentine raised his eyebrows at that.

“What did I say?” Amatis was surprised by his reaction to what she thought was stating the obvious. “Seriously, I always felt like I was intruding on you.”

“I was not aware.” Valentine looked like he was puzzling over that.

“Don’t you dare apologize again.” said Amatis, laughing afterward.

“Lucian did start to turn, the second night I spoke with him.” Valentine said carefully.

“Really? What were you talking about?” This was more than Amatis expected.

“What happened the night he was bit.” answered Valentine, in the same careful tone.

“That’s fitting, I suppose. What happened after that?” Amatis asked, feeling sympathy for her brother.

“He asked me to leave. I did. It appeared he could not stop it. I saw him two nights after that. He was human again, and he remained so during my stay. That is the last time I saw him before I left to assist Jonathan.”

* * *

Clary and Jonathan were up on the roof of the warehouse. There was a light up here, and they were seated at a small table, the weather comfortably warm.

When she saw Jonathan for the first time, he seemed instantly familiar. They didn’t look particularly alike, so she abandoned the idea that was because they were related. Still, she felt she had seen him before, though she knew she had not.

After looking through her artwork earlier today, specifically her drawings for a graphic novel she had wanted to create, she realized why he looked so familiar.

“I have something I want to show you.” said Clary, steeling her nerves.

“Oh?” said Jonathan, encouraging her to continue.

“Yeah, hold on, it’s in my bag here. You remember I told you I like to draw, right?”

“Yes. As does our mother, correct?”

“Yeah.” Clary paused as she opened her backpack, pulling out her sketchpad. “Here we go. Do you ever read graphic novels?” asked Clary, trying to segue into this, but also curious about her brother.

“I’ve seen them, yes.”

“I like to draw them. This is one I’ve been working on. Umm.. this is a little embarrassing, but hear me out.”

After Jonathan nodded, Clary continued, speaking increasingly fast, “It’s about a cursed prince, and after seeing you, I went back to this and he looks just like you. Not the dark hair, but besides that he looks like you. Here, look.”

Clary handed Jonathan the page, a bit more forcefully than she meant to, but she was worried what he would say.

Jonathan studied the page thoughtfully.

“You are quite skilled, aren’t you?” he said, approvingly. “I agree, it does look like me. When did you draw this character?”

“About a year ago. The character was in my head longer than that though. He wouldn’t leave me alone, but I was thinking, maybe, the reason I drew this was because we’ve always been connected, even though we weren’t together?” Clary didn’t like how meek she sounded saying this.

Jonathan was silent for a moment, still looking at the drawing.

“It could be. As you have experienced, this world is full of unknowns.” responded Jonathan seriously.

* * *

Amatis and Valentine were still sitting when Clary and Jonathan returned from the roof deck. Clary went to go get her mother, and they all gathered around the table. Jonathan broke the tense silence.

“I am aware this will not be a popular opinion, but I feel I must say it. Are you sure this is the right thing to do? Keeping Lucian Graymark locked up like this? He tried to kill himself to prevent just this from happening.”

“Jonathan, you aren’t suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, are you?” asked Clary, going pale.

“We can wait and see, but I know we have all thought it, and I would like to volunteer to kill him if it comes to that. It will be easier for me than it would be for any of you. I won’t hesitate, it will be quick. It would be my way of repaying him for aiding me yesterday. Argue with me you like, but that seems more humane that this.” Jonathan concluded.

“We will wait for now, but your opinion is noted, Jonathan.” answered Valentine solemnly. Jonathan seemed satisfied. Amatis and Jocelyn kept their silence, and Valentine stood up.

“Wait, are you leaving?” asked Clary.

“I thought this might be a good time to excuse myself and Jonathan, yes.” said Valentine.

“Have you seen Luke yet? Let’s go see him together.” said Clary, surprising everyone, including herself.

Valentine looked to Amatis and Jocelyn. Jocelyn nodded, and Amatis said “It’s fine with me. Jonathan, come sit down with us. Tell us about your dealings with those demons from yesterday.”

“It’s settled then.” said Clary, walking towards the holding bay, Valentine walking a few paces behind her.

They were quiet until they got in front of Luke’s cell. The wolf opened its eyes and was watching them closely.

“Luke, my biological father is here to see you.” Clary attempted to say this calmly, but failed to keep the snark out of it.

To her surprise, Valentine started laughing, and despite herself she felt the beginning of a smile on her face.

“Luke, can you hear me?” asked Clary hopefully.

The wolf stood up, then barked twice.

“Really?! Wow, hi!”

“Lucian, does the effect of this get easier when the moon wanes?” asked Valentine, taking charge of the questioning.

One bark.

“Have you been able to change to human or partly human when no one has witnessed?”

One bark.

“Do I remind you of Valentine?” interjected Clary.

Two barks.

“Really?” asked Clary, confused.

“Both your mother and myself never cared much for rules or propriety, so I cannot say that you get that entirely from me, but do be careful. I took it much too far. Your mother handled herself better. Is that what you meant, Lucian?”

Two barks.

* * *

Jocelyn and Clary were back visiting with Amatis and Luke several days later. Amatis and Jocelyn were sitting at the table while Clary was sitting with Luke.

“So, Clarissa has decided she wants to be a Shadowhunter.” said Amatis slowly.

“Yes, and I swore to her I would help her anyway I can. I’ve spoken with Maryse, and I took her to the New York Institute.”

“We started tutoring her, to see if she liked it. She’s a quick study. She’s been using my stele, of course she enjoys drawing the runes. Maryse thought the best thing would be for Clary to go to school in Alicante, and I agree. I will go with her, I will come out of hiding. I’ve warned her how notorious she will be, but she didn’t care.” said Jocelyn calmly.

“You can both stay at my place as long as you want. I’m going to stay here with Lucian. I’ve started running his business for him. It’s been fun, but bittersweet. Magnus sent over some Children of the Moon to help run it. It’s turning into a halfway house for troubled werewolves.” said Amatis with a laugh.

“Thank you, Amatis.” said Jocelyn.

“This will be hard on Simon.” continued Amatis.

“It will.” replied Jocelyn simply.

“He’s tougher than he looks though. When are you leaving?” asked Amatis.

“As soon as we can. We’ll be in touch.”


	16. Chapter 16

“Any change, Amatis?” asked Simon hopefully, as he always did when inquiring about Luke.

“No. Here, have some tea.” replied Amatis gently.

“Don’t mind if I do.”

The two of them were sitting at the table in Magnus’s warehouse. It was a warm fall afternoon. It had been over a month since the Fray’s left for Alicante.

“How’s school going?” asked Amatis.

“It’s okay, I guess. It’s hard to focus sometimes, thinking about all that’s happened: with Luke, the Fray’s, meeting Clary’s father and brother. I’m glad I still get to see you, Luke and Magnus, because otherwise I would feel like none of this ever happened. I’m hanging out with friends from the band, but I miss Clary.

“You’re welcome here anytime, Simon.” said Magnus enthusiastically, joining them at the table.

“That is so nice of you, but, Magnus, I’ve gotta say you are over the top happy, and while I have a healthy amount of self respect, I don’t think it’s about me. What gives?”

“Let’s just say I have my eye on someone.” replied Magnus slyly.

“You didn’t tell me that, Magnus. Who is it?” asked Amatis, excitedly.

“Yeah, we’re all friends here, right? I just poured my heart out. Don’t keep us in suspense!” said Simon, mock angrily.

“You recall the going away party I threw, for Jocelyn and Clary?” answered Magnus lightly.

“Yes.” said Amatis.

“Clarissa invited her new friends, the Lightwoods. The eldest son and I chatted. I got his phone number. We’ve been seeing each other.” said Magnus, unable to keep the smile off his face.

“Good for you!” said Amatis, congratulatory.

“I’m jealous!” Simon piped in.

“I thought you would chastise me. A relationship between a Shadowhunter and a Warlock.”

“Oh, that’s bad?” asked Simon, worried.

“Magnus, have you forgotten my brother is a Werewolf? Yeah, maybe it will be more complicated, but if you like him and he likes you, go for it. I support you.” said Amatis firmly.

“Me too!” added Simon.

“Aww, you two are too much.” said Magnus fondly.

* * *

“How is he?” asked Valentine.

“The same. Sometimes he can communicate, sometimes he can’t. He hasn’t changed back. I thought maybe during a new moon he could, but two have already passed.” said Magnus.

Amatis was at the book shop. Magnus and Valentine were sitting at the warehouse. This was Valentine’s first visit to see Luke after Jocelyn and Clarissa left for Idris. Jocelyn had told Magnus that Clarissa and Jonathan were keeping in touch.

Magnus had wondered if he should say anything to Valentine about what he knew, about his and Luke’s last visit. He had told Luke he wouldn’t tell anyone, but Valentine already knew, and he was the only one here.

Would it help Luke to resolve something, something that maybe was keeping him stuck? Was he a fool for believing love always wins out?

And, was he bold enough to ask Valentine about this? This was the only question he surely knew the answer; Of course he was. He didn’t get to be the High Warlock of Brooklyn for nothing.

“Valentine, there is something I’ve been meaning to ask you about.” said Magnus assertively.

“What would that be?” asked Valentine, slightly curious.

“How do I put this delicately? I know that your... apology to Luke was, shall I say… quite physical.” answered Magnus carefully, looking to Valentine to gauge his reaction.

“How did you find that out?” asked Valentine, unperturbed.

Magnus had expected Valentine to look at least mildly surprised, even to deny it, but he didn’t so much as fidget.

“Luke told me.” Magnus replied.

“Did he really?” asked Valentine, his voice dripping with skepticism.

“I used a truth spell on him. I needed to know if you were a threat.”

“I assume whatever Lucian told you led you to believe I am not, since this is the second time you have invited me here.”

“Correct.”

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Valentine seriously.

“I suppose because I feel guilty. I added stress to an already stressful situation. I had hoped he would never know I used a spell, but as you can imagine, when you blurt out who you had sex with to a stranger, you realize something is afoot. He made the attempt on his life soon after that, and I am the last one who spoke to him as a human. It has left a deep impression on me.

“It’s been two months now. I say, let’s pull out all the stops. You’re alone here with him now. Please, however you care for him, tell him now.”

“Also, and I am totally serious here, how do you get these reserved ones to respond to advances? I am seeing someone, and I am having one heck of a time with him.”

Valentine looked away for a moment.

“He made the first move!?” Magnus exclaimed. “That’s even more impressive! How did you manage that?”

* * *

Whatever Valentine said – Magnus gave them privacy – Luke was still not able to change back. Amatis stayed at the warehouse some nights, some nights she stayed at the book shop. Simon continued visiting in the afternoons after school. Jocelyn and Clary checked in. Magnus did not dare say it aloud, but he was starting to wonder, would they need to take Jonathan up on his offer?

* * *

“Man, it’s cold.” said Simon, shaking himself as he sat down on a chair in front of Luke’s cell.

“Hey, Luke, it’s snowing out there. I know you can’t see it from here.

“I let myself in. It’s just us in here today. Amatis is at the shop. I think she enjoys it. Magnus is out doing who knows what, whatever the High Warlock of Brooklyn does.”

The werewolf was laying down, looking at Simon. From experience, he didn’t think Luke was aware right now. He continued talking anyway.

“It’s weird with Clary and Mrs. Fray – maybe I should start calling her Jocelyn? That still feels weird though, but anyways – with them gone.

“It’s funny. I’ve always loved stories like this; regular person suddenly introduced to a fantastic life. It’s super awesome Clary is training to be an Amazon warrior woman to protect humanity from demons, but you know how these stories go; the heroine dives headfirst into her new world, and her old crew – me – just can’t keep up.

“She’s meeting so many new people. She’s friends with the Lightwoods now. She met Amatis’ godson, Jace. God, Jace. Clary talks about him all the time. What kind of name is Jace anyway? A douche-bag’s name, that’s who’s.”

Simon sighed, looking contrite. “Sorry, jealously doesn’t become me. I get why they call it a green eyed monster now. It’s probably obvious, right? I’ve been in love with Clary for years, as long as I’ve known her really.

“I always hoped – assumed, if I’m being honest, which I am – that one day we would be together, but I’m starting to think that’s not true anymore. I hope we can still be friends, but even that seems unlikely.

“Clary’s studying to be a Shadowhunter, and I’m going to… graduate high school. Go to college probably, don’t know what I’ll study. Mom says to get an accounting degree. She quotes good ol’ Ben Franklin, ‘Nothing is certain but death and taxes,’ and she says I’m too scared of blood to be a doctor. Or an assassin, as my sister says. Whatever.”

“At least I don’t have to see Valentine and Jonathan on a regular basis. They both look a little too much like what Hitler was going for with his Master Race, then you add Valentine’s whole, ‘I’m going to exterminate all Downworlders,’ thing, it’s just too much for this dashing Jewish boy.

“I told Amatis and Magnus that. They had a good laugh about it. I know you and Valentine used to be close, though – again, gotta be honest here – I’m having a hard time picturing it.”

Simon paused, looking up at the ceiling.

“Sorry, I’m being such a downer today. I think it’s just starting to sink in now. When I was first told about all this, it was all I could do just to hold on for the ride. Now that more time has gone by, I can think about it more.

“That must have sucked, I mean really sucked, to watch Mrs. Fray and Valentine get together. And you were the best man? Why didn’t they just twist the knife while they were at it?

“That’s how I feel right now anyway. I’m going out on a limb here, but here it goes. I’d love to say ‘Please turn back; Clary needs you; Amatis and Mrs. Fray need you. But that’s not what I’m going to say. Please turn back because I need you. If you made it through this – watching the one you loved marry someone else, getting turned into a werewolf, getting exiled, then I can handle Clary going with this Jace asshole -” Simon threw his hands up. “- It’s a work in progress, what can I say. And I can handle Clary being a Shadowhunter and me being a lame Mundane – again, work in progress.

“But I can’t handle it if you survived all that to end up stuck like this, and what – we’re going to take you out back like Lassie?

“So what I could really use right now is you turning back and telling me I’m going to be alright. I’ll believe you, because you’ve been there.”

Simon jerked his head up, looking into Luke’s cell. To his amazement, the wolf was changing form, and then Luke – human Luke – appeared, on his hands and knees. He looked up, and Simon made eye contact with him.

“You’re going to be alright, Simon.” said Luke, hoarsely.

“Heh, I wasn’t sure you were listening.” replied Simon, shock on his face, only to increase when Luke then fell over. Simon couldn’t get past Magnus’ warding, and Luke didn’t respond when he called to him, asking if he was okay.

“Okay.” said Simon, nervously talking to himself. “What do I do? Call Amatis. Yeah.”

Simon pulled out his cellphone, pulling up Amatis’ number.

“Hi, Simon, what’s up? Do you need something?” asked Amatis, friendly as always.

“Yeah. I’m here with Luke, and I need you to come over here because he just turned back. He turned back, then he passed out.” said Simon, still processing.

There was silence on the other end.

“Did you get that?” asked Simon anxiously.

“I’m on my way.” said Amatis, to the point.

“Oh, bring some clothes of his.” Simon didn’t want to think about it too much, but he knew how Luke had attempted suicide. He would need new clothes.

“Got it. Sit tight. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

“Okay. I’ll call Magnus. See you soon.”

“See you soon.” Amatis hung up.

Simon called Magnus, but he didn’t pick up, so he sent a text. Simon spent a tense time waiting for Amatis to show up, but she got there in record time. She too tried to rouse Luke, but he didn’t respond. She couldn’t get past Magnus’ warding either.

Fortunately, Magnus sent a text a few minutes after she arrived. She and Magnus got on the phone briefly, and Magnus was able to dissipate the warding from where he was.

Simon was impressed when Amatis walked into the cell and picked Luke up, carrying him over her shoulders. Amatis carried him over to the bathroom, telling Simon she was going to clean him up. Magnus arrived while she was still in the bathroom with him.

She and Magnus decided just in case to keep him in the cell for now. Amatis carried him back, she had changed his clothes for him, and she placed him down on a bed Magnus set up in the cell.

After she put Luke down, she went to Simon and gave him a bear hug.

“Go home for now, Simon. One of us will let you know what’s happening.” said Amatis gently.

“You better.” said Simon with a small laugh. “Also, I want total credit for this.”


	17. Chapter 17

Amatis first sat by her brother’s bedside, but when that gave her little comfort, she laid down next to him. She’d been profoundly relieved, to see her brother return to his human body; to see his wound healed, that he was intact, but her hope was fading, after seeing him inert for so many hours. There wasn’t anything obviously wrong with him, besides the fact that he was not regaining consciousness. Mangus tried reviving tonics and healing spells, but they hadn’t done anything obvious. She struggled against the idea that they could possibly fail here, that Lucian would not wake.

Magnus had left her alone to her vigil, but he walked in now to check on them.

‘He doesn’t look well, Magnus. His breathing is shallow. He’s gray and cold to the touch.” said Amatis softly.

“We’ve done all we can. We’ll keep him comfortable and see what happens. Is there anything I can get you, Amatis? Some food, a cup of tea?”

“Just some water. I can’t eat now.”

“Very well.” said Magnus soothingly, going to fetch the water. When he returned, he said he would check in again soon, then left the area.

Amatis sat up in the bed and took a sip of water. She put the glass down, propped a pillow against the head of the bed, leaned back, and pulled Lucian over so that his head and shoulders were on her lap. She wanted to feel when he was taking breaths, to feel he wasn’t totally cold.

She sat like that for a long time, sometimes singing, sometimes speaking. She sat until her legs went numb. She’d been putting off saying this next piece, but she decided to say it now.

“I won’t let you go, darling. Forgive me if I am blinded, but I don’t think it’s your time. Though if it is, I held you when you were born, and I’ll hold you now.”

She went still after that, letting the silence fill the air, only to be rocked out of her reverie by a tired voice.

“It’s good to hear you call me ‘darling,’ Ama.” She jumped, but Lucian weighed her down. She quickly got with the program.

“‘Ama?’ You haven’t called me that since you were little.”

“This reminds me of when we were little.” replied Lucian, still sounding drowsy.

“Welcome back, darling.”

“Thanks.”

“How do you feel?”

“Exhausted. I don’t think I can stand”

“You don’t have to.”

Lucian went quiet. Amatis started running her fingers through his hair.

“Ama?” He sounded a bit more alert.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry about Stephen. I know how much you loved him.”

“You know what? Screw Stephen Herondale. Who does that?” said Amatis passionately.

“Preach, sister.” said Magnus heartily, walking into view. “I was coming in to check on you Amatis, but what a welcome surprise. How do you feel, Luke?”

“Pretty well, all things considered.”

Magnus went to get him some water and food. Lucian drank some, but said he did not want to attempt to eat just yet. Amatis did not push him, she could feel what a struggle it was for him just to sit up. They were lightly conversing when Magnus spoke. “This may be premature, but it’s been weighing on me, and I didn’t have the nerve to ask you as a wolf. Are you angry I stopped you?”

Amatis tightened her hold around Lucian’s shoulders, and she felt him sigh.

“At the time, I didn’t want you to save me, but being here with my sister after all these years – this is a miracle. Thank you, Magnus. You’ve done so much for us.”

“I am glad, but I am also returning the favor, for I too have had someone pull me from the edge."

“You’re a kind soul, Magnus Bane.” said Amatis sweetly.

“Stop, you’re making me blush. Besides, now I can add ‘bringing families together’ to my long resume. But, all kidding aside, is there anything else I can get you?” asked Magnus.

“Another pillow. Ama’s lap is kind of bony.” said Luke, sounding drowsy again.

“Oh? I’m sorry these accommodations aren’t up to your standards, you little brat.” Amatis said mockingly, before messing up her little brother’s hair.

“I’m trying to sleep here.” he responded, before chuckling.


	18. Chapter 18

Jocelyn and Clary were informed about Luke’s return, and they visited a few days later. Luke was more mobile, but needing to lay down often.

Simon sat with Clary as she told Luke about her studies and her time in Idris, but they both could see he was tiring quickly. They excused themselves, left the warehouse and walked to a nearby park.

“It’s so good to be back!” said Clary, as they sat together on a bench.

Simon took a deep breath. The cold air calmed him down. He’d made up his mind; he’d thought about this a lot, but it was still hard.

“Clary, there’s something I need to tell you.” said Simon, uncharacteristically serious.

“It’s not that you want nothing more to do with me is it? That all this is too much, too weird?”

“No! No, that’s not it. Just hear me out; I think we both know I’ve been kind of a dick about Jace and your new Shadowhunter friends.”

“Maybe just a little.” said Clary, a small smile on her face.

“And I know why, but I was afraid to tell you. But, I’m just driving you away anyway, so I’m going to say it and let you decide. I’ve been a dick lately because I’m jealous. I’m jealous that you are all angel blooded demon hunters, that they all get to spend time with you while I’m here in Mundanesville. But mostly I’m jealous because… I’m in love with you, Clary. I know this is awkward. I know you’re seeing Jace. I’m not even really expecting anything from you. But… I had to tell you.”

Clary didn’t respond immedietly. Simon never enjoyed pauses in conversation, and especially not after saying something so monumental, so he spoke again.

“You’re disgusted with me, aren’t you?”

“No, just give me a moment.”

Simon fidgeted, but kept quiet.

“Okay,” Clary spoke, looking off into the distance. “This love thing, it’s all new to me. I thought I got what it was; ‘I’ve read a lot, seen a lot of movies, come up with my own stories. I got it.’ But I didn’t, not until it happened to me. Even when people would assume we liked each other, or that you liked me, I didn’t think about it, but once I started seeing Jace, and felt what it felt like, I could start to see it in how you treated me.

She turned to look at Simon now. “I don’t feel that way about you, but I love you. You’re my best friend. So, if you can stand being around me, I still want to be your best friend.

“It’s been exciting meeting all these new people, but – as cliche as this is going to sound – they’re not you. I was sitting in my dorm the other day and it occurred to me, ‘Oh my God, my dad looks like Race Bannon from Johnny Quest.”

Simon started giggling, despite his sadness. “You’re so right! Why didn’t I think of that?!”

“Exactly! I started laughing too, and then I realized, ‘There isn’t a single person here who would think that’s funny. They wouldn’t even know what I was talking about. But, I knew you would, you just did! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had jokes fall flat with my new friends.

Clary paused. Simon stayed quiet, he knew her well enough to know she was still gathering her thoughts to say something else. “And, you know how I always thought Spiderman was kind of lame, with all the angst about, ‘With great power comes great responsibility?’”

Simon smiled, remembering that conversation. “Yeah, as I recall you said something like ‘Really guy, you’re a superhero, just deal with it!’”

Clary laughed. “Yeah, and you argued with me, saying it was hard for him. I get it now. I’ve got the power, I’m training, but I miss you. I miss you so much.”

“I’ve been telling myself it’s like college, I just started early. I can go live at the New York Institute with the Lightwoods after this. We’ll see each other. You’ll get married to some amazing person. You’ll want to name your kid something awful and I’ll stop you. I’ve got it all planned out. We’ll publish graphic novels together on the side.”

Simon let himself get pulled into that vision. It was different than what he had dreamed about for all these years, yet he felt oddly happy thinking about it. “That sounds awesome. What does Jace think of all this?”

“I really like Jace, but if he can’t deal with us being best friends? That’s a deal breaker for me. I know this is still hard. I’m not trying to ignore your feelings. It’s just, I know it can work out. Mom and Luke worked it out. We can too.”

Simon keenly felt his broken heart, but he also had a deep sense that everything would be okay. “This isn’t me trying to be flirty, but that is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me. Yeah, we can work it out.”

“Good,” said Clary, in a tone that suggested they just sealed a deal. “Want to go get some coffee? I’m freezing.”

“Sounds good to me.”

* * *

“Jocelyn, about Valentine and I…” said Luke, the words feeling cold in his throat.

She and Luke were sitting in Luke’s cell area. He was resting on the bed, Jocelyn sitting on a chair by his bedside. This was the first time they had been alone since he returned to his human body. He was exhausted, but he felt he should at least try to address this. He didn’t think he could say all of what had transpired between himself and Valentine yet, but he could share some.

Jocelyn surprised him by reaching over and clasping Luke’s nearest hand with both of hers, then she looked him dead in the eye.

“You don’t owe me anything concerning Valentine, and as shocking as it sounds, he seems like a changed man.”

“But, Jocelyn-” Luke continued.

“- I mean it.” interrupted Jocelyn, in a tone that brooked no argument. “You had a relationship with him too, he was your parabatai for goodness’ sake. If you feel you need to tell me something later, I’ll be here, but for now, there is nothing you need to say.”

Jocelyn must have seen something on his face, that he wasn’t convinced, because she continued. “You gave me time, after the Accords. You could have pushed me or followed me, but you didn’t. You let me do what I needed to do. Let me do that for you now. Do what you need to do.”

She gave his hand a squeeze before letting it go.

Luke decided to listen to Jocelyn for now. He nodded to her, to let her know he would drop the subject. She nodded back to him.

“I did have another unrelated question about Valentine.” said Jocelyn, in a lighter tone. “About him and myself. And Clary. She is, not surprisingly, confused about him and I.”

“Has she said so to you?”

“Yes, she was quite direct about it after first meeting him. ‘You should have known he was trouble.’” she said, mimicking her daughter. “Between my reintegrating into Idris, and her studies we haven’t had much time to talk about him.

“I want to explain to her why I did what I did, so I’ve been revisiting our marriage, and the more I think about it, the more warning signs I can see. Not his views about Downworlders; I’ve already gone over that ad nauseam, but he and I as a couple.

“Do you remember my friend, Madeline? She was the only one who told me not to marry Valentine. I’ve reconnected with her. She has been kind enough not to say ‘I told you so.’”

“I was so overwhelmingly attracted to him, that I didn’t stop long enough to see if our personalities were suited for marriage, if there was anything underneath that to sustain us. I’d like to say I felt social pressure to marry him and have children, but I didn’t. I was caught up in the romanticism of quickly marrying,

“Do you think I’m being overly critical? You’re the one best suited to tell me, since you knew us both so well at the time. Were we well suited for each other? I want to tell Clary the truth, but sometimes it’s hard to know what the truth is.”

Luke thought back to Jocelyn and Valentine at the time, their personalities. This was different for him, as his memories of their courtship were mostly saturated with sorrow about not being with Jocelyn himself.

“I don’t think Valentine truly comprehended your passion for art. He recognized your skill, but I don’t think he realized it was more than that, it was a need of yours to express that way, and to see other people express themselves that way as well.

“Similarly, Valentine was incredibly interested in self improvement: of the mind, body, and soul. He was always searching, for new ideas and for people and places to test what he learned. You, on the other hand, could easily be happy alone for days with paints and a canvas. That’s not to say you didn’t care for each other.”

Jocelyn looked peaceful. “Thank you. I didn’t really understand that about Valentine or myself when we married. I was young. I knew that others didn’t devote as much time to art as I did, but I didn’t understand that not everyone saw the world they way I did.

“I thought I could convert Valentine somehow, that I could make him see as I did, and he did the same with me. We weren’t understanding each other.”

They paused for a moment.

“Luke, would you mind if I brought Amatis in here now, and asked her the same question?”

“That’s fine.”

Jocelyn stood up, and walked out of the cell area. Luke took the chance to close his eyes. He opened them when he heard the door open and heard their footsteps.

“I’m glad you called me. I was just starting to plan dinner.” said Amatis cheerfully. “Lucian, will you be able to eat tonight?”

“I don’t think I can stay awake until then.”

Amatis put the back of her hand on Luke’s forehead. “You feel alright, but you’re eating breakfast tomorrow.” Luke pursed his lips, which Amatis immediately responded to with, “Get that look off your face.”

Jocelyn started laughing, then changed the subject.

“Amatis, I asked you in here because we were talking about Valentine and myself. Clary has been wondering, to put it bluntly, why I married Valentine, and I wanted to ask your recollections. Do you think Valentine and I were a good match?”

Amatis sighed. “That’s a tough one, Jocelyn.”

“It’s okay. Please tell me what you remember.”

“Well, from what I recall, there was a whole lot of emphasis on how beautiful you were, how beautiful he was, and how beautiful your Nephilim babies would be. Which they are, by the way.”

Jocelyn smiled, amused. “Thanks, that’s a better way of saying it.”

“Better than, ‘You two just wanted to jump each other?’” asked Amatis with a grin. Jocelyn laughed and Amatis joined in, to Luke’s surprise. Jocelyn turned to him and said, “This is what I was trying to tell you. Madeline basically told me the same thing. I’m not the only one who came to this conclusion. I think Clary can read between the lines!”


	19. Chapter 19

Amatis filled Luke in on the status of his shop. When Magnus first arranged for the werewolves to work there, he told Amatis, but they didn’t ask Luke about it, figuring he had enough to deal with. She needed help running it full time, and Magnus liked the opportunity to help out the wolf pack. He also liked the pack owing him a favor. Magnus told them he owned it, and Amatis’ brother ran it normally, but he was on extended leave. They had to say that because Luke and Amatis looked enough alike that regulars wondered if they were brother and sister. Amatis said they were, assuring them Luke was fine.

When Luke returned, they let him decide whether or not he wanted to reveal himself to the pack. Magnus filled him in on what he knew; The alpha, Gabriel; The second, a small fierce woman named Gretel; The third, a strong silent type named Alaric. Their headquarters were in an abandoned police station hidden behind a nonfunctioning Chinese restaurant – The Jade Wolf. They ran a bar called The Hunter’s Moon.

Amatis told him about the two employees – teen girls Maia and Malarie. “Maia’s a bit rough around the edges. She’s got her reasons. She was turned by her ex-boyfriend. Her brother was a piece of work. But, you should have seen her face when I gave her some old books to take home with her. It was like she saw another future for herself.

“It’s good she’s got Malarie, she balances her out. She came from a loving family, she’s still got her heart with her. She acts like a ditz sometimes, but I think it’s a shield. That’s where Maia helps her out, tells her that’s not her.”

“Working at the shop has given them so much confidence. I hope you give them a chance, darling. I’m sweet on them, but I think you will be too, once you get to know them.”

“They’re alright, with you being Nephilim?”

“Magnus put in a good word for me, and of course he would do the same for you. That man has a lot of influence, for all his nonchalance. Are you worried, was that a problem for you in the past?”

“Yes, but I’m also worried about how the alpha- Gabriel will receive me. I was the leader of another pack. Two alphas makes wolves nervous.”

“Oh,” Amatis’ face fell. “I hadn’t thought of that, but I met him, he’s friendly. If he’s smart, he’ll be begging you to join.

“You think I should?”

“I think you’ll want to, once you get to know these kids. And they could really use someone like you; You’re calm, gentle. They don’t get a lot of that. And, there’s room for improvement; their headquarters doesn’t sound like it’s in great shape.”

When Luke agreed to meet them, Amatis was smugly pleased. “You won’t regret this. You’ll see!”

Luke also tested if he could change into a werewolf on demand and return to his human body. He was successful with all three of his attempts, though they tired him out. After a week of 'So far, so good,' Amatis and Luke moved out of Magnus’. “I’m going to miss you two.” Magnus said fondly, after they packed and were ready to leave.

“No, you won’t. You’ll have more time with your beau now.” said Amatis, teasingly.

“Thank you again, Magnus.” said Luke sincerely.

“Good luck to you, Luke.”

“We’ll see you soon, Magnus.” said Amatis.

The siblings walked out with a couple of bags. Luke didn’t have much at Magnus’: his crossbow, the Morgenstern blade, some clothes, toiletries and books. Early on, he had asked Amatis what became of the clothes he’d been wearing originally.

“I burned them. They were ghastly, darling. Especially your jeans. Never do that again.”

Magnus took it upon himself to retrieve Luke’s pick up truck, after Luke explained what he’d done with it. “I just switched it out with another one. No harm done!” announced as he presented it to Luke. That did inspire some questions, but Luke was content to leave it alone. He was truly happy to have it back, and he now took the driver’s seat as Amatis stowed his luggage.

Returning to his house and shop was surreal. Everything looked fine. Amatis kept everything well maintained.

“What do you want for dinner? I’ll cook something. How about some soup?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Go lay down. You’re tired. I’ll get you when dinner’s ready.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

Amatis kissed him on the cheek, then pushed him in the direction of his room.

“Rest now.”

* * *

Then next day Luke met with Gabriel and the girls. He was grateful Amatis was there. She could make friends with anyone. She and Stephen had been quite the pair, as he was the same way. She set up the meeting, told them her brother was actually Lucian Graymark. His name spread around the Downworld after the Accords battle. Gabriel knew of him.

The girls were a bit shy with him, which surprised him, as Amatis told him how tough Maia could be. Gabriel gave him a glance over, but then smiled and reached out his hand. He was friendly, just as Amatis said.

He and Gabriel went into the back to talk, leaving Amatis and the girls running the shop. Gabriel thanked him for employing them. Luke thought of having employees before, but was always too afraid of someone finding out he was a werewolf. He could tell the young ones felt the same. Gabriel echoed Amatis, that working here had done them a world of good, and asked him to consider letting them stay on.

He told Luke how he came to be the pack leader, some history of the pack members. He also asked Luke to meet his second and third, and maybe after that, the rest of the pack. Gabriel left it unsaid, but Luke knew he was being asked to consider joining.

Luke agreed to meet Gretel and Alaric. He was impressed by Gabriel, and he did think he would grow fond of Maia and Malarie. It would be easier if he was part of the pack, but he did want to meet the others, get his own feel for the pack before joining.

So much had changed so quickly. Jocelyn and Clary were back in Idris. He briefly considered joining the Brocelind Forest pack again to be closer to them, and to Amatis. But, he couldn’t do it. That had been the darkest time in his life, leading that pack. He also didn’t think being closer would necessarily let him see Jocelyn and Clary often. He would not be allowed into the capital unless he had special permission and that pack lived nomadically, roaming the woods, hunting for food, living in tents.

Seeing the girls here, and knowing that Amatis and Magnus encouraged him to do this, he wanted to see where this would go. Also, he didn’t want to leave Simon. Magnus told him not to worry about his earlier predicament. If he ever had trouble, to come to him again.

His one remaining concern was Valentine. How would the wolf pack react if they found out he’d been in contact with him? Magnus didn’t seem to care that he too had seen him, and certainly wolves were not the Clave.

He would take things slowly for now.


	20. Chapter 20

With Magnus’ offer to use the cell, Luke and Amatis returned to the warehouse for the next full moon. Luke had been somewhat worried. It was unnerving, being subject to the moon, to the werewolf once again, but Amatis’ presence soothed him, and it went relatively ease fully.

Things at the shop were also going well, and the girls were getting more comfortable with him. He told Amatis he would be alright, for her to return to Idris. She was torn, but agreed to depart. They made arrangements to keep in touch, and she promised to visit soon.

He met with Simon once a week, usually after school. Luke bought him a bite to eat, and listened to his school tales. He and the wolf pack also settled into a rhythm, after meeting Gretel and Alaric, then the other members of the pack at the Hunter’s Moon. He was received well, and Gabriel asked if he would officially join. He said yes, and invited everyone to his farmhouse to celebrate, sealing the deal.

They gave him a tour of headquarters. It was in decent shape, though Luke wanted to do some repairs on it, since it was the permanent home of over half the pack. The restaurant front was in his opinion a wasted opportunity. This was an urban pack, if they wanted to live off the land they wouldn’t be here. He approached Gabriel about re-opening The Jade Wolf as a working restaurant. He had some funds, and if they pooled funds from the bar he thought it could work.

Gabriel said whatever he wanted to do to the police headquarters was fine. As for the Jade Wolf, Gabriel liked the idea, but the place needed a lot of work. Luke started doing repairs himself during the day, starting with the police headquarters, while the girls ran the shop. Other pack members helped when they could.

One evening he was sitting with Gabriel, Alaric and Heidi at headquarters, after doing some painting, about a month after joining the pack.

“Luke, there’s something we’ve wanted to discuss with you. As you can see, I’m getting up there in years. I think it’s time I stepped down as pack leader. I have family down south; I’d like to move back home. I already discussed this with Heidi and Alaric and they are in agreement – I want you to replace me as pack leader.

“You’re well liked; you’ve already done it; you formally being a Shadowhunter is an asset; you’re a skilled fighter; and the impact you’ve had on the pack in this short time is obvious. Frankly, I think it’s a God-send we met when we did. Will you do it?”

Luke paused. He knew he would have Amatis’ and Magnus’ support in this. He did care about these people, and knew the upheaval a change in leadership could bring. The second and third approved and would not challenge him. This couldn’t be more perfect.

“I will, under one condition.”

“Name it.”

“Gretel and Alaric, you cannot call me, ‘Master.’”

Gretel and Alaric exchanged a look, then nodded to each other.

“Will ‘Sir’ suffice?” asked Gretel, in her typically stern voice.

“Yes.”

Gabriel let out a happy yell.

“Call the pack. Meet here, then on to The Hunter’s Moon! Let’s make a night of it!”

The pack responded well. A lot of whooping and hollering. A question. “Does anyone oppose this decision?”

When that was met with silence, Gabriel said, “It’s been an honor. I know I am leaving you in capable hands. I officially step down as pack leader.”

The pack bowed to Gabriel one last time. “Now, show your new leader some respect.” The pack, including Gabriel, moved as one, kneeling in Luke’s direction. Luke raised his hand, and they rose as one.

“Okay, everyone. Let’s get this party started!” said Gabiel happily. The pack piled into a series of vehicles and headed to The Hunter’s Moon.

* * *

Magnus was pleased. “If I told you I hoped from the beginning this would happen, would you accuse me of being too calculating?”

Amatis was happy too. “You tell them, they'll have me to deal with if they get out of line!” He said that wouldn’t go over well with his status as leader. “Excuse me, while I call my big sister.”

“That should scare them even more!”

He had terrible deja vu when Jocelyn met the pack for the first time. When she came out to the Brocelind Forest pack the first time, it had been at once joyous and heartbreaking. It was easier to go on with his new life when he had no reminders of his previous one. This felt much the same. Jocelyn was back as a Shadowhunter, he was leader of a wolf pack, and their life together as exiles was over. At least he hadn’t killed anyone this time.

“You’ll be a terrific pack leader, Luke. You have a great demeanor for it. They’re lucky to have you.” said Jocelyn, with a hint of sadness.

* * *

His days became busy. Meeting with pack members. The young ones ran the shop during the day. Luke sent them home around five and worked the final few hours of the day himself. He spent his mornings and afternoons working on the Chinese restaurant and the police headquarters.

After work, he often went to the Hunter’s Moon to mingle with pack members, checking in on everyone. He and Amatis were keeping in touch with letters - he wrote on his day off or in the mornings before work.

He and Magnus saw each other somewhat regularly now. Partly for business – they shared information on the Downworld – but staying at his property for months had been quite the icebreaker.

Luke also got to visit with the Lightwood’s, when they invited him to to the New York Institute. They introduced their two youngest: Isabelle and Maxwell, and he saw Alexander as a grown man; Magnus had been shocked when Luke told him he met Alexander as an infant.

Luke thanked Maryse and Robert for keeping his secret.

“It was the least we could do for you. I speak for us both when I say we are sorry we abandoned you, after you were turned.” said Robert.

“We’ve all gone through something, it seems. You both raised three exceptional children regardless.”

“You are too kind.” replied Maryse.

“But, Robert, what happened? All of your children look exactly like Maryse.” They actually laughed.

“I always did wear the pants in this marriage.” Maryse joked.

“I am not complaining. My beautiful children take after my beautiful wife.”

“By the Angel! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two flirt with each other!” said Isabelle theatrically. “And, just so you know, things are changing, even amongst Shadowhunters. Alec is dating Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, and I’ve dated Downworlders too. Who knows, I might be dating one of your wolves soon.”

Luke spoke with Hodge as well. “Hodge is like family to us. He’s been our tutor.” said Alexander proudly. “I still am, Alexander. There’s always something new to learn. Lucian, you’ll have to stop by again.”

Luke promised he would. He knew all too well what it was like to be trapped. Though Hodge’s was beautiful, it was still a cage.

* * *

The Chinese restaurant was coming along nicely. The book shop was running fine. He’d sold antiques for awhile, but it got to be too much shopping for them and managing the store. Now that he had help, he considered starting it up again. He had fond memories of driving around with Clary in the summer and on weekends to estate sales.

As he was sitting at his kitchen table thinking about it, his young employees home for the evening, he heard, then saw a familiar raven knocking at his window. Was he finally hearing from Valentine? Magnus and the Lightwoods had advised Valentine not to come into town for awhile – Magnus confided to him later.

He remembered Valentine’s solo visit to him when he was a werewolf – Magnus had made an exception for that. That was the last time they had been in contact, and it had been difficult to see or hear him. He fought, but didn’t succeed in giving an affirmative signal to Valentine that he knew he was there.

He went outside and retrieved the message. The raven followed him in. It was from Valentine.

“Congratulations on your new appointment. Would you join me at The Riverview next Friday at 9?”

Luke was momentarily surprised at Valentine’s intel, then brought his attention back to the matter at hand. The Riverside was an extremely expensive restaurant. It took months to get a reservation. Luke had never been there himself. The dress code was formal. He found himself momentarily intimidated by that, then laughed to himself. After everything he had been through, he was scared to put on a suit?

He thought he would feel excited when he heard from Valentine again, but instead he felt adrift. It had been over five months since the nights they talked together, and the final night felt completely removed from him. Even lying in his bed, where they laid together, didn’t spark any reality of what happened.

Magnus was the only other person who knew, at least he hoped he was. Magnus had not asked him about Valentine, though he often confided in him about his relationship with Alexander Lightwood.

Luke picked up a pen. “Thank you. I will join you. I will meet you there.” He attached the message to the raven’s leg, opened the door and watched the raven flew away.


	21. Chapter 21

It turned out Magnus was throwing a party that Friday. Maia and Malarie were happily discussing it at work the day of. They asked him for the following day off, and they would come in on Sunday instead, normally their day off. He agreed, bidding them to have a good time.

He closed the shop fifteen minutes early to get ready for his own evening plans. He laid out his clothes that morning. Trousers, waistcoat, and suit jacket all in blue. A white dress shirt and a gray tie. Cufflinks. Brown leather shoes. He put on a black wool pea coat he’d found at an estate sale, along with a scarf, gloves, and a hat. There was a chill wind tonight.

The exterior of the building was beautifully lit. Inside the entrance hall, he went to the coat check. He handed over his outer gear, taking the ticket from the attendant. Then, he approached the hostess, giving her the name Valentine told him the reservation was under. She checked, nodded, then lead him through the double doors to the dining room.

There was a large first floor open eating area: gleaming wood floors, tables with candles and white linen, all occupied. A string quartet played on a raised platform off to the side.

He was led to a grand stairwell that accessed the balcony. Upon closer inspection, he saw it was cordoned off, an attendant allowing or denying entry. The hostess nodded to the young woman, and she removed the velvet gate. Once he got to the top of the stairs, he saw the second floor was arranged differently; The tables were more private; an open bar occupying the far wall. Full length windows on the outside wall, he glimpsed an outdoor seating area, but it was closed for winter.

Luke caught sight of Valentine, chatting with a small group at the bar, and felt a rush of affection for him, knowing that he’d been here waiting. The host announced Luke’s arrival and Valentine looked up. He was even more elegantly dressed than usual, in a black tuxedo, with a black bow tie and black dress shoes. He’d had passing thoughts about this, but seeing Valentine dressed to the nines, and Luke wearing his version of the same; was this a date? He did not want to assume.

The group at the bar looked distinctly displeased when Valentine excused himself, walking over to Luke and to their table. They exchanged greetings and took their seats.

“Do you come here often?” asked Luke.

“You are wondering how I got this table. Let us just say someone owed me a favor.” Valentine answered obliquely, then changed the subject. “I hear you are renovating The Jade Wolf. Tell me about that. Also, who named it?”

It was unexpectedly challenging, with odd surprises. Rat skeletons in the wall, faulty wiring. Tile floors under tile floors, but it was satisfying, and he could tell it endeared him to the pack. He told Valentine about the work, but left the pack out of it. Valentine did not ask him any direct questions about the pack, which Luke appreciated. He already decided before this he would keep pack matters private. A waiter came by with appetizers. Valentine must have ordered them earlier.

Valentine was also curious about the book business. How did Luke go about picking out books, even minutiae about it; how did he organize them, how did he pick his business hours. Closed on Mondays. “That was Jocelyn’s idea, was it not? That sounds like her brand of humor.” Monday, Moon-day. It was, and Jocelyn always got a chuckle out of it.

Luke wondered about Valentine’s life. Distantly, he was aware of many things he could ask , but he kept hesitating and he wasn’t sure why. All of them weren’t appropriate for this setting, but many were. Finally, he settled on asking Valentine about places he had been. Valentine had always wanted to travel, and Luke figured he had plenty of opportunity.

The group from the bar stopped by on their way out. One couple talked with Luke briefly, while the rest talked with Valentine. The couple relaxed when he said Valentine and he had gone to school together; That that was how they met. He sighed internally. Was it always like this with him and Valentine, and he just hadn’t wanted to see it? Were they so disparate that it gave people pause whenever they were together?

There were two beautiful women in the group talking with Valentine, and their interest in him was unmistakeable. Luke heard them ask Valentine to join them at a party later that night. Valentine politely declined. Still, one handed Valentine her business card, with a wink and a smile.

“Poor Martina.” said Annette, the woman Luke was speaking with. “She just can’t help herself. Was it like this when you two were in school together?”

“It was.”

“Well, I for one do not miss the dating scene. Good evening to you, Luke.” Annete replied, hooking her arm through her companion’s.

“Good evening to you as well.” Luke echoed back.

Luke and Valentine sat back down as the group made their way to the staircase. Their main meal arrived shortly after. The food was delicious: incredibly rich and artistically presented. When they had finished, they ordered dessert.

This was dreamlike. The setting contributed – he hadn’t been in such a formal venue, and so fancifully dressed, since Idris – but even as they continued speaking, with Valentine right in front of him, he couldn’t shake this sense of unreality.

After they finished dessert, Luke wondered about the check. Nothing on the menu had prices, but to his surprise, they were were never presented a bill. “Shall we be on our way?” Valentine asked.

“The bill?” asked Luke in return, confused.

“It is already taken care of.” said Valentine smoothly, though a hint of a smile came out.

“Alright.” said Luke, too flustered to say anything more.

The restaurant was still crowded as they walked out. They got their coats and headed out into the brisk night air, leaving the music and voices behind. There was a path along the waterfront, and a look out point, a good ways away from the restaurant doors. They headed over to it, and watched the water. They were standing in the shadow between lights, and a fog was rolling in to shore.

“Thank you, for dinner. Or should I thank whoever owed you?”

Valentine chuckled. “She still owes me,” and he once again changed subjects. “It is strange you ended up in the city that never sleeps, Lucian. You were always more content in the countryside.”

“I still am. That’s where I spent most of my time, before I settled here.”

“Thank you, for helping Jonathan that night. He is capable, but his arrogance often gets the better of him. I thanked you when you were incapacitated, but I do not know if you heard me.” Luke noted his subtle wording, and followed suit.

“I knew you were there, but not what you were saying. Like I was underwater. I couldn’t break the surface.”

“I assumed with your ascendancy, but you are well?”

“I am, amazingly. Magnus and Amatis had two young ones working at my shop when I was not well. I wouldn’t have chosen to be the leader so quickly, but the previous leader was stepping down.”

“Oh? Magnus orchestrated this? I see why, it is a wise move on his part. I too would want an ally to lead a rival faction, and you will have his support as well.”

Luke thought when they left the restaurant, the dreamlike feeling would go away, but it had actually intensified, and he was starting to feel alarmed by it. He wanted to broach what had happened the last night they were together in person. Valentine had not made any allusions to it this evening. Even though he was with Valentine in the flesh, he felt a distance between them he couldn’t traverse.

They had talked so openly that night, but so much had happened, between then and now. Still, he wanted to try. It had felt right that night. It still felt right, even though it felt removed from him. Though that remove helped him say this so directly.

“Valentine, I don’t regret what happened the last time we saw each other. Do you?”

Valentine turned to look at him. It was hard to read his expression in the low light and the fog.

“I do not.” Valentine replied simply.

“Are you going to be in the area for long? Could we see each other again?”

“Are you available two nights from now?”

“I am.”

They arranged a time and place to meet. Luke smiled. He saw Valentine smile too. As they were getting ready to part, Luke looked around. There was no one in sight, and they were hidden by the dark and the fog. He normally would not do this, but he wanted to try one final attempt to ground himself. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Valentine’s, pulling away after a heartbeat.

“Goodnight, Valentine.”

“Goodnight, Lucian.”

They walked back to the main road, then headed in opposite directions. Whatever he’d been hoping to accomplish with that kiss, it hadn’t worked. He felt more than disconnected; he felt insubstantial, as if he were not even here.


	22. Chapter 22

Luke ran the shop by himself Saturday. While he felt comfortable doing so, he liked Maia and Malarie to work together. They could back each other up if someone came in giving them a hard time, and they kept each other company. In the evening, he visited with the pack at the Hunter’s Moon, and left with his spirits greatly raised.

Maia and Mallory arrived Sunday morning at nine for their shift. They looked slightly worse for wear, but seemed happy. He knew how rarely they got a chance to have fun with people outside of the pack without worrying about being found out.

“That was some party!” said Maia.

“You two had a good time then?”

“Totally!” Mallory chimed in.

“And there was no trouble with any of us, Boss! Even with Camille and Raphael there.” added Maia.

Luke had met Camille, the leader of the local vampire nest, and Raphael, her second in command. Raphael was no nonsense. He and Luke got along well. Camille was more outrageous, but her vampires were content. There hadn’t been any trouble from her nest.

He left to work at The Jade Wolf, and Duffy met him there. Duffy and Bat, two young men in the pack, sometimes popped into the book shop to say hi to the girls. Duffy worked construction jobs; Bat at The Hunter’s Moon.

He was back by five to relieve the girls and closed at eight. Had dinner, took a quick shower, then got ready to meet with Valentine. He hadn’t given himself much downtime, but as he went out the door, he felt the shift from his day life and rosy dealings with the pack, to his illusory nighttime visits with his former parabatai.

* * *

Valentine stood waiting in a small park, dressed warmly in a wool coat with matching hat, scarf and gloves, and leather boots. It was cold tonight, colder than two nights ago. There was little wind. The sky was clear of clouds, though the light from the city shone too bright to see stars.

He was early, and as such, witnessed Lucian’s approach. They agreed to meet here because Lucian’s home location was now known by many in the Downworld and the Clave. He did not risk meeting there again.

He preferred the privacy of Lucian’s home, but was pleased with his choice to meet at The Riverside. He wanted a neutral place to test the waters before progressing further.

There was something uncanny about Lucian, from the moment he first saw him at the restaurant. He ran through ideas. He knew dinner was formal for Lucian, but he had seen him at formal events before and had not noticed this. He briefly wondered if he blamed him for all that had happened after their meeting, but he agreed to meet, and he sensed no anger from him. He considered Lucian felt awkward because they had sex, but he told him point blank he did not regret it. Many dramatic events had occurred in Lucian’s life since that night. Did one or all of those relate to now, and if so, how?

The kiss goodnight was most telling. Lucian, when he had kissed him – and as he could see in hindsight, throughout the evening – lacked density. Valentine had always admired Lucian’s unwavering stability, it was one of the reasons he asked him to be his parabatai. To not sense that from him was deeply disturbing, and there was a dissonance between his energy and his actions. He had groomed himself, dressed properly, arrived on time, conversed for an entire meal, said he did not regret having sex, inquired if they could meet again, only to vacantly kiss him.

Valentine appraised him now. Lucian was dressed casually. Jeans, a large down coat, insulated gloves, work boots, a soft hat.

“Have you been here long?” Lucian asked.

“About ten minutes.”

They began to walk, by silent agreement. They had not made specific plans for this evening, just to meet here. Lucian had a fey quality tonight as well, even just walking as they were.

“There are plenty of cafes and restaurants around here.” Lucian said after a time.

“I had another idea in mind. Would you like to see where I am staying?”

Lucian paused for a moment. “I have been curious. Yes, is it close by?”

“I have a car. We will drive.”

* * *

“This is like something out of a story.” said Lucian, looking up at the huge building looming before them.

“It is quite fanciful. I agree.” Valentine replied, as he stepped forward, walked up the stone steps and pushed in the front doors of the former Renwick’s Asylum, originally the residence of a Shadowhunter family, the Blackwell’s.

“This is a well kept secret. I had no idea this was here, not even rumors. The glamours are strong. Even when you told me to look through them, it took effort.”

“I do not know why this place was abandoned by the Blackwells, but I have increased the protections while I am here.” said Valentine as they crossed over the threshold. He knelt down, grabbing a lantern from the floor, lighting the candle within it, and handed it to Lucian. Then he took out a witch-light stone from his pocket and commanded it to glow.

“It has been kept up somewhat. It is known amongst select circles. Some of the rooms have electricity, but most do not. The plumbing is functional, but the heat works poorly.”

They were standing in a grand entrance hall, with a central spiral staircase, leading to the upper floors.

“Care to take a look around?” asked Valentine casually.

The first floor looked much as it had originally. There was a formal dining room and living room. A kitchen. Studies, offices, even a ballroom, though all were empty.

The basement had a secret area only a Shadowhunter with a stele could access, though that was empty as well.

The second floor was more empty rooms, bedrooms where patients would have stayed. The third floor was different: A bathroom with towels, fully furnished bedrooms, a study with seating, tables, a stocked fireplace. They had not spoken much as they looked around. There was something haunting in seeing Lucian walk around this place. He and it matched each other in their emptiness.

They returned to the study. The furniture here was all dark wood, with tile flooring. A Persian rug was laid out in front of the fireplace. “Is that a chess board?” asked Lucian. “Want to play a game?”

They occasionally played chess in Alicante. It was neither of their favorite game, but Valentine picked up the board and set it on a small table with two chairs, gesturing for Lucian to sit. He lit the fire place while Lucian set the pieces. There was no electricity in this room. They played by candle, fire, and witch light.

Lucian won. Valentine knocked over his king.

“Did you let me win?”

He had not, but he was distracted. Lucian was present enough to play a fairly complicated strategy game, but he felt he was playing a shadow.

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t feel like I was very present while we played. I’m surprised I won.”

Curious. He had wondered how aware of this Lucian was, but now he had just come out and said it, albeit talking about a chess game. Lucian was a very private person, and did not wear his emotions out in the open. His expressions were subtle, and most people could not read him well. Valentine had never had that problem, and right now, he knew Lucian was frustrated.

“Come sit on the couch with me. It is closer to the fire.” The fire had warmed the room enough that Valentine felt comfortable taking off his outer garments. He left them hanging over his chair at the chess table. Lucian removed his coat and gloves, but kept his hat on, and they sat down together.

The couch cushions were covered in blue velvet, and the couch back and arms were curved, carved wood. Valentine waited while Lucian finished taking off his coat, then they walked over together, sitting within arms reach of each other.

“Valentine, did you have any sense of foreboding about us becoming parabatai?”

Even more curious. Such an intense question.

“Do you mean an omen? Some knowing of how it would end? I did not.”

“The morning of our ceremony, I was upset. I had had a dream. I couldn’t remember it well, but I felt like it would end badly, us being parabatai, specifically for myself.”

“Is that why Amatis was holding your arm when you arrived at the Council building?” He had noted that, but left them to their privacy.

“Yes. She didn’t know what to make of me. I didn’t either. I didn’t tell her that exactly, but I told her I was upset about the ceremony. She asked if I had doubts about going through with it. I told her I didn’t. That confused her even more.”

“Were you telling her the truth?”

“Yes. The idea I couldn’t shake was – it would end badly for me, but it would be worse not to go through with it.”

“Knowing how it turned out, I cannot say you were wrong. But, the second part, ‘It would be worse not to.’ Do you believe that still?”

“If you had not been my parabatai, I would not have been so keen to stop you at the Accords. If I hadn’t been so close to you, seen how you were changing, I wouldn’t have believed you could do what you did.”

“So, a sacrifice for the greater good?”

“Something like that.”

“I had a dream that I believe was a premonition, though I did not at the time I had it.”

“What was the dream?”

“It was about you and I. I had it shortly after you were turned. We were in your dormitory at the Institute in Alicante. We were the ages we would have been at the time of the dream; I 23, you 22. It was night, the moon was out. I stood at the window. I could see the cherry tree blooming in the courtyard. I was unclothed.

“I turned and saw you lying in the bed. You were barely covered by the sheet, and I could see you were unclothed as well. I knew we had just been physically intimate, in the way one knows things in dreams.

“I then realized the moon was full, and I knew you should be a werewolf, but you were not. You opened your eyes and smiled at me. That was the end of the dream.”

Lucian looked at him intently. “What did you make it?”

“I confess it disturbed me, but I remembered it vividly, and the memory of it did not fade. I explained it away as grief. A fantasy where you were not a werewolf. As for the sex, I did not give much thought to it. Jocelyn and I were trying for a child at the time. To ease my mind, I also explained it as grief.

“When you first kissed me, I thought of that dream, that maybe its meaning was more obvious than I had first imagined.”

“That we would be intimate?’

“Yes, but it was more than that. In the dream you did not change during the full moon. Obviously you do in real life, but what I needed to realize was that even though your nature had been altered, your essential self was the same. When I realized that, and I told you I had, we were intimate.”

“We were.” said Lucian, quietly. “Being here, in this place, reminds me of Alicante.”

Valentine placed his right arm over the back of the sofa, leaned closer, brought his left hand up to hold the side of Lucian’s face, turning his face,and kissed him gently on the lips. The kiss after dinner added clarity; he wanted to see if now it would bring further clarity, for he was still frustrated Lucian felt out of range.

Lucian returned the kiss, but with even less force than Valentine initiated it with. The previous kiss goodnight had been a mere touching of lips, but tonight Lucian reached his left hand up to hold his face.

“Neither here nor there.” He thought while they kissed, and a theory came to mind. He chided himself for not thinking of it earlier. Lucian’s perpetual steadiness had worked against him in this case.

Amatis told him of his suicide method, the herb to rob the werewolf of its healing abilities, the wound location. He didn’t know which thigh he had cut, but Lucian was right handed, and he thought he would have cut across his body, his left thigh.

Lucian’s left thigh was closest to him. He would only have to bring his left hand down from his face. He kissed him a bit longer before lowering his hand to rest atop his left knee, his inner knee, then sliding it up his inner thigh.

Lucian’s response was immediate. He froze, stopped kissing, stopped breathing, then pulled back. At first it was not noticeable, but he was having increasingly violent abdominal spasms. He stood, grabbed the lantern and quickly made his way to the hall, presumably to the bathroom. Valentine sighed, realized the spasms were Lucian attempts to stop himself from gagging.

He was relieved to have broken through the distance, but he had not anticipated such a dramatic reaction.

He waited ten minutes before rising. Lucian’s hat had fallen onto the floor by the sofa. Valentine moved it off balance when they were kissing. He picked it up, along with Lucian’s coat. The bathroom was cold, especially at night.

He left the study and walked down the hallway with the aid of his witch-light. He stood outside the closed bathroom door and knocked. “Lucian?”

He heard movement, then watched the door swing open and Lucian appeared, pale – though it was difficult to gauge color in this light – slightly hunched over, with a cold sweat along his hair line.

“Were you feeling ill earlier this evening?” Valentine doubted it, but he wanted to be thorough.

“Did you touch me there on purpose?” he asked instead.

“I did, and I will discuss that with you, but will you first answer my question?”

“I felt strange.”

“Did you vomit just now?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel you will again?”

“Yes.” Lucian paused, then asked. “Is that my coat?”

He passed his coat and hat to him. “I know it is cold in here. I will check on you again. I will be by the fire.”

Another twenty minutes passed. Just as Valentine was going to get up, he heard approaching footsteps. He turned, and saw Lucian walk in, wearing his coat. He took a seat next to him on the sofa.

“Do you feel better?”

“You know that’s where I cut myself?”

“Yes. Are you sure you want to discuss this now? I can drive you home, if you like. I was not expecting you to react in that manner. I apologize.”

“I don’t think I’ll vomit again. I know my reaction was drastic, and I know I’ve been strange, but, I’m embarrassed to say this, I can’t think. Would you tell me what you were thinking?”

“You went through a great trauma, Lucian. You were being forced out of yourself, then you were between life and death. You were brought back against your will. When you tried to come back to yourself you could not. That is what I have sensed with you; you are caught in between. Neither here nor there. I thought I could bring you back, touching your scar.”

“You and your hunches.”

“Lucian, why did you use the Morgenstern blade?”

“Did Amatis tell you that?”

“Yes.”

“It felt predetermined. It didn’t occur to me to use any other way. I seriously considered killing myself with it in Brocelind Forest. I used it in the fight with the Brocelind pack leader, a fight I did not expect to win. I had it on me during our second meeting at my house. I wasn’t convinced you weren’t going to kill me. I associate it with my death.”

“You did not have it on you during our next meeting.”

“No, I didn’t. You didn’t have any weapon on you either. Unless it was in your jacket.”

“I carried no weapon with me.”

“Did you really trust me that much?”

“You are a kinder person than I am, and you trusted me too. You trusted me coming to dinner, coming here tonight.”

“I’ve been upset with myself. I waited so long to see you, and now that we are together, I’m like this.”

“I was distracted by it at first, but now that we know why, be kind to yourself. Besides, it thrills me to know you have waited for me.”

“I didn’t think you had lied, but when you had to leave the day after, I wondered if you weren’t interested.”

“The timing was unfortunate, in many ways.”

“You are interested still?”

“Yes. Have I caused you to doubt?”

”I haven’t put my best foot forward. I just ran to vomit while we were kissing. You saw me lose control. I tried to kill myself, got stuck as a werewolf. I’m the leader of a wolf pack now. I wasn’t sure how you would feel about that.” Lucian paused, then looked away, into the fire. “I sobbed after we had sex.”

That was gut wrenching to witness, but not entirely surprising. Lucian often held his feelings in check, mostly to his own detriment.

“Let us move to the car now.” said Valentine, moving to stand. He walked to the table, put on his outer garments, then picked up Lucian’s gloves and walked back, handing them to him.

“Valentine?”

“I am aware this is abrupt. I will explain as we walk.”

Lucian took his gloves, put them on, then stood. They made their was to the stairs, He carrying his witch-light, Lucian the lantern. Valentine spoke. “It is getting late, you do not feel well. I do not care about anything you just mentioned in regards to our having a romantic relationship.”

He stopped on the second floor landing, Lucian stopping as well. Some light from the city came through the picture window, but it was quiet here. “Though we could not have known what was to come, I did have regrets, when I learned what happened to you in my absence. That I could have spent those last few hours with you and I did not.”

“Like you said, you couldn’t have known.” Lucian’s pallor and downcast eyes belied his casual tone.

“Still.” said Valentine, reaching his gloved hand forward and sweeping a lock of hair away from Lucian’s brow. “I am driving you home because I have wanted to bed you for months. If we were to continue this conversation, I inevitably will want to do more than converse. “

Lucian reached forward and took hold of Valentine’s hand with his own, and looked him in the eye. There was a soft smile on his face and fondness in his eyes as he said “I love you.” It was the most present Valentine had felt him to be these past two evenings.

“And I, you. Yet, surely you are testing my patience.“


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains Mature content.

Luke took his time getting up the next morning. It was his day off. He still felt nauseous, but worked on some book keeping. He wanted to rest, so no work at The Jade Wolf today, but he did feel well enough to shop for supplies. He also stopped in at the pharmacy.

During the party celebrating his ascendancy as pack leader, Gabriel took him aside. “This really is a family. You know how it is, you can’t always stay with your birth family after something like this. A lot of us come from tough backgrounds. What I’m trying to say is, a lot of the cubs, and even some of the older wolves, really need a father figure. Gretel and Alaric are great at discipline and are fiercely loyal, but neither of them are the warm and fuzzy type. If you can, take the cubs under your wing.”

Some of the older pack members had expressed similar concerns about the young ones. Natasha was most blunt. “You may need to reign ‘em in about sex. We don’t need any babies running around here. You give ‘em the talk if you have to.”

Not all pack members had steady employment, and he made sure the young ones had birth control. He’d asked Natasha to talk to the girls, but she turned him down. “No can do, Boss. They’d think I’m a buzzkill. They’ll listen to you.”

None of them were young enough that he had to explain the basics but he did tell them he bought birth control, told them to keep it on them, especially when they went to one of Magnus’ parties. He left it at the Hunter’s Moon, and checked and restocked as needed. He’d been surprised that the young ones confided in him they were scared about losing control during intimate moments.

“Has that like, ever happened to you? You turned or started turning while doing it? I’d be so embarrassed I’d want to die!” wailed Malarie.

“That’s why I like hooking up with Downworlders. It’d suck if it happened, but hey – at least they’d already know I was a werewolf.” added Bat.

Luke told them that had never happened to him. That rage or deep pain were what had triggered his uncontrolled changes, not passion. He told them he had never told a Mundane he was dating he was a werewolf. That it was difficult to have to hide, but only they could decide who they wanted to be with.

He needed to restock. While in the aisle, he saw the personal lubricants. He remembered his and Valentine’s first time. What Valentine had said last night. He normally didn’t feel embarrassed buying the birth control, but now he realized that was because it wasn’t personal. He wasn’t buying for himself.

He schooled his features and took a bottle of lubricant off the shelf, without thinking any further what he intended to use it for. He paid and left the pharmacy, stopping by The Hunter’s Moon to chat with the wolves who were working. It was mid afternoon, but it would get crowded here later. He told them not to expect him tonight.

Valentine and he had agreed to meet tonight, earlier since he didn’t have to work. Valentine told him this would be his last night in the area, and he’d asked to stay the night with him at Renwick’s. Valentine agreed, and he had an overnight bag packed with toiletries, a change of clothes, and now, his recent purchase.

* * *

Valentine stood outside of Renwick’s, well past sunset, the nights were long this time of year. There wasn’t much outside the building. Overgrown hedges, a few trees. The people who used this place enjoyed some style, hence the furnishings on the third floor, but this place was only a temporary location. A place to hide in plain sight. He had taken care of his business here. Met with contacts, exchanged information and favors.

He saw Lucian’s truck approaching, watched him park, then open the door and hop down.

“Good evening, Valentine.” Luke said as he approached, a smile on his face. He was wearing his down jacket and work boots again, carrying a duffel bag. He felt predatory at the sight of him.

“Good evening. Come inside.”

They walked in through the front doors. He turned on his witch-light, and once again handed Lucian the lantern, hyper aware of of his hand, even through their gloves, close to his own. They headed directly upstairs to the study. He had a fire going already. There was too much stone for it to be pleasant, but it was tolerable.

He removed his coat and gloves, while Lucian did the same. He seemed better tonight; his color had returned. After observing Lucian on and off a year before approaching him, Valentine knew he regularly looked haggard. He hadn’t looked that way when they were younger. While never brimming over with passion, Lucian had looked well and he saw that in him again the night they had been intimate. The flush invigorated him, he had looked positively glowing. Valentine hoped to see him that way again later this evening, but for now, he indicated to the chess board.

“A rematch? I would like to improve upon yesterday’s performance.”

“Alright.” agreed Lucian.

He was somewhat interested in the match, but he had suggested it mainly because he felt it would be crass to invite Lucian to bed immediately upon his arrival. But there was no doubt – in either of their mind’s – that was their destination tonight.

He had been pleased Lucian wanted to stay the night. Asking him ahead of time, so forthright, was not something Valentine was used to, but it matched Lucian’s personality. He had found it refreshing when they were young. Lucian had a deep sense of who he was, and Valentine admired that in him. He wondered if it was from spending so much time alone as a child.

Lucian had told him he would often spend hours by himself wandering through the woods around the cabin he and Amatis grew up in. Even when he was with Jocelyn, he said one of their favorite things to do together, that Jocelyn later confirmed, was to wander through the woods, she with her sketch pad and pencils, and find a clearing to sit in. Jocelyn drew to her heart’s content, with Lucian her silent companion:

“It actually turned quite embarrassing for us; my parents thought we were exploring ‘something else,’ together in the woods. My father took Lucian aside and explained to him about the birds and the bees, while my mother did the same with me. I was horrified. Amatis still teases us about it.”

Despite his only partial commitment to the game, he did improve, winning the match. Valentine felt Lucian’s eyes on him, and turned to face him. To his surprise, Lucian had a slight blush.

“Could we go to your bedroom now?” he asked.

Valentine smiled. “My thoughts, exactly.” He needed no persuasion, and he picked up his witch-light, Lucian his outerwear and duffel bag. Upon seeing that, he picked up his outerwear as well. They would not be coming back in this room tonight, and Valentine doused the fire, then led the way out to the hall, turning right. The door to study was directly off the stairs. There were four furnished bedrooms on this floor. He was staying in his favorite room here, at the end of the hall.

He pushed open the bedroom’s heavy oak double doors. There was a fireplace that shared the wall the doors were on. He had lit it earlier. It took the chill off. The floor was stone, the furniture the same dark wood as the study. There was a love seat and chair with a low table in front of the picture window on the right wall. On the far wall was an attached bathroom and the headboard of a four poster bed.

Valentine placed his outer wear on top of a dresser, then lit candles for light, some on the fireplace mantle, and he placed one on the bedside table as Lucian looked around the room. He had said last night this place reminded him of Idris, and Valentine agreed. It was part of the limited appeal of staying here, the only other benefit being its central location.

Lucian walked to the chair, placing his things down on it, as Valentine walked to the left side of the bed, flipping the heavy quilt and wool blankets back. Lucian approached from the other side, after placing his glasses down on the nightstand. Valentine laid down, and when Lucian came close, he reached for and pulled him on top. He kept one leg bent up and pressed firmly against Lucian’s side.

After last night, he did not want to jar him by touching his thigh, or anywhere near it. Valentine had determined to keep his ministrations mainly to Lucian’s torso, though it frustrated him to do so.

Once Lucian was balanced, Valentine secured one arm up around his waist, the other around his shoulder, placing his hand on the nape of his neck. His heat was welcome in this drafty place. Lucian leaned down and they kissed, Valentine running his tongue along the seam of Lucian’s lips. He felt Lucian’s quick intake of air through his nose. He pressed on, his tongue touching Lucian’s front teeth, Lucian having parted his lips enough to allow him to do so. Valentine then started pushing between Lucian’s top and bottom teeth.

Lucian pulled away briefly, readjusting himself so that he was putting his weight on his forearms, then leaned down and kissed Valentine again, taking Valentine’s lower lip between his teeth gently, eventually feeling his tongue against his own.

Lucian eventually pulled away, sitting back on his knees. He gripped the bottom of Valentine’s wool sweater. Together they maneuvered until Valentine was free of it and his thermal silk base layer. Lucian started undoing the buttons of his flannel shirt, and he pulled off the cotton thermal underneath that, leaving them both bare chested. Valentine refrained from touching him while he did so, instead watching the flex of Lucian’s chest and abdominal muscles in the firelight.

Valentine had slept with a few men in the past, but it had been mostly for curiosity’s sake. He had been exclusively with women for years now.

He was aware of the effect he had on others. He enjoyed the feeling of power it gave him, and he enjoyed sex in general. He liked the give and take of energy, liked to see people stripped down, revealing their base selves, but these encounters were not intimate, nor were they ever intended to be. The people he slept with were attracted to him superficially: his looks, his charisma, his intelligence, a certain essence even, and he had been similarly attracted to them.

Lucian was with him tonight having seen him at his best and his worst, having known and interacted with him for years. There was nothing superficial about this.

Lucian grabbed the pile of shirts and let them drop off the side of the bed. Then Lucian leaned down and kissed Valentine on the side of his neck. He gripped the back of Lucian’s head threading his fingers through his hair. Lucian’s hair had always been unmanageable, and he liked the texture of it. With his other hand he felt along Lucian’s back.

“Are you trying to send me a message, Lucian?”

Lucian stopped what he was doing and looked up. He looked genuinely confused. “What do you mean?”

“Having me bare my throat to you?”

Lucian’s reply was hesitant. “No, I wasn’t trying to do that.”

That had been a poor choice on his part, but he had been caught up in the moment. It occurred to him that Lucian had never had a lover who knew he was a werewolf. What a strange twist of fate, that he was the first.

“I am only teasing. Please, continue.”

To further emphasize that, he pulled Lucian’s head back down, and gripped his back more tightly.

Lucian kissed his neck once more, but he did not linger there, instead he started moving lower, kissing the base of his neck, then making a straight line down Valentine’s chest. Valentine hummed his approval.

Lucian kept going until he got to the waistband of Valentine’s pants.

“Let me up for a moment.” said Valentine.

Lucian moved back towards the foot of the bed. Valentine sat up and stood from the bed. He removed his belt and pants and baselayer, feeling Lucian’s attention on him as he did so. He had not felt like struggling to remove his trousers in the bed, but he also wanted to send Lucian the suggestion to remove his own jeans. He thought it best to let Lucian decide when he wanted to reveal himself. That was why he had not touched him when he removed his shirt, nor did Valentine plan on removing any of Lucian’s clothing tonight.

He grabbed hold of Lucian and turned him so he was lying on his back with Valentine hovering above him. Valentine pulled the covers over them, then brought his arms under and around Lucian’s shoulders, lifting them up so that they rested on Valentine’s forearms. Lucian wrapped his arms around Valentine’s shoulders in return, as Valentine had hoped he would.

Valentine pressed into him and kissed him, chests flush. He was satisfied, feeling when Lucian pressed up against him to take breath, and in this new position his breathing rate had increased.

Valentine pulled up eventually, and Lucian withdrew his arms, then reached down to undo his belt and jeans. Lucian had no other layer on underneath, but having felt Lucian’s jeans, he knew there were heavier than normal, lined with flannel most likely. Lucian dropped his clothes over the side of the bed, then moved closer to Valentine, lying on his side.

Valentine turned on his side as well, and as they began kissing again, he enjoyed the feeling of so much skin against skin.

Valentine could tell much about a person after sleeping with them. How genuine they had been in earlier meetings with him. It was difficult to hide anything during such a focused, intense interaction as sex.

Lucian was much as he expected him to be, and getting to know each other in this way felt much the same as when they first got to know each other as teenagers. Lucian was reserved, but his presence was strong. He had not opened up immediately, but once they established their friendship, Lucian was loyal, honest, quietly giving.

Valentine thought they had established a good connection with each other, so to suddenly feel Lucian’s energy give out, as though he had fallen, was startling. He checked to see if Lucian had physically shifted, but he had not.

Lucian kissed him again, but the difference was immense. Valentine rolled them so he was once again straddling Lucian, and leaned down to kiss him again. It didn’t change anything; Lucian’s movements were slower, softer, that previous lack of density. Then, to his surprise, Lucian spoke.

“Valentine-” Lucian sounded as if he were in mid thought, and Valentine waited for him to finish. Instead of continuing, Lucian let go of his holds on Valentine, then he turned himself over, so that he was laying on his stomach, then turned his head to look up at Valentine.

“Can we try this again? I brought lubricant with me; it’s in my bag. Let me up and I’ll get it.”

This only added further to Valentine’s confusion. He was almost positive Lucian had no awareness that his being had shifted so drastically, but he was aroused and overcome Lucian wanted this.

As he stated last night, he had wanted to do this again since their first night together, but that night had not been easeful. He had almost stopped multiple times. Even with the preparation and the balm, Lucian had been almost too tense to enter, but each time he considered stopping, Lucian managed to relax enough for him to move again. He doubted it was pleasurable for him, and suspected he only climaxed out of being overly stimulated.

Even for himself it had not been pleasurable, but it was undeniably powerful, being in such intimate contact. Given what had happened last night, Valentine had not thought it likely they would be having intercourse tonight.

Valentine moved off of Lucian and sat up in the bed, watching him as he sat up and got off the bed, walking over to his duffel bag bare save his underwear. This room was significantly more homey than the rest of the manor, but it still had the feeling that no one really lived here. Seeing Lucian in this transient place, with his vitality gone, he was unpleasantly reminded of a ghost. Even the memory of just a moment ago, feeling Lucian pressed up against him could not dispel this.

He got a good look at his face, and he did not look well. He was flushed, but this flush caused him to look worn out, exhausted even. Valentine realized this had probably been building for awhile, and he only just noticed it a moment ago.

Once again, he had been fooled by Lucian’s natural steadiness, though he had to admit his own lust had at once blinded him and caused him to disregard something he already knew- that their conversation last night was not enough to ease the aftermath of what Lucian had gone through.

How to tell him this without it coming across as a rejection or a critique. When he got back to the bed, Valentine took the lubricant bottle from him, and placed it on the bed next to him, then he pulled Lucian into an embrace. Lucian turned his head, kissing Valentine on the cheek.

“I know that -” began Lucian, but Valentine interrupted him.

“Listen to me.” as he tightened his arms, holding him to his chest. “I believe what you are asking to do will be too taxing on you tonight. I decline your offer, but know you are welcome in my bed.”

He felt Lucian’s surprise by the way he tensed, and he continued on quickly. “That being said, we can still make use of this.” He let go of Lucian and picked up the lubricant, opened the cap and squeezed, but nothing came out. Momentarily amused, he twisted the cap off, then took off the safety seal, looking to Lucian with a smile on his face and a question in his eyes.

“I bought it today.” Lucian said, bashfully.

“Lucky me.” Valentine grabbed the waistband of his briefs and slide them off. Lucian actually looked shocked, but slid his off as well, and they dropped them off the sides of the bed. Valentine leaned over, still sitting up, and kissed Lucian deeply, and he was pleased to feel Lucian respond in kind, bringing his hands up to grip Valentine’s biceps.

Valentine pulled away from the kiss, then took the lubricant, squeezing some onto his hand. He trailed his hand down Lucian’s abdomen, making his intentions clear.

* * *

Valentine pulled them both down, after they finished, letting the aftershocks run through. Lucian’s breathing took on a deep, resting quality. They laid there so long, Valentine thought he had fallen asleep, but he heard a rustle of sheets, then Lucian’s whispered “I love you.”

This brought Valentine back to Lucian’s goodnight kiss at The Riverside, and he saw it with new clarity. It was not that Lucian lacked sincerity, but he now recognized the anxiety behind his words; Lucian trying to come back to himself and the present, and not quite succeeding. He wished there was more he could do for him, but for now, he leaned forward, kissed Lucian tenderly, and repeated back to him, “I love you.”


	24. Chapter 24

Luke woke in the bed at Renwick’s by himself. The sun was starting to rise, only a hint of light in the darkness. It was cold, the fire having gone out sometime in the night. He listened for any sound of Valentine, but heard nothing. Sound did not carry far in this manor, with its stone and solid wood doors.

He rose, grabbed his duffel bag and outerwear and headed to the bathroom. When he walked out, fully dressed, including his winter gear, he startled to find a woman sitting on the love seat by the big picture window, holding a candlestick, watching him. When she realized he’d spotted her, she spoke.

“I’d wondered who Valentine was holed up here with. I figured he was chasing someone’s tail, but I hadn’t figured it was literal tail. And what a tail you are, Alpha wolf of the New York pack. So, you’re an Alpha on the streets, but you’re rolling over in the sheets?”

The woman was petite and curvaceous, with dark, dark skin and hair to match. Her tone was friendly, cheerful even.

“But who are we kidding? It probably wasn’t much of a chase was it? I mean, look at the man. He’s got people throwing themselves at him left and right. It’s more like, ‘Get in line.’ Well, I got my ticket, if you know what I mean. I was hoping to get on board again actually – of course you know why, he’s a fantastic lover – but I heard he was in town and he didn’t stop by to see me.

“I asked around, thinking maybe he was with someone I knew, but no one could claim him as their bed partner this trip. Now I know why. He’s here with his former parabatai. How romantic.

“Don’t worry, Sugar. I’m not angry with you. Jealous, but I more than understand. When I get an opportunity, I take it. If I got mad at you, that would certainly be the pot calling the kettle black. Besides, when you’ve lived as long as I have, you learn to let things slide, like water off a duck’s back. Or slide like what you two were up to last night?

“Honestly, I just find it fascinating, who is sleeping with whom. It’s like watching my favorite soap opera. Oh, speak of the Devil! Hello, Valentine. You are looking fine.”

“Rita, how did you get past the warding without me knowing it?” asked Valentine, a slight edge to his voice as he walked into the room, fully dressed in his outerwear, holding his witch-light.

“I put up that warding. You are off your game.” responded Rita, teasingly.

“You will have to enlighten me.”

“Everything has its price! Of course with you, I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.”

Valentine turned to Lucian. “Are you-“

“He’s fine.” Rita interrupted. Rita was engaging, but there was an undertone of danger to her as well. Luke had the feeling he did not want to get on her bad side. “We’ve just been talking. Right, Sugar? Trading notes on you. Besides, I’m friendly with many of your lovers. Why stop now?

“Though, I am surprised. Don’t take this the wrong way, Sugar, but you really aren’t his type, from what I know- which is a lot, by the way. Though you two have a Prince and the Pauper vibe going on, it’s charming.

“Like I said, don’t take it the wrong way, because, Pauper, I would be more than happy to keep you company once Valentine leaves, and he always does.”

“Rita, I know you enjoy your gossip, but I assume there is another reason you are here?”

“Can’t fool you.” Rita said, rolling her eyes. “Yes, there is, but I’d like to talk about that privately. So as much as I would like to stay and chat with you Pauper, because I think you are mighty fine in your own right, would you excuse us?

“How about this? Valentine, I will wait for you in the study, give you two love birds some privacy, but don’t keep me waiting long, you hear? Goodbye, Lucian Graymark. I will call you when I am looking for some canine companionship. I would keep you on a short leash.”

“For you, Rita, no leash would be necessary.”

Rita laughed with delight. “See! He is fine, Valentine.” She rose from the love seat and walked to the double doors and out into the hall, carrying her candlestick with her.

Valentine waited until they could no longer hear her footsteps echo in the hall before stepping forward and addressing Luke. “How long was she in here with you?”

“Only a few minutes. She is a warlock?”

“Yes, and a powerful one at that. As you can attest, she is sociable, but I do not want to keep her waiting. I will walk you downstairs. You have all your things?”

It was strange to see someone exerting influence on Valentine in this way, since he usually marched to the beat of his own drum. But Luke agreed, he too did not want to make Rita wait.

“I do.”

They walked out into the hall. When they passed by the office, Valentine stopped and told Rita he would be back in a few moments.

“You’re walking him to the door?! You never did that with me!”

They walked downstairs in silence to the front door. It was getting brighter, but Valentine’s witch-light was still necessary for now.

Luke stepped forward and kissed Valentine briefly. “Thank you for letting me stay the night. Will you contact me, when you are in the area again?”

“Yes. I apologize for Rita’s intrusion. This is not how I wanted to say goodbye to you.”

“She’s quite the handful.”

“That she is. Farewell, Lucian. Take care.”

“Farewell.”

Valentine opened the door for him, and Luke walked outside. It was bitterly cold and gusty. He started walking to his truck. With the wind, he could not hear when Valentine closed the doors. He did not look back.

That encounter with Rita spooked him. Now someone else knew about him and Valentine. He had flirted with Rita, but he had done so to keep the peace. It felt strange, to flirt with someone else after such an intimate evening with Valentine. It left a bad taste in his mouth.

Rita saying she and Valentine were lovers, and mentioning others had thrown him too. He himself suspected Valentine had many lovers. Jocelyn had been Valentine’s lover, but he wished he had not had to face that the morning after, in the room they had been in together.

Luke wondered about his impulse to stay the night. If he had just gone home, none of this would have happened, but now he’d been confronted with how little he truly knew of Valentine’s life.

* * *

Magnus Bane stood outside of the former Renwick’s Asylum this horrid winter morning. In exchange for letting a minor offense slide, a warlock had told him he should check out Renwick’s. “That’s all I’m going to say, and you didn’t hear it from me, got it?”

“As long as you get not to sell anymore Zenzite crystals. This is your last warning.”

Magnus liked to think of himself as a nice guy, but sometimes he did need to draw the line. Zenzite wasn’t the worst substance around, but it could make Downworlder’s a little too happy, and it had led to Magnus needing to do some memory altering spells on Mundanes. He’d woken early this morning, and he decided to check this off his to do list, though the weather had not been so ghastly when he left his apartment.

Now that he was here, he could feel the presence of warding. A very skilled warlock had done this. He could also sense there was a semi permanent portal somewhere on the grounds. Again, very skilled warlock. He was scoping the perimeter when he saw a familiar green pick up truck. He looked at it more closely, looked inside. Yes, this was Luke’s truck. He had gone to retrieve it himself. What was it doing here?

He looked around, and saw a figure approaching. In the split second as he was determining should he stay or hide, he realized it was Luke. He was carrying a small duffel bag and bundled up against the cold. Luke had still not noticed him, which surprised him. Normally, Luke had excellent spatial awareness.

“Luke!” Magnus called to him, raising his voice to be heard over the wind.

Luke looked up, shock evident on his face. That was odd as well. Luke was not a jumpy person.

“Magnus? What’s happened?” Luke’s shock was evident in his voice as well.

“I will tell you, but only for a trade. Will you tell me why you are here?”

Luke looked at him, paused, then sighed, eyes downcast. “Valentine is here. I was just leaving.”

Oh. Magnus had wondered if the two of them had been in contact. Now he knew the answer was a resounding yes, because unless Luke often visited people at half past six in the morning, he had spent the night here. With Valentine. He knew the amount of trust it took for Luke to tell him that, and he wanted to reciprocate. Magnus explained why he was here.

“A portal? I didn’t see one inside, but that would explain why Valentine is staying here. There is another person inside. A woman. She said she put up the warding. Valentine called her ‘Rita.’”

“A short bombshell of a black woman, who is amazing intuitive about and forward discussing everyone’s sex lives, including her own?”

“Yes.” Luke answered, numbly.

Magnus doubted Valentine planned for Rita to show up. Was that why Luke was so uncharacteristically out of it? Magnus had already thought of Rita as a possible suspect after seeing this spell craft. Magnus had not seen her in a long time, in over two centuries. But apparently some things never change. How comforting.

“Would you mind coming back inside with me? I would like to have a chat with her.”

“Is that wise?”

“Rita and I, we go way back.”

Magnus and Luke walked back up the front steps, and pushed the door in.

“Rita, Honey! I’m home!” yelled Magnus as soon as they crossed the threshold.

Magnus waited until he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and Rita appeared, followed by Valentine.

“If it isn’t Magnus Bane! I’m sorry, I don’t have breakfast cooked and waiting for you. And hello again, Mr. Pauper. I’m sure your Prince is pleased to see you return so soon. You two might as well come up.

Rita already had nicknames for them. Yes, she had definitely said something.

“Magnus, I hear you are seeing a Shadowhunter! A somewhat stuck up Shadowhunter, from what I’ve heard, but you always did like the ones who played hard to get. I suppose that’s why you and I never slept together.”

Magnus sighed. “I see you are in rare form, Rita.”

The four of them made their way upstairs.

* * *

“So, this has been used as a safe house for some time now. Right under my nose. I’m more embarrassed than anything else.” said Magnus.

Magnus and Rita were talking privately in the study. Magnus asked Luke to come in as his back up, thinking Rita would be alright with it since she and Valentine clearly knew each other. And he hoped Luke and Valentine would feel more comfortable if each other were present, hence Rita being more comfortable, but he and Rita talked like it was only yesterday since they last spoke. This was all going smoothly. Magnus was relieved.

“What are you going to do about it?” asked Rita.

“I won’t report this to anyone if you’ll agree to vacate the premises. Spread the word; this safe house is busted. Remove the portal and the warding.

“You could live here, Magnus.” said Rita thoughtfully.

“It’s not really to my tastes. Besides, I could never find my cats in a place like this.”

“Your loss.” replied Rita, airily.

“I’m only doing this because I haven’t heard of you causing any trouble, Rita. Keep it that way.”

“And Valentine? We both know you’re a romantic at heart. You won’t ruin those two’s chances will you?”

“Same deal. I haven’t heard of Valentine causing any trouble. I’ve already talked to him about this. I help you, you help me. We’ll all be good.”

“Well, this worked out well, didn’t it? Magnus, we must have lunch together, introduce me to your Shadowhunter.”

“We can have lunch, Rita, but I cannot introduce you to Alexander. He isn’t here right now.”

“Do I detect relief in your voice? Even if he were here, you wouldn’t want to introduce us, would you?”

“You know not everyone can handle your... how shall I put it? Candidness.”

“Really, Magnus, you know I only say the truth as I see it.”

“That’s exactly the issue, Rita.”

“We’ll agree to disagree. Now, let’s tell them what we decided.”

Magnus and Rita stepped out into the hall.

“Ahem! Ahem! We’re ready to talk with you, so make yourselves decent!” yelled Rita.

Luke and Valentine stepped out of one of the empty rooms, then joined them in the study. Magnus highly doubted they had needed to ‘make themselves decent.’

“Magnus and I have settled things. Valentine, you will stay here and help me transport my belongings to a new location. Magnus, I will see you for lunch. Pauper, I will be arriving at your house this evening in a fur coat and nothing else, so be ready for me.”

Magnus’ eyes went wide. Flirting was par for the course with Rita, but Luke was not an obvious choice of someone to flirt with, and Rita was flirting hard, in front of Luke’s – dare he say– lover.

“It’s terribly cold today, Rita. I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable for my sake.”

Rita laughed, and Magnus relaxed. “Oo Valentine, you better keep this one chained up, because I’m coming for him.”

“I will keep that in mind, Rita.” Valentine’s tone managed to be both polite and dismissive.

“Well, we have a lot of work to do.” said Rita, ignoring him, but dropping the subject. “I kept more furniture here than I thought I did. Valentine and I will see you out.”

They walked as a group down the stairs to the front door.

“What star crossed lovers you two be! You become even more so the more I look at you. Parabatai, betrayal, revenge. Now, living in two different worlds. Beauty-” indicating Valentine, “and the Beast-” a flourish to Luke. “Romeo and Juliet! We don’t need none of those shenanigans, you hear? Stay away from the poison and the knives.”

Magnus willed himself to not react to that last line. Luke and Valentine kept a straight face.

“Don’t worry. There will be none of that.” said Luke calmly.

Magnus honestly did not know how Luke got that out without betraying the fact that he had recently poisoned himself then attempted to kill himself with a knife.

“Good, good. I’ll be upstairs, Valentine. Magnus, give these two unfortunate souls another chance to say goodbye, and step outside. Oh, parting is such sweet sorrow! Goodbye, Pauper!”

“Goodbye, Rita.” said Luke.

“Alright.” Magnus said, then turned to face Valentine. “Remember, Valentine. You owe me.”

“I will. Thank you, Magnus.”

“I’ll wait for you outside, Luke.”

“Thank you.”

Magnus stepped out into the howling wind. He sighed and thought of Camille. She and Rita, were similar in some ways. Camille was fiery, larger than life. She and he, when they were together, threw lavish parties, painting every town they were in red. And while that fire of hers was invigorating, it could also burn. She was hard to handle in large doses, just like Rita.

Luke stepped outside a couple of minutes later. They started walking down the stone steps.

“Are we alright? You and I?” asked Luke, somewhat apprehensively.

“We are fine. I’ve learned to pick my battles. If I really thought they were up to no good, I would do something, but in this case, I say, let sleeping dogs lie.”

“Thank you, Magnus. I need to be getting back home now. The shop will be opening soon. I like to greet Maia and Malarie at the beginning of their shift.”

“I’ll see you soon, then.”

“See you soon.”

Magnus watched Luke walk off. He felt unsettled. Something about the reminder of Luke’s suicide attempt, combined with how Luke appeared the first time he saw him this morning.

He had been the one who had forced Luke to talk about him and Valentine the first time, but this time Rita had stumbled upon them, and Magnus knew she had not been shy. Luke had gone along with the flirting, but he knew Luke well enough now to know that was outside of his comfort zone, no matter how easeful his reply had been.

Magnus felt strongly he needed to follow him. He headed in the direction of Luke’s truck, hunched over at the force of the wind. As he walked he could see Luke’s truck parked at the end of a poorly maintained road. He hadn’t turned it on yet. He tried calling out to Luke, but the sound of the wind was uncomfortably loud, and his voice did not carry.

As he made his way closer, he saw Luke sitting back in the driver’s seat, seemingly staring off into space. Magnus knew this would be delicate, but he made his way to the passenger side and knocked on the window.

Luke looked up, alarmed, then relaxing when he saw it was Magnus. Luke unlocked the door. Magnus opened it and sat down.

“Is there something else, Magnus? Do you want a ride?” asked Luke.

“No, it’s not that. It’s… I’ve accidentally happened upon you and Valentine, again, and this time so has Rita. You two just can’t seem to get any privacy. I know Rita can be quite shocking, she leaves no stone unturned. This is none of my business, but what I’m trying to say is – Are you alright, my friend?”

Magnus looked at Luke in the growing morning light. He could see the pain in his eyes, but it did not break through. “It’s darkly funny, really.” Luke said, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

“I know.” Magnus said soothingly. “Love makes fools of us all. Take me, for example. My dear Alexander enjoys waking up at 5 o’clock in the morning. I, left to my own devices, have not even gone to bed at 5 o’clock in the morning. Yet, look at me now. I awoke at 5 this morning, when Alexander is not even here – I might add – which is why I was able to make this delightful trip at this god awful hour.”

Magnus reached over, placing one of his hands atop Luke’s, and squeezed it. “Please know that I am here, if you need me,” letting go of his hand after he had spoken

He was glad to see his words seemed to have some calming effect on Luke.

“Thank you.” Luke was quiet for a moment, before speaking. “Magnus, Rita isn’t really going to show up at my house later, is she?”


	25. Chapter 25

Life continued on relatively ease-fully for Luke. Rita did not call on him that evening. He had no problems controlling his transformations. Work on the police headquarters and the restaurant was going well. The pack seemed happy with him, and he was happy with the pack. He did not hear any word from Valentine, but he had not been expecting to.

* * *

“So Magnus, I heard a very interesting rumor from Maia.” said Amatis, a grin on her face.”

“Oh, Gods. Does no good deed go unpunished?” asked Magnus, throwing his hands up in the air in a theatric display of frustration.

“Has it been causing you problems with Alexander?” said Amatis, trying and failing to suppress her laughter.

“What’s wrong, Magnus?” asked Jocelyn.

Magnus, Jocelyn, and Amatis were all sitting in Magnus’ apartment. Clary and Simon were out at the moment. The three women had made a joint visit to New York, just arriving that afternoon. Luke would join them later this evening.

“Imagine my surprise. My baby brother did not even feel the need to tell me he was seeing someone.”

“You are incorrigible, Amatis. My dear Jocelyn, what ails me is that my – purely platonic – socializing with Luke has been misinterpreted by members of his pack as something more.”

“The pack thinks you and Luke are dating?” asked Jocelyn, confused.

“Yes, the pack, along with the rest of the New York Downworld. This rumor has taken hold and will not let go.”

“Really, Magnus, how did this even start?” asked Amatis.

“As I said, Luke and I have been socializing. I told you I have changed my ways, particularly my sleeping habits, to accommodate Alexander’s unholy preference of waking early? Well, when he is not in town, and I am awake, I often visit Luke at his house before his shop opens.”

“I was still there when Maia and Malarie arrived for work one morning. They were concerned, they thought something was wrong, that that would be the only reason I would be there at that hour. Everyone is used to me being asleep at that time, you see.

“After Luke and myself assured them there was no danger, they still looked puzzled. Then, I saw the metaphoric light bulb appear over Malarie’s head. She turned to Maia, excitement on her face, then she started indicating with her head between Luke and myself, all the while smiling. Maia received the message, and one of the smuggest looks I’ve ever seen appeared on her face.

“They simultaneously congratulated and threatened me to not hurt ‘The Boss.’ Maia is shockingly menacing for such a petite woman, even warning me not to make her ‘take the claws out.’

“I asked them why did they think I was there - I was getting their drift at this point, but I wanted to hear them say it aloud – and Maia said that she could see why I was playing dumb, that it was awkward with me seeing Alexander Lightwood, or had I already broken up with him?

“Luke then asked the girls why they thought I was there, to which Malarie, quite happily replied ‘We think you’re boyfriends, Sir!’ They are deferential to Luke. Maia added, “Didn’t know you swung that way, Sir.” Luke asked them if there was anyway he could convince them not to tell anyone this, but unfortunately the girls only saw it as further proof.

“Luke is my friend, so I’ve continued visiting with him, and the rumor has persisted. I’ve told Alexander there is no truth to this. Luke even offered to talk with him but fortunately, Alexander believed me. At this point, all we can really do is laugh about it. I sent Luke a bouquet of yellow roses on Valentine’s Day.”

“That’s thoughtful of you, Magnus. Yellow for friendship. Though I doubt werewolves are well versed in the meanings of flowers.” replied Amatis.

Jocelyn was deep in thought. Something about this conversation set off alarm bells for her. It was funny on the surface, but she thought the girls must have picked up on something – for this rumor to persist so long – but maybe it wasn’t what they thought it was. That Luke and Magnus were seeing a lot of each other, but was it purely for social reasons? Was Magnus still worried about Luke?

She flashed to what Luke had said to her, or tried to say to her about Valentine, and that there could be another reason for Magnus sending Luke yellow roses on Valentine’s Day.

“Luke is seeing Valentine, isn’t he?” said Jocelyn, abruptly. When Magnus looked like he was going to misinterpret her comment, she continued. “Non-platonically, I mean.”

Magnus’ jaw dropped, and Amatis looked stunned.

“Why do you-” Magnus started, but Jocelyn cut him off, the pieces coming together for her.

“They are, and you’ve known about it. It goes all the way back to their summer meetings. Luke tried to tell me, but I stopped him.”

“Magnus?” asked Amatis, distress on her face.

“I’m going to take your silence as a yes. How did you find out? Luke would never have told you willingly… Were you observing him? Or a spell? To find out the truth about Valentine’s intentions, but I know you well enough. You felt guilty about it. You’ve kept the secret this whole time, even when Luke was stuck as a werewolf.”

“That’s why Valentine reacted like that?” said Amatis, indignantly.

“To what?” asked Jocelyn.

“When I talked to him, wanting to know what happened between him and Lucian, I said to him of course he wasn’t going to tell me, they were always so private with each other. Valentine reacted odd, like he was shocked I said that, but Jocelyn, what was your tip off?”

“The night Luke was bit. They were so intimate with each other, like you wouldn’t believe. I tried to explain it away as them being parabatai, but I had the thought that one day they would cross that line. I guess it’s good they aren’t parabatai anymore.” Jocelyn turned to Magnus, who was stunned into silence. “It’s okay, Magnus. You don’t have to say anything. I’m not angry with you for hiding it. I’ll talk to Luke myself.”

“Let me talk to him first, Jocelyn. You’ll give him a heart attack. I’ll do it tomorrow morning. He’s got tomorrow off. Let’s just go about dinner as planned.”

* * *

Luke, Clary, and Simon joined them later that evening for dinner. Clary and Simon were talkative, and everyone enjoyed hearing about their adventures. After they finished eating, before dessert, Clary went over to Luke.

“Umm, can I talk to you… uh, privately?”

Luke nodded, and they walked off into Magnus’s study.

“What is it, Clary?”

“Well… I wanted to talk to you about, um, Valentine. I’ve been giving Mom a hard time about marrying him. ‘How could you fall for such a charming guy? Haven’t you seen the movies? Everyone knows they’re trouble.’ Though I just realized, no, Mom was not watching American movies in Idris. But, one afternoon I was visiting her and Amatis, and Amatis said that Jace and Valentine are similar.

“I told her they were nothing like each other, and she said, ‘Really? Charming, popular, gifted, blond.’ She said Jace is actually more arrogant than Valentine was. She also said, ‘How would you even know?’ Amatis is kind of blunt sometimes.

“Anyway, it got me thinking, I don’t really know him. And, you know the saying, ‘Daughters marry their fathers’? I was upset about it, then I thought, I want to know for myself. Jonathan has been telling me about him, and asked if I wanted to see him, the two of us.

“It was… interesting. He gave me a gift. Some jewelry. I’m wearing the earrings now. That he was given this set as payment for clearing out a demon nest. He said he would have ‘presented’ me with a Morgenstern family piece, but he, and I quote, ‘Did not want to draw any undue suspicion towards yourself.’

“I asked him what he would have named me. He said ‘Tempest.’ I have to admit, I like it. I liked _him,_ more than I thought I would. It’s confusing. It was easier when I could just think of him as a jerk. And I was, mad, thinking he didn’t care about me, but then I was mad because he was so awful, why did I want him to care about me. He said he wants to see me again. That I’m important to him.”

Clary started to tear up. “Stupid eyes,’ said Clary, angrily scrubbing at them. Luke pulled her into a hug. Clary held on to him for a long time.

“I was wondering, would you sit down with us, me and him? It’s too awkward between him and Mom, and… I’d just really like you to be there next time I see him. I want Simon to be there too, and you know Simon’s kind of freaked out by him. Sometimes _I’m_ freaked out by him. He’s so formal.”

“His relationship with his parents was very formal.”

“So, he probably wouldn’t like it if I referred to him as, ‘That guy?’”

Luke chuckled. “Probably not, Tempest.”

* * *

The next morning Amatis was sitting with her brother at his house, eating breakfast at the kitchen table. “You know, I think I kept up the place better!” said Amatis, teasingly.

“I won’t argue with you there.” replied Lucian.

Amatis was anxious to get this over with. Her brother was so private. She had never discussed a dating or romance issue of his with him .“Lucian, there is something I need to talk with you about.”

“What is it?”

“It’s okay, but I know about you and Valentine.”

Lucian froze, wouldn’t look up. Not a great reaction, but not terrible. “What do you know about me and Valentine?”

“That it’s turned romantic. Jocelyn figured it out. Had some intuition about it when Magnus told us he got you roses on Valentine’s Day. Magnus didn’t say anything, but his face gave it away when Jocelyn asked him point blank.”

He didn’t speak, but he laid his head down on the table. Oh dear. Lucian would often shut down when he was upset, but he didn’t usually collapse. Amatis quickly got up from her chair and hugged him around the shoulders.

“Come up, let’s go to the couch.”

She took a chance – not sure if he would cooperate with her – and pulled him up. He did, and they walked over to the couch and sat, Lucian landing heavily.

He wasn’t visibly upset. His expression was blank. Like a turtle gone into its shell, she used to tell him when he was little. He’d usually smile after she said that, but she didn’t think that would be particularly helpful to say right now. Instead, she waited for him to speak. After what felt like hours, but was actually only minutes, he did.

“I wasn’t planning on it. It just, felt right.”

He sounded weary, but she was relieved to hear his voice.

“Oh, darling.” she said softly, “That’s how it always happens.”

He was not willing to share much more than that. She had told Jocelyn she would call her, after she told him. She told him that, and he gave her the go ahead.

“She’s on her way. I’ll go out.” said Amatis, putting her coat on. “Call me when you’re done.” She kissed him on the cheek, then left the house, sending up a silent prayer that this went well, or as well as it could.

* * *

Jocelyn arrived shortly after, knocking at the side door. They stood there in the kitchen for a moment as she looked at her oldest friend. He looked numb. He sounded numb too. “I have no explanation, Jocelyn. Say whatever you need to say.”

She stepped into him quickly, so quickly that he took a half step back and flinched, as though he expected her to hit him. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his waist, and put her head on his chest.

“Just be quiet and let me hold you.”

This was not the first time she had said this to him. She had said it when she first ventured to see him as the Brocelind Forest pack leader. That had been a leap of faith. Going to talk to a wolf pack by herself, with only the assurance of a warlock she had not previously met that her friend was the pack leader, so she would not be harmed. The friend her husband had told her killed himself.

The pack was rambunctious at her arrival, but she did as Ragnor Fell said; She asked to speak to the pack leader. Many crude comments were made. “We didn’t know the Master had a bitch back in Alicante!” “Stay with us awhile!” She tried to dissuade them by telling them she was married, but that only egged them on further.

None of that dimmed her reaction to seeing Luke step forward. Not even the strangeness of seeing the whole pack kneel in his direction. He looked numb, much as he did today, but he was blessedly whole.

She found herself running to him without a second thought. He didn’t brace himself, and she knocked him over. The pack was jeering, but she tuned it out in favor of listening to his heartbeat. Alive.

They got to their feet and went inside a tent to talk, which was met with more jeering. Luke ignored them, and she did too. She told him of how she had come to him that day. What had been happening since he left. Told him of Valentine’s plans.

He told her what she later realized was a highly edited version of what had happened to him. When he tried to tell her he was alright, she surprised herself with her sudden burst of anger.

“You always say you’re alright! Just be quiet and let me hold you!”

They laid down on his pallet, him on his back, she with her head on his chest again, reassuring herself he was really here, that she had not lost him as she had once feared, that he was still within her grasp.

She held him in his kitchen now. He did hug her back, but he was hesitant. She pulled away. “Let’s talk. I have much I want to say to you.” She walked into his living room, and sat down on the armchair, leaving him the couch. He followed her over.

“I know this is what you were trying to tell me before. I want to tell you how I came to realize it. It had greatly to do with my memory of what happened the night you were bit by the werewolf.

“I don’t know how much you remember about it. Valentine sent a raven ahead, saying to get warm water and bandages ready, that you had been injured. To clear the house – He was bringing you to the manor. Maybe you had been walking earlier, but by the time you two got there, Valentine was carrying you over his shoulders.

“I had prepared a bedroom for you. He placed you down on the bed, and got your shirts off you. I told him to clean himself up, and tend to his own injuries. That I would tend to your wounds while he did so. You had lost a lot of blood. You were pale, sluggish. You did respond when I spoke to you, but you weren’t making much sense.

“Valentine returned quickly, carrying extra clothes for you. I had cleaned and bandaged your wound to the best of my ability. The poison in werewolf bites is difficult to treat, as you know. The usual healing runes did not have much effect, and I am not particularly skilled in the healing arts. I did what I could for you.

“Valentine told me he had already used parabatai healing runes. He wanted to try again, but he was exhausted, and I advised him not to. He needed to rest, but I could tell he did not want to leave you. I told him to stay there with you, that I would go look after Jonathan.

“I checked in on you later. The scene I saw was so was so intimate, yet I couldn’t look away. Valentine at some point had gotten in the bed with you. You two were talking, but you didn’t notice me. I couldn’t hear what you were saying, and I did not want to interrupt you. You were facing each other. Valentine’s back was to me, and he had his arm around you.

‘I left the doorway as quietly as I could, though again, I doubt either of you noticed me. I had the thought, though it was more than a thought – it was like when I get an idea to draw something, it doesn’t come from me – that you two would one day want to be lovers.

“I tried to dismiss it. Parabatai are always close, you’d just gone through a great shock. I’d shared a bed with my girlfriends and there was nothing romantic about it. Even you and I, after we fled to Paris, spent hours just laying in bed together. There was only one bed in our room, but that’s beside the point. You held me as I had seen Valentine hold you. When we walked, I held you around the waist and you held me around the shoulders, and I didn’t have romantic feelings for you. I know you did for me, but I think we both agree there was nothing sexual in those embraces, even before I told you I was pregnant.

“I’ve wondered if that time was why Clary took such an instant liking to you. That maybe she recognized you. You were the first person after myself to know she was in my womb, and I felt deeply peaceful when we were lying together. You even talked to her, put your arm around my stomach.

“After you were turned, and the Uprising, I forgot about the thought I had, about you and Valentine. With his reappearance, and Clary’s questions, I started to wonder: Was I ever deeply in love with Valentine? And, had I ever felt that he was deeply in love with me?

“It felt serious to me when Valentine and I were courting, and I believe it felt serious to him as well, but we didn’t have anything to compare it to. I know it’s not the same, but when I learned I was pregnant with Clary, when I saw her the first time, my love for her was overpowering. I didn’t feel that with Jonathan, I was too terrified.

“Yesterday, when Magnus was talking about the rumor about you two, I don’t know how, but that memory came back, and it clicked for me, about you and Valentine. I’m going to say to you what I said to you the last time. Do what you need to do. I will be here.”


	26. Chapter 26

Luke was working the final five minutes of the day, the shop empty, when a young man walked in. He was shocked when he recognized him as Jonathan Morgenstern. Jonathan smiled, waved hello, and walked over.

“We did not get the chance to really meet! I see you recognize me. I wondered if we could talk. I know your shop is going to close soon. And I know I am the only one here. To answer your unspoken question: No, my father is not here, nor is he aware I am here.”

“Is everything alright? Are you in trouble?”

Jonathan laughed. “I am fine. That is kind of you to ask. I had not considered that my visit could come across that way.”

Luke let his shoulders drop. “Let me close up here, then we can sit down in the back.” Soon they sat in his kitchen, where he took a quick moment to marvel at how many guests he’d entertained here lately.

“Let me get a good look at you.” Jonathan was an interesting blend of his parents. Valentine’s eyes and hair, but he had a slighter build and was not as tall. He looked a lot like Jocelyn’s father, actually. His manner at first seemed like his father’s, but there was a jocular quality that Valentine did possess. His sense was that Jonathan didn’t take much seriously, though his tone was formal, polite.

“I hope you were not offended by my offering to kill you.” said Jonathan, a mischievous smile on his face. “I truly meant it to be a kindness. I respected your decision to end your life under the circumstances, and believed they robbed you of your free will. Though, I am happy to see my services were not necessary.”

“So am I.”

“Also, I wanted to thank you for helping me. Father gave me an earful about my recklessness. That was why he needed to leave New York in the first place. I had been injured by those demons.”

“You are welcome.” His memories of that night were hazy. He did not remember leaving his cell at Magnus’, but he did remember being high up at the construction sight, seeing the demon’s arm coming toward Jonathan, and his gut instinct to save him.

“I actually believe you, amazingly. There is another reason I am here. I wanted to ask you about my mother. Father told me about her, but he realized I did not hold Mother’s decisions in high regard, and I believe he altered what he said to me, highlighting the good.

“Clarissa is also biased. She thinks little of Father – Yes, I am aware, though I think she warmed up to him after out last visit, did she tell you about that? - and while she has expressed some anger with her mother, I find myself wanting more view points.

“I find Mother’s choices difficult to understand. Even in regards to yourself; Why did she risk going to the wolf pack out in Brocelind Forest to see you, then leave you after it was all over? Clary and Father portrayed that as noble, but to me it seems selfish. She asked for your help in dealing with Father, and when it did not go well, she left you. Basically, I am wondering what it is about Mother that made you do what you did. And please, do not say ‘love.’”

He had not been expecting to talk with Jonathan like this, just the two of them, but he could see from the moment he walked in Jonathan was on a mission. It was surreal to see him again. He had clear memories of the day Jonathan was born. He sat with Valentine while Jocelyn was in labor; She only wanted her mother with her in the delivery room.

Jonathan had a strange fate, but, just as Valentine had said, even with the demon blood, he could see the light in Jonathan. His was a keen mind, and Luke appreciated his ability to talk about subjects that most people wouldn’t want to go anywhere near, with detachment, even amusement.

Luke could see how some might consider him hard to handle, but Luke felt he understood him somewhat, and if he could, he wanted to give Jonathan insight about his mother. That was why he answered as truthfully as he could.

“Your mother showed me the world was beautiful when I couldn’t see it anymore. Your father can confirm this, but when Jocelyn and I were young, we spent a lot of time in the woods; I more so than her.

“I felt calm there, but mostly I just wandered around. When Jocelyn came with me, she would bring her pencils and draw, then she would show me what she’d done that day. I got to see the world through her eyes, however briefly, and she saw so much beauty. The play of shadows, the movement of the leaves against the wind. Insects, animals.

“When she came to see me, when I was the pack leader, I remembered those times, that feeling that life is beautiful. Wait here, there’s something I want to give you.”

Luke got up and went to his bedroom. Jocelyn had given him one of her sketchbooks from that time as a birthday present when they were young. Amatis had recently returned it to him. He retrieved that sketchbook, returned to the kitchen, and gave it to Jonathan.

“Your mother drew in this when she was ten. I’d like you to have it. I know your relationship with your mother is complex, but maybe you can find a glimpse of who she is by looking at that; something she made before things got so complicated.”

Jonathan regarded him for a moment, his expression unreadable. “Thank you, I will take this.”

* * *

Clary contacted him about the meeting with Valentine. She arranged it through Jonathan. Luke told Magnus, and he let them meet at his warehouse. Luke had not been in contact with Valentine since Renwick’s.

He had agreed to meet with Valentine and Clary before Jocelyn and Amatis had confronted him about Valentine. Those meetings had gone well, better than he ever envisioned them going. He had not been able to say much more than to confirm that yes, he and Valentine had been seeing each other.

In some ways, there wasn’t much more to say. At the rate they were going, they would see each other a few times a year, for a couple of days at a time. Luke was locked in New York with the wolf pack, and he really didn’t know much about Valentine’s daily business.

Luke got held up arriving at the meeting because of pack business, a dispute about the living quarters that he needed to oversee and resolve. When he arrived, Valentine, Clary, Simon, and Magnus were all sitting down at the round table.

“Sorry, I’m late. That took longer than expected.” He could tell walking in, the mood was tense. Simon was a live wire of nervous energy, and Clary was sending him worried glances. Magnus looked to Luke with relief when he sat down at the table.

“No worries. We were just discussing Alexander and Jace.”

Amatis kept him up to date about that. Clary had introduced the two of them, and they hit it off right away. They were considering becoming parabatai.

“Have they come to any decisions yet?”

“No, you know Alexander. They haven’t known each other long, and Alexander is extremely cautious about rushing into it, but he will reach the age limit this upcoming fall.” said Magnus.

“Jace is all for it.” Clary said. “He says he feels like he’s known Alec for years. They’ve been spending a lot of time together, trying to figure it out. I haven’t gotten to see him much. Could you at least try to look sympathetic, Simon!”

This was explaining some of the tension. Magnus already shared with him his distrust of the parabatai rune. Also, just as Clary was not seeing as much of Jace, Magnus was not seeing as much of Alexander. And Simon was still stuck in the rough of being in love with Clary yet knowing she loved someone else, yet he couldn’t hide his glee that Jace’s focus was somewhere other than Clary.

“I wish Alec would just hurry up and say yes. Then we can all go back to normal. Luke, how long did you and – Ugh, sometimes I don’t know what to call you. I was going to keep calling you Valentine, but Jonathan calls Mom, ‘Mother.’ But when I call you ‘Father,’ I feel like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. Do you know Star Wars, Father?”

“I understand the reference, yes.”

Clary seemed to be trying to interact with Valentine like they were peers. Luke didn’t know if that was because she didn’t know how else to interact with him, or if she was trying to cover her discomfort with casualness. Clary had a more casual relationship with her mother, but Luke knew she would never have that with Valentine, even if things had gone differently and he had been part of her upbringing. Valentine was being remarkably accommodating of her. But for all her bluster, Clary was wearing the earring set Valentine gave her.

“Yeah, so you can get back to your ‘courting.’” Simon said dismissively.

Luke had thought Clary would be calmer with her father with Simon present, but unfortunately, tensions were high today, and Simon was having the opposite effect. Luke knew Simon’s heart was in the right place. He had told him how intimidating he found Valentine. The fact that he was sitting here showed how much he cared for Clary, despite this small spat they were having.

“Speaking of ‘courting,’ Father, how did you court Mom?” asked Clary, changing the subject.

“We were young, as I am sure Jocelyn already told you. I was seventeen, she was sixteen, your age now. We married two years later.”

“So, what did you do? What was a date in Idris?”

“We went on walks at first, then started dining together. Exchanged gifts, attended dances together.”

“Were you nervous, when you asked her to marry you?”

“I’d be so nervous!” added Simon, regaining some of he usual cheer.

“You’re always nervous, Simon.” said Clary, tempering her words with a smile in his direction.

“I was confident she would say yes. We had been courting exclusively for a year at that point.”

Clary looked puzzled. “You were two timing Mom for a year?”

“People often dated with multiple partners. Jocelyn went on dates with others as well. There was no implied commitment, until a pair decided to court exclusively.”

“Wow! I’m totally asking her about that next time I see her.” said Clary. “How did you ask Mom to marry you?”

“I asked her one evening, after I had taken her out to dinner.”

“Did you ask her dad?”

“No. That is not a common practice in Idris.”

“Did you get down on one knee.”

“No.”

Clary looked unimpressed. “Did you have a ring?”

“Yes, my grandmother’s engagement ring. I also brought flowers.”

“Was Mom impressed?”

“She agreed to marry me that night. Sometimes people would propose, but then give their partner a few days to decide.”

“That’s kind of like what Jace did with Alec, right?” Simon piped in.

“What?” Clary looked dumbfounded.

“Well, the way you explained parabatai to me, it’s like getting married, just platonically, right? A pair of bonded warriors. Jace and Alec have been spending all this time together – courting – trying to figure out if this is what they want. Jace pretty much said 'Yes, want to,’ and now he’s giving Alec time to figure it out. So, do people call it that? Parabatai courting, proposing?”

“People don’t talk about it like that, Simon.” said Clary, amused.

“But it makes sense, right?”

“Yeah, it does.” she said with a smile.

“What about you, Luke?” asked Simon.

“What about me?”

“Well, you and Mr. Morgenstern were parabatai. How did you figure it out? Did you read the book, “How to Court Your Parabatai?”

“Or the classic, “Are You Considering Entering Into The Sacred Institution of Parabatai?” said Clary, excitedly, as she and Simon started giggling.

“It’s not a common practice, so each pair figures it out for themselves.”

“So, you didn’t go grandly declaring to anyone within earshot that you wanted Father to be your parabatai? Because that’s what Jace is doing to Alec, and now that I think about it, it’s pretty hysterical.” said Clary.

“Yeah, it’s like the equivalent of Jace outside Alec’s window with a boombox. I don’t like him, but I gotta give him props for style.”

In Idris, the practice of becoming parabatai was taken very seriously. Seeing the two of them, who had not grown up in that culture, Luke realized that even living as an exile did not give him total detachment from what he had been raised with, because he found even after all these years away he still placed great gravity on ‘The Institution of Parabatai.’ He couldn’t at this moment make fun of it the way Clary and Simon were, but he was glad Clary and Simon had found a way to lighten their moods. Magnus looked lighter as well.

“We talked it over privately, then told everyone our decision.” said Luke.

“That sounds significantly less amusing than Jace and Alec.” said Clary.

“I think one of you should have at least brought some chocolates.” added Simon.

“Yeah, chocolates are a nice all purpose gift.” Clary concurred.

* * *

They continued talking for an hour. Magnus got up first, after they had finished talking about Jace and Alexander, saying he needed to attend to something, but told them to stay as long as they wanted. Clary and Simon left next, they were going out to dinner and a movie. Clary hugged Luke and thanked him for agreeing to this, while Simon shook hands with Valentine. Clary had a somewhat flustered goodbye with her father, while Luke gave Simon a hug, then sent them on their way, leaving him and Valentine alone together for the first time.

Valentine looked to him, after they heard the outer door open and shut. “Jonathan sends his regards. That is high praise from him. He showed me the sketchbook you gave him.”

“I enjoyed his visit. I’d like to see him again, sometime. Clary seems to like the earrings you gave her. She was wearing them the last time I saw her.”

“I am glad. I thought the emerald set would go well with her coloring.”

There was a pause. Even though they were alone together, this place didn’t feel private.

“I arrived here before Clarissa and her friend Simon, and Magnus told me of your talks with Jocelyn and Amatis about ourselves. He said they went well, but I wanted to ask you directly.”

“They did. Jocelyn said she… had had this thought about us before.”

“Really? Did she say when?”

“The night I was bit. She said she came in to the bedroom to check on us, and saw us in the bed talking with each other.”

He had wanted to discuss with Valentine that he might be infected, but Valentine repeatedly told him not to speak. When he kept trying, Valentine started talking about other things to distract him, eventually putting his arm around him.

“I do not recall her coming in until the morning.”

“She said we didn’t notice her. I remember talking together, but I don’t remember her coming in either.”

“Lucian, could you get away from the city for awhile?”

Luke was surprised. “With you?” He had wanted that to sound casual, but it came out hopeful. Valentine noticed, and smiled.

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“Upstate, in the mountains. For full disclosure, it is a private property Rita owns, but I assure you she will not be joining us, nor will anyone else. She offered it to me, saying to bring you and enjoy the peace and quiet.”

“That’s not how she phrased it, was it?”

Valentine chuckled. “No, it is not. But, she did truly believe you would like the place. I have never been there myself.”

Life always had been an adventure, when he was with Valentine.

“I’d like that.”


	27. Chapter 27

A few weeks passed since Luke and Valentine first spoke of going away together. He told the pack he would be going out of town for a few days, leaving Gretel in charge. He thought they would dislike his absence, but to his surprise they all seemed happy he was going. “Take a break, Boss!”

He told Magnus about it; Luke didn’t want to worry him. To his surprise, Magnus also seemed happy about this trip.

Rita agreed to portal with him to her property, and he met her at Magnus’ apartment.

“Oh, Pauper! I am so glad you and your Prince took me up on my offer! He is there waiting for you as we speak.” said Rita.

“Now, don’t worry about anything here. Just -” Magnus paused mid speech, stymied.

“Where you about to say something naughty, Magnus Bane?” said Rita, grinning.

“I hadn’t planned to, but everything I thought to say does sound like a double entendre.”

“Oh, Pauper, you are blushing! Come along, let me deliver you to the source of your embarrassment. Pick up your things.” Rita grabbed hold of his arm and opened a portal.

“Sorry about that, Luke. I do truly wish you good time. Bon voyage!” said Magnus, looking embarrassed.

“We’re off!” called Rita, pulling Luke forward. An instant later, they stood in ankle deep snow. Luke took a moment to orient himself. The air was cold and crisp. They were standing in a clearing, surrounded by a deep mixed forest of pine and bare deciduous trees, a few cardinals and blue jays amongst the branches. He looked to the side, where Valentine was standing in front of a small cabin, dressed for the environment.

“Surprised, Pauper? My tastes are wide and varied. It’s not grand, but it has more than enough for you two.”

“No, it looks wonderful. Thank you, Rita.”

“Oo, am I jealous of you two! Anyways, I will come back and get you at the arranged time. Until then!” With that, Rita created another portal, stepped through, and vanished.

Valentine walked over.

“Where is this?” asked Luke.

“The Adirondacks. Do you like it?”

“I do. Want to go on a hike, while we have the light?” He felt happy being in the woods, and wanted to stay out awhile.

“Yes, Rita said there is a creek nearby. Come inside first. There is a map of the area, and you can put your bag down.”

They didn’t talk much, as they walked. He had spent much of his time before settling in New York near forests like this one, and while there were many things about that period of time in his life he did not miss, this was one he did.

They returned to the cabin. There was a small entry, a sitting room, a well stocked eat-in kitchen, and one bedroom. He imagined Rita laughing about that when she offered this place to Valentine. There was also a path leading to a rocky area, with steam overhead. Valentine said Rita had fashioned her own mineral bath.

They sat together reading in the sitting room. During their last visits, they had been so focused on each other, knowing their time was limited. This really felt like a vacation, that there was time to spare, to just sit and be with each other.

They made themselves dinner. He and Valentine had sometimes gone on solo hunting trips, so they had some precedent for this. Walking, relaxing together in silence, preparing food together.

Afterwards, they made their way to the bath. The stonework was beautiful. It was far enough away from the cabin that Rita had separate changing rooms next to it. The sky was clear, the stars bright, the air chill, but the water was warm.

Luke went into a changing room. When he emerged in a bathing suit, Valentine was already in the water, and Luke sat down, directly across from him.

“Rita seems to have read you quite well, for only having met you briefly. I could not have picked a more fitting place to bring you.”

Luke smiled. “You like it here, too?”

“Very much.”

“Do you still stargaze?” Valentine had always taken time to look up at the night sky.

“I do. I enjoy the feeling of being closer to the Divine.”

“We were an odd pair. I always felt calm in the forest, but you wanted to see the heavens.”

“I like to believe we balanced each other.”

“You liked the stories of seafarers using the stars to navigate.”

“I did teach myself and Jonathan how to do so.”

“Impressive.”

“I am glad someone still appreciates it. Jonathan would often argue with me, asking why did I bother, when I could use technology.”

”Sometimes customers ask me about that, running a book store with electronic readers, but people still keep coming in. Or when I bought antiques, and I took Clary with me, she would be confused why I bought what I did. I told her I could clean it up, but she wondered why I went to the trouble.”

“Why did you?”

“It was satisfying. I could fix it, give it new life.”

“I feel that that is an apt description of what we are doing now. Our relationship tarnished; we are making restorations. We were not unaffected by the passage of time, but that same passage of time is what makes me appreciate what we had, and what we have altered.”

At that, Valentine stood and made his way over. He thought Valentine would sit down next to him, but when he instead reached down and grabbed Luke’s arm, pulling him up so they were standing facing each other, the water hitting their waists. Valentine brought one hand up to cup the side of his face, put the other on the small of his back, leaned forward and kissed him.

He had not made any previous attempts at intimacy today, and neither had Valentine. He had enjoyed his company, but was reticent after his conversations with Amatis and Jocelyn, the amount of time between their meetings, the morning after at Renwick’s. Their first night together had been spur of the moment. Even their dinner and meetings at Renwick’s were spontaneous, yet it was sobering; they had no commitments to each other, and Valentine was seeing other people.

But, to his surprise he felt his heart catch in his chest. He tilted his head to the side and kissed him back, bringing his hands to hold at his sides. Valentine was always so full of intent that Luke couldn’t describe this as lazy, but it was slow. The heat and steam from the mineral bath, the dim lighting. Valentine pulled away, but Luke pulled him back, and Valentine smiled against his lips, continued kissing him for awhile longer, before moving away once again. He let him this time.

“You are truly enjoying yourself, here?” asked Valentine, softly.

“Yes. It’s more luxurious, but it reminds me of home.” The cabin he and Amatis had lived in, while not as remote as this, had a similar feeling. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“I needed to do something after our terrible departure at Renwick’s. Though one thing leads to another. Rita took enough of a liking to you to offer this place to us. And, that morning was not a complete loss. It was a joy waking up to you beside me.”

Valentine kissed him again, this time more insistently. “Wash, then to bed?” he asked.

Luke nodded, Valentine withdrew and they made their way to the changing rooms. He took a quick shower to rinse the salts off, redressed himself, then they made their way back to the cabin. Luke had lit a fire in the bedroom fireplace before they went to the bath. Rita hadn’t decorated this exactly like a hunting cabin, but it managed to be both rustic and stylish. The floors were wood, the bed was simple, with a large down comforter.

They found their way to the bed, and Luke enjoyed Valentine being so near, the crackling of the fire, the softness of the bed. Valentine gripped his hip and pulling him forward, so that he was laying on his stomach, then straddled him, and kissed him along his spine, as he had last summer.

Luke, to his confusion, felt more sleepy than anything else. Yes, this and the hot spring were relaxing, but he had been so moved by this before, and now he felt nothing, as though Valentine weren’t making contact with him at all.

He hung his head in realization; this again. He thought he had been doing well lately, but again Valentine brought this to his attention. Now that he thought about it, he was probably the only one who believed he was fine. Magnus checked on him regularly, as did Amatis and Jocelyn. Sometimes he caught Simon looking at him with worry when they ate out together. The pack was mostly relieved he was taking a vacation. Even Rita offering this place, he thought it came from her roguish sense of humor, but now he reconsidered.

Valentine stopped his movement, and when Luke turned to face him he saw Valentine’s undisguised pity. “I need to stop.” stated Luke.

Valentine only nodded, then moved to the side of the bed. Luke got up and retrieved his shirt, when a thought occurred to him.

“This is why you declined at Renwick’s, isn’t it?” At the time, he thought Valentine was referring to his nausea from the previous evening.

“Yes,” Valentine answered, as he too rose from the bed, putting on sweater. Once again, he had been out of touch with the situation. A silence fell upon them. Luke sighed. Everything about this was ideal. The setting, the privacy, Valentine was interested, at least he had been up until a moment ago. Luke wanted to explain, to say something more to him, but he wasn’t sure how to fix this, and with their schedules being what they were, they had no time to figure it out. Maybe they were ill fated as lovers, just as they had been ill fated as parabatai. Maybe it was time to throw in the towel.

“I’m sorry. I care for you, but this isn’t working.”

“Lucian, please do not be so hard on yourself. We already discussed this. I know you are having troubles. I am willing to be patient.”

“We both know patience isn’t one of your virtues.”

“Is that a challenge?” Valentine countered, smiling. “Come into the kitchen with me? We can continue discussing this there.”

Luke nodded.

Valentine pulled some grapes out of the fridge, and handed Luke a glass of water. They sat at the table. Luke didn’t have much of an appetite, but he sipped at the water, ate a few of the grapes.

“Is something else troubling you?” asked Valentine.

This would be deeply painful to admit, but he had nothing left to lose, and at least they could have closure. “I’ve wondered if you would ever consider being exclusive with me. I knew it would be a long shot, with how infrequently we see each other. It’s not even a question if we don’t have sex when we’re together. I don’t seem to be getting better. Won’t this bother you, after awhile? We could still see each other, as friends. That seems better than drawing this out any longer.”

“I told you I would not ask your forgiveness, for what I have done, and I hold true to that, but I will say this; Give me a chance to redeem myself to you. You went through, and are still going through an ordeal. I left you last time, I do not wish to leave you again. Patience is not my strongest suit, but it has always been yours. Please, be patient, do not dismiss me just yet. And, know I have been exclusive with you.”

“Since Renwick’s?”

“Since the summer.”

“Why?” This truly surprised him. Luke had not even conceived this as a possibility.

“I told you I would return the following evening, and I did not. When I did, and found you in such distress, taking another lover held no appeal for me. You said your relationships were unsatisfying – I recall you using the word ‘hollow?’ I found mine to be the same. Have you been exclusive with me?”

“Yes.”

“I have also thought of asking you to be exclusive, though I was not sure how you would receive such a request, considering the last time we made vows to each other ended tragically. I hear your concerns, but we have a few more days. Let us just enjoy being here, together.”

Luke liked the sound of that, despite everything. “Okay.”

Valentine nodded. “May we share the bed?”

“Yes.”

“I am glad. As I said, it was a joy to wake beside you.”


	28. Chapter 28

When Luke awoke the next morning, and saw Valentine still sleeping beside him, he recalled a bittersweet memory from just shortly after he was bitten by the Brocelind Forest pack leader.

He went to Amatis with the news when he was well enough to walk. Valentine made plans with Stephen to assure them privacy. He had hoped to stay with her while he waited, but she refused him. Instead, he returned to his cabin, formerly theirs – Amatis had married and moved in with Stephen a few years before this. He thought of going inside, but it reminded him too much of her. Instead, he laid down on a patch of moss. Sleep was the only thing that held any appeal, and he dozed. When he awoke, Valentine was lying beside him. Luke checked the light, it was late afternoon.

“What are you doing here? You were busy with the Circle today.”

“I could feel the meeting did not go well.” That he felt it through their bond was unspoken.

“She said she doesn’t want to see me again.”

“Stay with Jocelyn and I.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“Pack your things.”

Luke closed his eyes. He did not want to argue with his parabatai. Did not want to stay with them and be the proverbial third wheel. And, if even his sister had rejected him, how would Valentine react if he did become a werewolf the next full moon? Valentine was here, offering support, but this felt like the beginning of the end.

And it had been. Despite Valentine’s assurances, the love they felt for each other was not enough for him to remain by his side after he turned. Last night felt the same, the assurances, the declaration of caring. It had not been enough then, and he doubted it would be enough now.

Still, he could enjoy what time they did have. They kissed some, but neither made attempts beyond that. They went on more hikes, sat in the mineral bath, played chess, cooked meals. He told Valentine of the years he travelled alone, before meeting up with Jocelyn and Clary. Valentine shared some stories of demons he and Jonathan faced. They made no definite plans to see each other again.

Rita came to get them at the appointed time. The pack had done fine in his absence. He fell back into his usual routine; working at the shop; repairs at headquarters; evenings at the Hunter’s Moon; letters to Amatis and Jocelyn; visits with Magnus and Simon, and wondered what the future held.

* * *

“Magnus, I need to talk to you.”

“Ah, Rita, do come in. Please, there is no need to knock. You could not possibly intrude upon me.”

Magnus was standing in front of his closet. He had just taken a shower, and was determining what to wear when Rita burst in.

“I see you are naked, but, Magnus, we’re centuries old. It’s more shocking that I haven’t already seen. But I see I have disturbed your delicate constitution. Would it help if I took my dress off?”

“No, I am afraid it would not, Rita.”

“Then put some pants on, get over yourself and meet me in your sitting room.”

Magnus looked up at the ceiling as Rita walked out of his room. He sighed, quickly put an ensemble together, then sat down on a plush arm chair across from Rita.

“Alright. What is it you wanted to speak to me about?”

“It’s the Pauper.”

“Luke?” This was surprising.

“Yes.”

“What about him?”

“Did he say anything to you about his trip with Valentine?”

Magnus stilled. He wondered where Rita was going with this. Normally, she got right to the point. This subtle approach coming from her was disquieting.

“He said nothing in particular about it. That he enjoyed hiking in the woods, that he enjoyed your mineral bath.”

“How has the Pauper seemed to you lately?”

Again, the indirect questioning. “He seems alright. Why do you ask?”

“You trust my intuition, right?”

“About certain things.”

“Let me be more specific. You trust my intuition about sex, right?”

“I do.” Her ability often made him feel as though she had just read his diary.

“They did not have sex at the cabin.”

“You weren’t monitoring them, were you?”

“No, I just know these things. There is only one bed there. How could they not? They were alone in a cabin in the middle of the woods. Really, what else is there to do? They went out of their way not to. They had sex at Renwick’s, and that place is miserable in the winter. It’s nice in the summer though, all that stone keeps it cool. It’s really a shame you didn’t like it there, Magnus.”

“Back to the point, Rita?”

“I know they’re attracted to each other. And why wouldn’t they be? Valentine’s gorgeous-” When Magnus made a face at that, Rita continued, “My stars! You don’t think so, do you? That makes me question your taste. And in regards to the Pauper, I have to say Magnus, I was upset with you. I made my feelings for him perfectly clear, and you still felt the need to start something-something?”

“This blasted rumor!” yelled Magnus, while Rita laughed. “I found it too amusing not to mention, but I’ll get back to my problem with all this. My sense is the Pauper is the one having the issue, not Valentine. There’s something I don’t know, tell me what it is. I will go spell the Pauper if you don’t.”

Oh, Gods. Not this again. “Please, do not do that.”

“Then tell me what I want to know.”

Magnus was not comfortable, but he thought speaking would be preferable to Rita showing up at Luke’s. “Give me a moment to think about this. Luke doesn’t share with me about Valentine.”

Magnus was touched that Luke felt comfortable enough to tell him he was going away with Valentine, though the memory of what happened the last time Luke went out into the woods hung between. Luke didn’t tell him much about the trip, again, Magnus had been surprised Luke shared what he had, but he had noticed Luke seemed rather one dimensional, flat.

Magnus had worried about Luke in various degrees for their entire acquaintance. This worry he would not rank high, but he had literally seen Luke dying. Rita was saying she felt something was wrong, and he too had worried for Luke about this relationship. Magnus thought of a conversation he’d overheard between Jocelyn and Amatis:

“Jocelyn, even if you were here, do you think Lucian would have asked for your help?“

“I’ve wondered that myself. He asked me occasionally to work at the shop the day after a full moon. I never questioned him. I knew it was bad if he asked.” Jocelyn said.

“Did you know he never told me he was having trouble with his studies? I only found out when Valentine told me. I confronted him, ‘How bad was it?’ He said he didn’t know if he would have graduated.”

“He didn’t tell me, either.”

“He’s always been like that. Even when he was little, he’d be coming down with a cold, or having growing pains. He would say he was fine. I don’t think he even knew what I was asking, when I asked if he was okay.”

“I think by his standards, if he’s alive, he’s alright.”

Luke had almost died. He would have been, by Jocelyn’s estimation, ‘not alright’. Magnus remembered when he himself tried to take his life. He felt he couldn’t go on living. The isolation of being immortal, half demon. Camille saved him, and was his companion through that dark time. They eventually became lovers, but he was not capable of being any sort of romantic partner to her in the aftermath of that attempt. It had taken time to come back to himself, to feel his life force once again.

He hadn’t considered that Luke might be feeling similarly, because their circumstances were so different. Luke attempted to kill himself because he didn’t want to hurt anyone as a wolf, and after he recovered, he quickly jumped into life with the wolf pack and was, by all accounts, excelling as their leader.

Magnus, in his recovery, took things at a much slower pace. He and Camille spent much time just the two of them, before slowly venturing out for meals, shopping for clothes, working their way up to the parties they both so loved. He felt disoriented at first, as if the world were going on without him. If Luke felt anything like that, he would imagine having sex would be difficult, especially with Valentine, who – even in Magnus’ brief meetings with him – came across as an intense individual.

This was all, of course, incredibly personal, but Rita had no qualms, and Magnus really did not want her to go spell Luke and make him talk about this.

“Yes, I can think of something that could be putting a hamper on their activities, so to speak.”

“Do tell.”

“I need you to promise me something first. If I do, you will not spell him, and what I share with you remains confidential.”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep, Magnus. But, I do have their best interests at heart. ‘Star crossed lovers,’ be damned, I’m rooting for them.”

That was incredibly sincere, coming from Rita. Magnus felt more comfortable sharing, but he kept it vague.

“Luke suffered a grave injury. He almost died. I am wondering if the trauma of it is effecting his intimate relations.”

Rita pondered this for a moment.

“So, the body’s fine, his soul ain’t?”

“Yes.”

“What if they were at the Pauper’s house? I picked a place I thought he would like, but obviously it didn’t do the trick.”

“So many people now know where Luke lives. Valentine wouldn’t dare go there again, and it’s rife with interruptions. That’s why they went to Renwick’s, where we proceeded to interrupt them.”

“We’re warlocks, Magnus. We can give them one night’s privacy there.”

“I can’t deny that, but I feel we’ve meddled enough. Let them handle things.”

“Do I need to mention again that they were at a cabin by themselves and they did not ‘handle it?’ Also, I find this notion of meddling ridiculous. Everyone is all up in everyone’s business. I’m just up front about it.”

“I’m rooting for them too.”

“Good! I’ll talk to Valentine.”

“I didn’t say I would yet, and what do you plan on telling Valentine anyway? Try having sex at Luke’s house, we think it will work, and we’ll make sure you are not interrupted?”

“See, that wasn’t so complicated, was it? Unless, of course you would like to talk with the Pauper?”

Magnus knew Rita would move ahead with this, regardless. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

“No. I can’t imagine having this conversation with him. You go talk to Valentine. He is as unfazed by this as you are. I envy you sometimes, for that.”

Rita smiled. “I knew you would see things my way.”

* * *

Rita returned to Magnus’ apartment, this time with Valentine in tow. They exchanged greetings, then Magnus bid them to take a seat. While these two were as calm as could be, Magnus was already feeling flustered. “I never should have let you talk me into this.”

“Aww, Magnus, no need to be shy!” soothed Rita.

“I am glad for your involvement. This is much preferable to Rita using spell work. Her appearance alone would give Lucian cause for concern.” added Valentine.

“Do I detect a note of jealousy?” Rita retorted.

“Let’s get on with it.” said Magnus. “Valentine, if we cover you, would you be willing to go to Luke’s house?”

“Yes. I would prefer it to be Sunday. The shop is closed the next day.”

“We can do that, but who’s going to tell Luke?”

“I would prefer you tell him, Magnus.”

Magnus had not foreseen this. “May I ask why?”

“I do not want to write this in a letter, and he will want more than just my assurance that spell work will be used to shield us. I have just said that I believe Rita’s appearance would be startling.”

“My curves have brought men to their knees. Admit it, you are worried he will find them more appealing than your abs. Oh, Valentine, that reminds me, isn’t this something! I saw Magnus naked the other day, and he has absolutely been working out, to impress his Shadowhunter, no doubt. Oh, wait, it’s even worse than that isn’t it? You’re working out with him! Oh, Magnus, what’s happened to you, doll. Waking up early, and now this? It’s cute, in a sad way.”

“I will talk to Luke.”

* * *

“Is something troubling you, Magnus?”

He and Luke were sitting at Luke’s house, at his kitchen table. Magnus brought breakfast with him, and the girls had not yet arrived for their shift. They had been chatting for a little while now. Magnus thought it would be best to ease into this conversation, but even he was having trouble thinking of how to say this gracefully.

“There is something that has been brought to my attention.”

“What is it?”

“Rita paid me a visit the other day. She hasn’t come by to see you has she?” It just occurred to him that Rita could have shown up here before him, and he would be none the wiser. That would be just like her.

“I haven’t seen Rita since she portalled me back to New York. Did she say she was coming to see me?” Luke looked slightly uneasy at the thought.

“Yes, but she came to me first. You see, how do I say this, she told me she had concerns about you and Valentine. She thought she sensed trouble between you when she picked you up. She told me she wanted to ask you about it. I asked her not to, but you know how she is, she’s like a blood hound.

“I know I am tap-dancing around the subject – You do not know this, but I am a fantastic dancer, you really must come to one of my parties – And I really just need to come out with it. She thought you two did not have relations at the cabin, and she wanted to know why. She asked if I knew and said if I did not tell her, she would go to you. I thought I could get her off the trail, but I should have known better.

“It occurred to me that, you may still be having trouble, after your ordeal. After I almost took my life, I was incredibly disconnected. I told Rita that I thought that was maybe what she sensed – though I only told her you had had a grave injury. She has once again taken it upon herself to help you. What she is offering is this: She and I will put up wards around your house so that Valentine can come here. You will not be interrupted. We already talked to Valentine about this, and he agreed to it.”

Luke was silent, and Magnus, out of nerves, continued on. “I acknowledge once again this is none of my business. My only defense is that she said she would spell the truth out of you if she had to. I did not want to put you through that, yet I could not think of a way to stop her.”

“It’s fine, I’m not angry with you, Magnus. When did Valentine say he was available?”

Magnus was relieved, but also suspicious. Anything too good to be true usually was. “He only asked that it be a Sunday.”

“I am free not this but the next Sunday. Will Rita portal him into New York?”

“Yes.”

“Nine o’clock that evening would be good for me.”

“Alright, we will all come by then. Rita and I will put up the warding.”

Magnus took a moment to look at Luke now. He had the sense he was not alright, just as he had that morning at Renwick’s. When he sat with Luke in his truck, he could see the hurt in his eyes, even though it did not express beyond that. Today, he couldn’t even see that.

It would not have been pleasant if Luke were upset with him, but this lack of reaction was unsettling. It almost seemed as if he didn’t care one way or another what happened. Or, Magnus considered, with shock, Luke thought he knew what the outcome of this would be? That it would fail? That this lack was resignation. At this, Magnus felt very much like Rita: “Star crossed lovers be damned.” His friend deserved better than this. If that required meddling, so be it.


	29. Chapter 29

Magnus was sitting in wait on the appointed Sunday, as Rita and Valentine portalled into his living room.

“Good evening, you two. We need to discuss something before going to Luke’s. Take a seat.”

“What’s happened? You look more hellbent on this than I am.” Rita replied, as she and Valentine sat.

“This is worse than you led me to believe, or worse than you thought. Luke’s given up.”

Rita frowned. “He agreed to this. He hasn’t given up yet.”

“That’s true, but you didn’t see him when I told him about this. It’s not good. Valentine, did you know?”

“Yes.”

“Honey, how bad are we talking here?” asked Rita.

“He tried to end our relationship at the cabin.”

“No wonder you wouldn’t tell me. It’s a cold day in July when you get shot down.”

“Rita, what did you say to him at Renwick’s anyway?” asked Magnus. Now that he had fully embraced his meddling, he wanted to know, remembering how hurt Luke looked that morning.

“I assume you mean before you showed up? Let’s see. I said I’d been hoping to sleep with the Prince here."

“Was that really necessary?” asked Magnus.

“Then, I got all turned around, because the Pauper’s mighty fine too, so I threw shade on Valentine, saying he won’t stick around.”

“Rita…” Magnus gave voice to his disappointment.

“I know, I hit below the belt, if you will. My jealousy got the better of me, what can I say? Why do you think I offered them the cabin? So, now that I spilled the beans, return the favor. What happened to the Pauper that’s got him feeling so cold?”

Magnus sighed. They were all tied together now. Rita would find out one way or another. “He tried to kill himself. He would have succeeded if I hadn’t intervened.”

“Damn.” concluded Rita, after Magnus explained the circumstances.

“All I have to say is, Valentine, you better be as skilled in seduction as Rita says you are.”

Rita’s expression lightened. “Doctor, are you prescribing some sexual healing? You are just my type! Don’t worry. I dubbed Valentine the beauty, but he’s a beast.”

“The suit does help, I must say.” added Magnus.

“Oh, good, you two finally have some common ground, I mean, besides cozying up to the Pauper.”

“I am so hellbent on this, as you put it Rita, that the rumors about Luke and I don’t faze me.”

“I told you, you would see things my way. Valentine, let’s get you over there, so you can get it on.”

* * *

Luke closed up the shop that evening, then got ready for Valentine’s arrival. He thought that he wouldn’t feel much with this visit, but he had been straightening things up, took a shower, wore a white button down shirt with his nicest pair of jeans, not the ones he used when he did repairs at headquarters.

Magnus told them that they would portal directly into his house, and that’s what they did, at nine on the dot.

“How ya doin’ Pauper? Oo, does that white bring out those blue eyes of yours! And your place is charming.”

“Thank you, Rita. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Hello, Luke. Rita, let’s get to work.”

“Sure, sweet thing. Magnus is buying tonight!” Rita announced.

As she and Magnus got to work, Valentine smiled and walked over to him, carrying a travel bag. They stood next to each other, but did not speak, instead watching Magnus and Rita perform their spells and incantations.

“Alright, all done. Anyone who comes by here will have the urge to go somewhere else instead. If for some reason they make it past that, they still won’t be able to see you two, but you will be able to see them. That should keep you safe for tonight. We’ll come back tomorrow evening to undo it and get you, Valentine. Have a good night.”

With that, Magnus took Rita’s arm, and together they portalled out, leaving Luke and Valentine standing in the kitchen.

“Good evening, Valentine.”

“It is good to see you, Lucian.” replied Valentine, putting his hand on the side of Luke’s face as he did so. Luke was more touched by the gesture than he cared to admit. He smiled and brought his hand up to cover Valentine’s, then after a moment brought both of their hands down.

“What was your reaction to Rita’s plan?” asked Valentine.

“I should have known Rita would notice, after what she said to me at Renwick’s.”

“If I may, what did Rita say to you at Renwick’s?”

Luke looked down. He couldn’t deny her accuracy, but it still flustered him think about.

“How she had hoped to go to bed with you. She was very complimentary of you. Her surprise at finding me there, that you were chasing literal tail. She started early, with the werewolf allusions.”

“I too, cannot say I was surprised. I believe she displayed a rare amount of discretion when she refrained from questioning me, after retrieving us from the cabin. But I appreciated the chance to meet here again. I enjoyed the cabin, and I suppose Renwick’s has a certain charm, but I preferred our meetings here.”

“I did too, though I wondered if I was biased.”

They sat down at the kitchen table. Valentine inquired about the restorations at The Jade Wolf.

“They’re going well. I think we’ll be able to open it up soon.”

“I never realized you were such a businessman.”

“I dreamed about running a shop, when I was younger. Though it took me twenty years to actually start.”

“And you are selling antiques again? Now you will have three ventures, four if you count The Hunter’s Moon.”

“In New York City, of all places.”

Their discussion eventually turned to books. Valentine was a voracious reader, and Luke knew he would have already finished the books he had brought with him to the cabin.

“What are you reading now?” asked Luke.

“A history of the Mongols. I confess, it is boring me with such focus on clothing adornments.”

“I could give you some reading suggestions.”

Valentine chuckled. “I am sure you could. Tell me, what is your favorite novel?”

“Catch-22.”

“Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?” said Valentine, then he sighed. “I can see that your life has been filled with those kinds of decisions, yet your choice grieves me.”

“It does have some absurd humor. Worse would be if I said The Scarlett Letter.”

“I am not familiar with The Scarlett Letter.”

“It’s set in American colonial days. A woman commits adultery, and has to wear an embroidered red “A” on her clothing. She is then shunned by her community.”

“I am glad you did not say The Scarlett Letter, though I cannot argue it would be unfitting. Speaking of books, would you give me a tour of the shop?”

It was rather late, after they looked around the bookstore. The wind was picking up outside, and the rain, which earlier in the evening started as a drizzle, was now coming down heavily. They washed up then retired for the evening, sharing the bed in Luke’s room, with only a chaste kiss goodnight exchanged between them.

* * *

Luke awoke the next morning to the sound of a down-pour. Valentine was sleeping on the side against the wall. This room still felt small with the two of them. The only difference from the last time they were here was the heavier blankets and flannel sheets.

He could have changed his bedroom. When Jocelyn and Clary visited New York, they stayed at the New York Institute. When he was stuck as a werewolf Clary had gathered her things from her room here. Amatis suggested he bring her furniture to the wolf pack headquarters. He knew that practically that was a good decision, and he knew firsthand they could use it. He did eventually move the desk and bookstand – he gave them to Maia – but it was difficult to let go. He kept the nightstand and bed for when Amatis visited, and he still thought of that room as Clary’s.

He would normally lay in bed longer, but he’d had trouble in the past with water, and with this much rain he wanted to see how the basement was faring. He got out of the bed, slowly as to not wake Valentine.

He descended the basement stairs, and sure enough, there was water on the floor. He sighed. He’d put everything up on blocks and shelving after the first time this happened, but he would need to mop. He went back to the bedroom. Valentine was awake, to his surprise.

“Did I hear you go into the basement?”

“You did. It’s flooded.”

“How much?”

“Not bad. I can take care of it. I just need to change my clothes. Go ahead with your morning routine.”

The morning that Rita had burst in at Renwick’s, Valentine explained his absence from the room was due to him completing his morning calisthenics in one of the empty bedrooms, and each morning at the cabin Luke saw him do this.

Valentine nodded. “I will join you when I am finished.”

Luke got on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, along with a pair of boots, and returned to the basement. It was still raining heavily. He was still mopping when Valentine walked down the stairs.

“Do you want some breakfast? This is taking longer than I thought it would.” said Luke.

They walked back upstairs, and Luke set to cooking eggs and toasting bread. He placed Valentine’s food in front of him, then sat down across from him. This was more personal, cooking for Valentine in his own house, versus at the cabin. Valentine thanked him, and they began to eat.

“Do you have an extra mop? I can help you after we are finished.”

Luke hesitated. He had not expected this visit to turn into this, but he did have an extra mop.

“That would be a big help, thanks.”

They made their way downstairs. After about a half hour of working , they had most of the water off the floor. He looked over at Valentine, and saw him standing next to a wall, looking intently at it.

“Is there a room behind this shelf?”

There was, it was the room Luke had used for his transformations. He had not thought about Valentine noticing it when they came down here, but they had been walking all over the basement, and Valentine had astute powers of observation. He must have noticed that there was space missing, in the outline of the basement, and taken a closer look.

Luke kept it covered with a shelf that swung forward. He had been concerned about Clary finding it. He and Jocelyn had shared dark laughter about that.

“Maybe she would conclude you are into adventuresome sex?” asked Jocelyn.

“I was thinking she would conclude I’m a serial killer.”

“Ah, and that’s why you really own property upstate. To bury the bodies.”

Now he spent his transformations with the wolf pack at headquarters. The transformations were much easier to deal with when in a pack.

“That is the room where I used to wait out my transformations.”

“May I see it?”

He’d been avoiding it, since his return. This would be the first time he had seen it since that terrifying transformation, that led to his going out into the woods. He tensed, but said yes, walking over to the wall, showing Valentine how the shelf swung forward, revealing the door, and opening it up.

The room was smaller than he remembered. The feathers hung out from the torn wall padding and the shackles laid haphazardly on the floor. He felt a chill run through him as he stepped inside. Valentine followed him in. And he thought his room felt cramped with the two of them.

“Lucian, what happened? What led up to the suicide attempt?”

Luke felt his throat constrict. He wasn’t sure he would be able to speak. This room was affecting him even more strongly than he thought. When he didn’t speak, Valentine reached forward slowly and took hold of his arm.

“Would you tell me?”

He felt slightly faint, but he spoke. Told Valentine that he witnessed the first uncontrolled transformation. That the three nights of the full moon had gotten progressively more difficult. The unexpected fourth night transformation. How he decided there would be no more unexpected transformations. Valentine was silent. Luke thought he might feel better, after saying this aloud, but he only felt terribly ashamed, recounting his dismal history in this dismal room. It felt like another blow this already precarious relationship could not endure.

Many people throughout his life had told him how patient he was, but this morning, he felt he was finished. Nothing he was doing with Valentine was helping. He agreed to this visit, hoping something might change, but it seemed like the pit just kept getting deeper. This is what he had been trying to spare himself, at the cabin when he suggested they stop this. He looked at Valentine standing next to him, who had a grim look on his face.

He stepped into Valentine and embraced him, trying to express how much he cared for him, that he was thankful they had had this time together, that they had come to terms with what had happened between them. Valentine held him lightly at the waist.

“Lucian.” Valentine didn’t quite say his name as a question, but Luke knew him well enough to know that it was.

“Yes?”

“When you told me you had been celibate for so many years, I wondered if there was more to it than the explanation you gave me. That it was not only the fact that you had to hide a truth about yourself, but a terrible truth.

“I do believe it is partly your nature, but I thought of how difficult it would be for anyone to be intimate, after being cast out by one’s own people, people who were well aware of the existence of werewolves and still banished you, deeming you a monstrosity. No matter how many apologies we all give to you, there are far reaching consequences.”

Luke pulled away from the hug. He had thought he would be the one initiating this, but it appeared Valentine was ending things himself. At least they were on the same page. Luke felt equal parts heartbroken and relieved. Still, he wanted to correct Valentine.

“Despite how I may seem, I’ve enjoyed being with you like this. I’m glad we tried.”

A look of displeasure flashed across Valentine’s face. “You believe I am wanting to end things with you?”

Luke looked at him in surprise, and nodded.

“I am not. Have your feelings for me changed?”

“No.” replied Luke, having trouble following this conversation.

“Would you care to enlighten me as to your thoughts, then?” Luke had a moment of wishing Valentine wouldn’t do this. He had imagined this as a quiet parting of ways, though he now realized that was a fantasy. Valentine was not one to go gently into the night, and even worse, he seemed genuinely frustrated with him.

“I’m not getting any better, and how are we going to continue this? We’ll see each other every few months for a couple of days? I know something will come up for you that is more appealing than this. My thoughts were, it would be better to end things on a good note. I love you, and I know you love me too. That can be enough.”

“Your concern seems to again center on your belief I will leave you? I am not so obtuse as to fail to understand why you are concerned about this. The morning I dismissed you, I said atrocious things. Shall we recall them together? ‘You are no longer my parabatai. I watched Lucian Graymark die last night. If the angelic runes were burned off your body, you are truly demonic, but I cannot bring myself to kill you. You are nothing more than a foul beast, yet you wear his skin. If there is any piece of him left in you, do the honorable thing and take your life.’

“We then terrorized each other at the Accords. I have never seen you so unhinged, and your partial transformation, leading a wolf pack, only furthered my nightmare. I would say you wanted me to feel even a fraction of what I put you through, the deep betrayal, but I think it went beyond that. You had held in so much grief, you could no longer bear it.

“I recognize you may be trying to spare yourself, but do you believe I am incapable of commitment? While we already discussed my marital failings, infidelity was not one of them. Becoming parabatai is reminiscent of marriage, as Clarissa and Simon found so amusing. I recognize the dangers of thinking of it as such, but I committed to you, knowing you would be my only.

“I know it will take time, and a continued effort on my part for you to trust me, but I am serious about redeeming myself to you. I am aware this is a struggle, even that this feels like triage, there are just too many areas requiring attention, but I know where I would like to start. Let me see the scar.”

Luke hesitated. He was still lost in memory. He distinctly remembered Valentine saying those things to him. He didn’t try to argue with him that morning, he only took the knife Valentine offered to him and fled into the woods, worried that if the stayed any longer Valentine would change his mind and try to kill him himself. He barely remembered the fight at the Accords. That had been another time when he thought he was fine, only to be overcome by rage. Most of his recollections came from Jocelyn. She told him how she had called out to them to stop fighting, but he had not heard her, so focused was he on Valentine. He did recall the shock when Valentine grabbed Jocelyn, the sting of her silver necklace after Valentine ripped it off her neck and threw it at him.

Luke brought himself to the present, standing in this dingy room. He reminded himself that he had been willing enough to allow this visit. This was something different. He might as well try.

“Alright.” Luke said, as he contemplated how he wanted to do this. “Let’s go back to the bedroom.” Valentine nodded, and as they walked back, he considered not completely removing his jeans, but he thought that would be clumsy. When they reached his bedroom, he removed his belt and jeans, then sat down on the edge of the bed. Valentine removed his suit jacket and undid his tie, but otherwise left the rest of his clothing on. This felt oddly sterile, there were no sexual undertones here.

Luke patted the edge of the bed to his right, and Valentine sat down. He turned his left leg to show his inner thigh, then pulled away the leg of his underwear, revealing the scar. It was six inches long, a raised straight line, following the curve of his inner leg, a deeper red than the surrounding skin.

They both looked at it, then Luke looked up at Valentine. His features were dark.

“Do you still feel nauseous?”

“Yes.” he admitted. He had made a habit of looking at it daily, touching it, but his efforts had been in vain.

“Would you let me touch?”

Luke thought back to the last time Valentine had done that. He didn’t think he would have that severe of a reaction, though he supposed the bathroom was nearby if it came to that.

“If you let me guide your hand.” replied Luke.

Valentine held out his hand. Luke took it, and brought it down to his leg. He took Valentine’s middle finger, and placed it on the upper end of the scar and tensed. This had been uncomfortable the last time, and that time he had on a heavy pair of jeans. Skin to skin now, he felt dizzy and indeed his stomach was turning, though not enough to vomit. He continued, moving Valentine’s finger down along the entire length of the scar.

When Luke reached the end, he placed Valentine’s whole palm over the it. He took some deep breaths, but this was only growing more and more uncomfortable. He thought back to that morning, with Valentine after the transformation. Valentine had chained him, with his permission, in the basement, in case he changed. Luke woke up there the next morning, with Valentine sitting across the room from him. He did not speak to him, only stepping forward and undoing the chains. Valentine then indicated for him to follow him. They went outside. Luke had an ominous feeling, but he still was half hoping Valentine was bringing him out here because he knew being outside calmed him. Instead, after they had walked some distance into the woods, Valentine made his mind known. He had considered that Valentine would shun him, as Amatis did, but he had not all at been prepared for him to hand him the dagger.

He ran until he couldn’t run anymore, then laid down on the forest floor. He held the dagger to his throat, but he couldn’t make himself draw it across. Then he was seized with the idea of finding the wolf pack.

He found them in the late afternoon. They knew who he was. The pack leader greeted him.

“Hey, Shadowhunter. Come for payback? What’d you expect to do, all by your lonesome? I’ve heard talk of Valentine Morgenstern’s ideas. When I saw you two sneaking around, I figured I’d hit him where it hurts. But you Nephilim are really cold hearted bastards, you know that? Let me guess, he told you to get the hell out of there? Did he ever really care about you at all? Did any of them? And you pricks still think you’re better than us? We wolves stick together, but you’ll never be one of us. The stink of the Clave will always be with you.”

“I challenge you.”

“Bring it on, pathetic shit.”

The fight was brutal. She was a fierce fighter. Everyone, himself included had been surprised when he emerged as the victor.

“What do you know? You’re not as pathetic as I thought.” She’d said to him, coughing. “You take care of my pack, you hear?”

“How do you feel?” Valentine asked him presently, bringing him back, and he felt Valentine’s hand on his thigh. He kept hoping this increasing discomfort would break, that there would be some release from it, but this hurt when he did it, and it still hurt.

He removed Valentine’s hand. “Poorly.” He expected Valentine to look disappointed, but Valentine had an expression that Luke knew meant he had another idea, one of his hunches no doubt.

Valentine brought his hand up to his own lips, then touched Luke’s leg, just shy of the scar. Luke blanched, but reminded himself of what he had thought before. This was different, he might as well try, though he expected this to be uncomfortable. But he did want to change, and he had often trusted Valentine’s intuitions in the past. He nodded.

“May we lay down?” asked Valentine.

He nodded again, and scooted backward toward the head rest. Valentine removed his button down, leaving his undershirt on, and removed his trousers as well. He wasn’t sure if he did that to match him or if he didn’t want to wrinkle them. Luke pulled off his sweatshirt, leaving on his t-shirt underneath.

When he went to lay down, and realized he was still wearing his glasses. He took them off, and Valentine reached for them, placing them on the nightstand. Then, Luke brought his left leg forward and his right backward. Valentine got in the bed, pulling the covers down, then maneuvered himself low. He shivered when Valentine’s lips made contact with the top of the scar and continued down, and he was taken aback at the swell of grief that accompanied this.

He remembered being out in the woods last summer, with a problem he did not know how to resolve. He had thought the solution was to end his life, just as now he thought his best option was ending things with Valentine. But Magnus stopped him then, and Valentine was stopping him now. He startled when he felt Valentine put his tongue against the scar and press. The feeling of wetness on the scar now juxtaposed with his memory of bleeding out. Breathing through would not be enough, and he was not surprised when he started to cry, not as he had been that the first time they were in bed together. Valentine surely noticed, but he did not stop. These were gentler cries, compared to those wrenching sobs, which was why he was able to reach across to the nightstand drawer and pull out a handkerchief for himself. He wiped his face, but his tears did not stop.

Valentine eventually shifted, bringing himself up to the head of the bed and laid down next to him. He reached over to Luke, gripping his left upper arm, and bringing it closer to himself, kissing his bicep. Luke winced in remembered pain. This was where the Brocelind pack leader had bit him, all those years ago. She approached from behind. By the time he heard her paws hits on the ground it was too late. She fiercely tore into his bicep and gripped with her incisors, twisting him off balance and bringing him crashing to the forest floor. He fought her off as best he could until Valentine arrived. At his approach she retreated.

“I never wanted to be a werewolf.” Luke now said, his voice hoarse. Valentine leaned forward and kissed him gently. He paused before speaking again.

“I didn’t want to go into the woods.” Valentine leaned forward and kissed him again, and he continued to do so after every statement Luke made.

“I didn’t want to use the dagger.”

“I didn’t want to fight you at the Accords.”

After Luke had been quiet for a few moments, Valentine spoke. “I do not know why you have gone through all that you have.” Valentine moved forward, cupping Luke’s face before speaking again. “You are stronger than you know.”

Luke moved one of his hands and put it on Valentine’s chest, over his heart. He found the rhythm soothing. Valentine continued, “I give thanks to the Heavens, for granting us a second chance. I love you.”

“Me too. I love you.” Luke replied quietly, making up in sincerity what he couldn’t match in eloquence.

Valentine brought his hand down to Luke’s lower abdomen, lifted his t-shirt up just enough to place his index finger above his hip bone, and slowly traced the parabatai rune on his skin, just as he had done with a stele years before in the Council building in Alicante. This time they were alone, no Silent Brother to witness them. Still, Luke reached over and traced the rune onto Valentine as well, in the same location, over his hip bone, as he too had done years before.

* * *

Magnus stood on his balcony, under the overhang, watching the rain, when he heard Rita portal into his living room. He assumed it was Rita, but was given confirmation when she called “Magnus, where are you? What did you make of that?!”

“I’m out here, Rita.”

Rita stood next to him, and together they looked out over the street. They had just returned from Luke’s. Rita had portalled Valentine to God knows where, and Magnus stayed behind to dispel the warding and chat with Luke for a few minutes.

“That was no love nest, let me tell you, but they seemed close. I don’t get it.”

The vibe had been hard to read, and Magnus was especially good at reading vibes. He knew that Valentine and Luke were not going to be a showy couple. They would already have said their more personal goodbye’s to each other before he and Rita arrived, but still, there had been something strange.

After Rita left with Valentine, he regarded Luke with a gentle gaze. Luke told him he was alright, that he and Valentine even had plans to see each other again. Magnus shared this with Rita.

“Maybe it’s all this rain, putting a damper on things? I feel it myself.” she replied.

“Yes, I feel it too.”

“Well, we’ll keep on eye on them, but you know I’m still up for locking them in a room with an aphrodisiac. They’re a specialty of mine. I made a fortune selling them in the early 1800’s in China. Sit down, and let me tell you all about it.”

Magnus smiled to himself. He didn’t believe Rita would actually do that to them, but he enjoyed her zest for life. Watching the rain, standing with her, he felt peaceful, and now that he thought about it, that had been the vibe at Luke’s. It only unsettled him initially because it was not what he expected to find.


	30. Chapter 30

A few weeks had gone by since his last visit with Valentine, and now Luke was in his bedroom packing his duffel bag, to go visit him again. Valentine had given him the address of an estate within driving distance. He told the pack he was taking a long weekend trip. They once again gave him their blessing. He told Magnus where he was going, and he too had been pleased.

Luke drove out of the city, past the suburbs, until he was out in the country side, where the houses were few and far apart. He drove down a narrow gravel driveway until he reached the end. Valentine told him he would need to approach by foot, and gave him a talisman that would grant him entry past the estate’s warding. He parked his car and hopped out. It was a beautiful spring day. There was a dirt path, and he grabbed his bag and set down upon it. Life was always an adventure with Valentine.

He walked until he reached a small creek, with a stone bridge covering it. He paused on the bridge to look down into the water, then continued, spotting an old cobblestone house.

Valentine told him this was a property he sometimes watched, that a friend of his owned. She was currently overseas. Luke knocked at the door, but no one answered. He checked his watch. He had arrived early.

* * *

Valentine drove up the gravel driveway to find Lucian’s pick up already there. He had hoped to arrive first, but he was sure he would find Lucian outside enjoying the weather. Sure enough, after he crossed the bridge, he spotted Lucian sitting on a bench, his duffel bag beside him. Lucian waved to him in greeting, and Valentine made his way to him.

“How was your trip here?”

“Good. I enjoyed the drive.” Lucian said.

They left their bags in the house, then started to walk around the property. The land was flat and the house sat in a large clearing with trees and brush surrounding it. They followed the creek. He was surprised to hear Lucian chuckle. When he turned to him, Lucian had a smile on his face.

“Do you remember our return to base camp, after we had hunted the spider demons?”

Valentine smiled. That hunt had been successful, but almost everything else that could go wrong had. The weather was miserable, with a steady drizzle and cool temperatures. Their tent leaked; they had difficulty finding any dry kindling or firewood; they found edible plants, but they tasted horrible. Their moods grew steadily more agitated as the days went on, and the terrain became so water logged it was difficult to traverse.

“When you slipped descending the hill, then upon landing, threw mud at my back, unprovoked?”

Lucian laughed. “The look on your face, you were so shocked.”

Valentine smirked. He had been shocked, but then he leaned down, grabbed some mud himself, and they were off. They kept their distance, lobbing mud balls, but eventually they tired, declared a ceasefire, and laid down next to each other. But, Valentine had still been irked Lucian got the first shot and as they were getting up, he took one last handful of mud and rubbed it into Lucian’s hair. Lucian now echoed back what he had said as he did so: “‘It matches your hair color, no one would notice.’ It took so long to get the mud off, once we got back to the river. I was freezing. Still, it was worth it.”

“I agree.”

They continued walking until they looped back around to the front of the house, then sat down on the same bench Lucian had been sitting on when Valentine first arrived. The sun was shining on them. That day, the gray skies had caused everything to look lackluster, but sitting in the sun now, he could see the natural highlights in Lucian’s hair. He reached forward and caught a lock around his fingers. Lucian gifted him a small smile in return.

“I apologize, your hair is not the color of mud.” Valentine said, with a slight joking tone.

“You were upset I caught you off guard.”

“You have caught me off guard in many ways.”

He was surprised, but not displeased to see a faint blush appear on Lucian’s face, but Lucian changed the subject. He had felt confident leaving Lucian’s home after their last visit, but he knew that was now the past.

He was well versed in many areas, and they chatted easily, but he purposely kept Lucian in the dark about his personal business, and he wondered if this would be an issue for them. Doing so was second nature to him, after living so many years under the radar. Most of his contacts lived similarly.

He always enjoyed traveling, and his transient lifestyle suited him, but he also wondered how Lucian would react to another unfamiliar location.

Their day together was peaceful. They enjoyed the spring weather until a chill wind began, upon which they entered the house. This home was elegantly appointed, in reds and golds, cherry furniture, and marble top tables. They parted briefly before preparing dinner. After they had eaten, they retired to a sitting room with a grand piano by a large bay window, looking out onto the herb garden.

Valentine gravitated to the piano. “Care for a concert?”

Lucian looked amused. “Do you play often anymore?”

“You are correct. I rarely have the chance, but my mother’s lessons have stayed with me.”

Lucian nodded, then took a seat close by, and waited for Valentine to begin. Valentine took the piano bench, and began to play. His father had been against these lessons initially, believing they were not essential for a warrior, but his mother had insisted, and eventually won the argument with, “Intelligence is honed in many ways, and a dull minded warrior is a dead warrior.” He was glad for the variety to his studies, and he took to the instrument easily. Those lessons were some of his fondest memories of his mother.

In honor of her, he started with her favorite song. He knew it well, having played it with her many times. “Play songs that you like, my love, that way you will never grow bored.” she had said to him often. He continued with other songs that held personal significance. The song his father begrudgingly requested, still embarrassed he had been proven wrong. He played a waltz that always played at dances in Idris, remembering fond times with his peers that went on well into the night.

For his final piece, he played a song that at the time he did not care for, but now held great meaning for him, because of the man sitting nearby. After he finished, Lucian spoke. “You were correct. Beautifully played, as always.”

“Did you recognize the final song?”

Lucian looked pensive. “Moonlight Sonata. The moonlight, when I was young seemed so peaceful. Sometimes, it still does.”

“I think of you, always, when I see it. Even during our estrangement.”

Lucian was quiet for a moment, then stood up. “I brought something for you.” he said, reaching into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small box, and handing it to Valentine. He was pleasantly surprised, for he too had a gift for Lucian, but it was in his bag upstairs, and he did not want to delay the moment to go retrieve it. He took the box, rose from the piano bench, and with a nod from Lucian, opened it, revealing an antique ring, set with a topaz. The color of it aligned with Lucian’s eyes. He took it out of the box, and placed it on his right index finger.

“I found it unexpectedly, in the drawer of a dresser I purchased. I’ve held on to it all this time.”

“It fits. It is rather like Cinderella, is it not?” said Valentine, with a lilt to his voice. When he looked to Lucian, his heart warmed at his radiant expression, though he noticed Lucian became self conscious, and tried to stifle it.

Valentine waited for Lucian to respond, but instead he leaned forward and kissed him. He had waited for Lucian to make the first move towards this today, thinking that would be best, though it was difficult to strike a balance, in that he did not want to appear uninterested. Lucian seemed tranquil today, and they spoke easily with each other as they always had, but he could sense a small reticence underlying all of his actions, including this kiss. He was fairly certain he knew why, and he was relieved it was not the same weightlessness that had plagued their previous meetings.

Lucian pulled away, and took a moment to look out the window. From where they stood, they could see the last of the sun’s rays, and a small crescent moon in the twilight. Lucian faced him again, and asked if he would like to go upstairs, with an expression that betrayed none of troubles that they had had with this aspect of their relationship, but Valentine knew were present nonetheless. He was glad for the chance to dispel some of the doubts tonight.

Valentine nodded, and they made their way up to the guest room. There was a four poster bed with drapes surrounding it, and oriental rugs.

He had not been certain this trip would lead to this, but he could not deny how pleased he was; with Lucian’s blush when he undid his belt buckle, seeing the pile of their discarded clothing growing on the floor, the way Lucian’s skin heated up underneath his fingertips, the electricity between them, this state of being so in sync with one another. When Lucian extricated himself and rose from the bed, going to his bag to retrieve a bottle of lubricant, he could scarcely believe his good fortune.

* * *

Later, Valentine awoke, having dozed off in the afterglow. He was momentarily irritated to find that Lucian was not in the bed beside him, but standing at the picture window, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. It was full dark now, the sky was clear, the stars shining, the sliver of moon just setting.

“What a vision, you are.” said Valentine, announcing he was awake.

Lucian turned back to him, startled. “Did I wake you?”

“The night is still young.” replied Valentine, as he rose from the bed, put on a robe, then went to his luggage. It occurred to him upon waking that he had still not given Lucian his present. Once he had it, he walked over to Lucian, draped the necklace around his neck and shut the clasp in one smooth motion, then wrapped his arms around his waist, pushing the bottom of the t-shirt up to touch skin.

Lucian took hold of the necklace in one hand, to get a better look at it.

“A gold chain?”

“Yes.”

“It’s hard to see in this light.”

“How thoughtless of me. It must be because I have pictured you wearing it so many times.”

Lucian wrapped his arms around him, and Valentine was surprised to feel a slight tremor running through him. He tightened his grip on him.

“Do you approve?”

“Yes. It’s... I thought this was impossible. We reconciled, we’re together again. We shot the moon. I’m so happy.”

“You honored me when you became my parabatai. You honored my children and their mother, and you have honored me letting me lie with you. Please accept this as a token of my care for you. And know, that I am joyous as well.”

Lucian leaned forward to kiss him, then pulled away. “What shall we do now?”

“As I said, the night is young.”

**_Finito_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love and gratitude to anyone who made it through to the end of this.
> 
> The title Shoot The Moon refers to a situation in certain card games, for example, Hearts, when a player makes preparations to take all the Hearts and the Queen of Spades, which normally players avoid because these cards have points, and the player with the lowest points wins, but when a player collects them all, all of their opponents take on points instead. It is challenging to accomplish, but the reward is great. 
> 
> For anyone interested in astrology, I loosely think of Luke as a Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, with Cancer Rising, and Valentine as a Sagittarius Sun, Libra Moon, with Scorpio Rising.
> 
> I often listened to the Phil Collins song “In The Air Tonight (‘Panski & John Skyfield Remix)” while writing this. It can be found on YouTube, and matches the mood I was trying to evoke with this story.


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